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Sorry but there are risks to everything. The thought that other people's suggestions are "risky" because you read something into it that wasn't even there is a bit presumptious.
I am sorry that my posting style does not suit you.
Yeah there is that. There is a flip side as well. I can choose my attitude. I can choose to decide to make it fun for myself. For myself, I listen to music I like while I do boring chores. Or maybe I listen to books on tape. So while you do hear "suck it up, buttercup" in our house. You might also hear, well can you think of a way to add a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down?
That's just a good outlook for life. "What can I do to make the best of this situation?"
I just don't want to turn everything into a game to 'get through it' because you can't always do that, and you should have mechanisms in place to forge through painful, boring things you don't want to do that don't rely on some trickery.
That's just a good outlook for life. "What can I do to make the best of this situation?"
I just don't want to turn everything into a game to 'get through it' because you can't always do that, and you should have mechanisms in place to forge through painful, boring things you don't want to do that don't rely on some trickery.
I just don't want to turn everything into a game to 'get through it' because you can't always do that, and you should have mechanisms in place to forge through painful, boring things you don't want to do that don't rely on some trickery.
I think there are enough real-life opportunities in life to learn those skills, and I don't need to make our home life "unfun" simply because parts of life are "unfun". They will learn to handle that, as those situations come up in life.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
That's what I was thinking. Picking up toys is overwhelming to a 5 year old? Only if you've bought out Target and every single toy is on the floor.
It depends on the child. Some kids are organizationally challenged, and even looking at a small amount of things on the floor is overwhelming. That's when more partnership and help go a long way to helping them see how to handle things like that.
I have gotten to a place where I find it odd to think of chores or cleaning as something separate from anything else we do. Not that I clean every time we do something! But... cleaning is as much a part of the flow of our life as eating, watching TV, reading, etc. are. To separate out "chores" as something undesirable and separate from anything else is setting up difficulties. I know, because that's 1) how I was raised and 2) how I did things before I experienced a shift in how I parent.
Because my boys' early lives did have cleaning and chores as something we set aside time to do, and I wasn't having fun, and I coerced and forced them to clean, it's taken us years to get to where it's just part of life.
It's not something anyone here HAS to do. I choose to, to make a peaceful, welcoming space, or to make my days easier. I don't know why my boys choose to, I'm sure they have their own reasons. And, it is their choice - if I ask if they can help clean, I don't expect or require them to say yes. I have, many times, cleaned up "for" them. <gasp> I did that because *I* wanted a clean space. I own the choices I'm making, I don't expect anyone in our house to make the same choices at the same time.
I know this is fully preparing them for the "real" world, where everything one does (for most adults, in the US anyway) is a choice. I don't HAVE to do anything. Why do I want to slog through these boring emails at work? Is it because I was forced to clean as a child, so I know we HAVE to do what we don't want? No, it's because I like being employed, so I will do what my boss asks of me. In addition to that, the work I'm doing is meaningful, so I see where the emails fit in to the larger picture. On top of all that, my boss is respectful and sees his employees as partners more than peons, so I *want* to do a good job for him.
See how that works? Claiming choice in everything -- everything -- works really well in my life. It's working incredibly well in my sons' lives, as well. At 18 and 12, they help more often than not, and I've walked in a few times to find the livingroom completely clean, even though I haven't asked them to clean. And this is without forcing, coercing, punishing, counting to 3, throwing toys away, keeping them away from TV, etc. It's because I take my responsibility to them seriously - I'm their mom, I invited them into this home - and because we're partners and friends, not adversaries, or queen & subjects.
CharlotteGal, when my sons were five it never even occurred to me that they might be "organizationally challenged". To tell you the truth, I'd never heard the term until I read your post. They picked up their toys with a minimum of angst. I'd say we were half, "Spoon full of sugar" and half "you'll pick them up because you took them out". Worked for us.
(None of them are lying on the couch at $200 an hour saying, "Mommie made me pick up my toys and it ruined my life" so I'd say whatever it was that we did... It worked. )
It seems to me that make a game out of it and do it with them, sing a song ... these are all great ideas for the 9mo to 2yo range. By the time they are three and five, these tactics are teaching the wrong lesson. If you don't do it, I will do it with you. THEY are not responsible for clean up, you are.
What is so wrong with teaching children that cleaning up after themselves is normal and expected regardless of whether they sing a song or making cleanup fun? Just because a child sings a song or turns cleanup into something more than a horrible chore does not mean that the parent or adult will end up picking up the mess. That's the whole part of making the child responsible. I don't know about you but I find teaching a child that they don't have to dispise chores is a lot easier than teaching them that it's just the way things are done and they will have to do even if they don't like it.
I have four boys, two are grown and on their own and very independent. My younger boys are very independent at 11 and 12. They both do laundry, wash dishes, clean their rooms ect.... The only difference between the two is in how we approach assigning tasks and discipline. The 12 year old hardly ever has to be told twice to do anything, usually he does chores without asking. The 11 year old takes me telling him he has to do the dishes as punishment. So in a sense, the whole "dictatorship" parenting method would backfire in our faces with him. Expecting your children to perform certain tasks/chores can be made easier by teaching them that while the chore may be unpleasant, it does not have to be dreaded. The whole dreaded chores thing will be here forever, a persons outlook on doing chores is totally up to them. Teaching them that they will just have to do like it or not and no whining is a great way to teach them to dread chores. Of course there will be many things that once a child is an adult will be asked to that they don't like. I get asked everyday at work. I also can make an unpleasant task into a not that bad experience.
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I did that because *I* wanted a clean space. I own the choices I'm making, I don't expect anyone in our house to make the same choices at the same time. 
