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Sadly, not all of the Aconite family is a paragon of Southern gentility. There's one teeny-weeny-branch who embody all the gently-raised qualities of Kate Gosselin impersonating a pageant mom on meth.
Even more sadly I cannot blame them on the in-laws.
several other people were offering to have the shower for her, because they thought I wasn't going to throw one. After hearing the reasoning behing my purposeful delay, it all became quite clear.
I'm so sorry, Mel. That must have been devastating.
I think some people have a case of the Debbie Downers. My goodness I've never seen so many complaints about something as innocuous as celebrations and gifts!!!
I don't think people are complaining about the celebration or the gifts. Several people have said they're fine with the idea of gifting and merrymaking on one's own time. What they're complaining about is extortion, with a side of poor upbringing.
I'm so sorry, Mel. That must have been devastating.
I, too, am so sorry for your loss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite
I don't think people are complaining about the celebration or the gifts. Several people have said they're fine with the idea of gifting and merrymaking on one's own time. What they're complaining about is extortion, with a side of poor upbringing.
Despite repeated posts to the contrary, there seems to be some difficulty in understanding no one is saying don't celebrate the birth of new babies. People are saying to require (either explicitly or implicitly) participation in a baby shower (or other event requiring monetary donation by employees) in the work place is inappropriate. Do whatever you want in your personal time.
I'm so sorry, Beachmel. I cannot imagine the devastation.
I do agree with waiting on the showers, too. We've suffered 4 miscarriages, so with each child (we've been blessed with 4), I waited until well into the 2nd trimester to tell anyone. And I mean anyone. It is so saddening and difficult to explain away a miscarriage. Anyone that's ever been through that can tell....I never ever understood people (I think they were lying) that were like, "oh I had a miscarriage this morning"...I'm like, WTF? Are you serious?
My husband's cousin is pregnant with her first, and she's now just about 8 wks along and is ALREADY planning her shower.
Me? I'm more cautious and just praying I get past the first trimester...
Every baby shower I've ever been to has been around the 8 month mark. My sister in law insisted on having her shower while her baby was in the NICU. I thought that was exceedingly tacky, as the baby was 3 hours away in the NICU while she's yukking it up at a baby shower.
I had only one baby shower...if people wanted to offer gifts, that was most appreciated, but I absolutely insisted on no showers after the first baby...
Thanks Crazymom..my heart goes out to you as well.
I have to admit, I had a miscarriage before my first child was born. I was 8 weeks along and I don't mean to sound callous, to anyone who has lost one at 8 weeks, but it was more like the period from hell for me and although there was a some sadness involved, I can't even remotely compare it to what I went through with my daughter who lived and then died.
I actually didn't allow a baby shower for her and I let people know that I'd really rather they didn't get us anything until we brought her home. There were actually offers made for a shower while she was in NICU...NOT a good idea. It was a good call on my part.
My work mates insisted on throwing me a shower for my next child, and I forgot!....but actually, that shower was not given until she was born (on MY insistence). The child we lost earlier was a girl and all of my work mates were so over-the-top thrilled for us to have had a successful pregnancy and of all things, to have had another GIRL. that they had an absolute BLAST shopping for adorable girly things for her. You see, every one of these people lost a baby too....when my baby died. They had gone through the difficult pregnancy with me, been by my side while she was in NICU, then held their breaths through my entire following pregnancy. She was OUR little girl, not just mine. To this day, (it's a small community), my daughter is their sweetheart.
One thing I discovered, after losing that daughter? I was NOT alone. The women who came forward and shared their sad stories of their losses just blew my mind. I never would have known what so many of these older women had gone through, had I not gone through it myself. It brought us closer together you know, like a sisterhood.
Crazymom, I discovered that some people LOVE baby showers. Some of them absolutely love to plan them and have people over and play games. I discovered this with my last 2 kids. LOL It was friends from my church who drove me CRAZY and guilted me into letting them !! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!! have a shower for me!!
Trust me, you don't get more tomboy than me without being a guy. Hehe... and most baby showers are like pulling TEETH without novocaine for me, even my OWN babyshowers were. Now, if we were all going to get together and make planter baskets, or build baby toys or furniture, I'd have been all OUT for it, but games and oooohs and ahhhhs? Ugh!!
I'm so sorry, Mel. That must have been devastating.
Thanks Aconite, yeah...you're never quite the same person after something like that, but fortunately, I can tell the story without falling to pieces anymore, like I said, it was a very long time ago and I have been blessed with 3 more amazing children after losing her. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and can make you better. I believe it did so in my case. I'm probably a much better mother than I ever would have been, had I not gone through that. I know I'm a much more compassionate person, that's for sure.
EMEA...thank you.
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