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I had a strange mix growing up. I was allowed to roam outside unsupervised from dawn to dusk. I never got into trouble though- I just wasn't that type of kid. But my mom would also fuss over the smallest things- if you didn't wear a coat, you WOULD get sick and die. If you drove in the rain, you WOULD crash the car. Everything was always blown out of proportion. To this day, I can't drive on highways, which means there are a lot of things I can't do unless I can find someone else to take me. I just heard so many times growing up about how dangerous highways are- I've even taken a driving course (it poured rain that day, so it wasn't a good experience).
I'm really happy I had a 'free range' childhood. On the other hand, there are some times I really wished my parents had been more protective. One of my brother's friends used to hang around me when I was 11 and he was twenty. He would take me to the mall and buy me things- eventually he physically pinned me down and demanded that I tell him I liked him. I kneed him in the groin and told my brothers, and he never came around again. My parents never seemed to think it was odd that this adult was hanging around their daughter. I also got myself involved in a really strange online relationship the first day I ever went online that continued for five years. I really wish someone had intervened.
So, yeah, there has to be a good medium. Give your kids room to play around and make mistakes, but don't be oblivious either.
A large part of my job at work is writing people up for various infractions. A surprising number have their mothers call in to complain. Yeah...not impressive. These kids are always the ones that I end up firing because they refused to take responsibility and correct their mistakes.
Over protective parents produce kids who doessn't know now to face the real world (paying bills/rent) conflict at work/real world etc or they have a child who ends up getting a little freedom and goes wild.
That girl I used to mention, the one I was jr. popo with.
She recently turned 18 and was kicked out of her mom's house because her mom took away her cell phone and she turned around and went to Verizon and got a touch screen android phone in her name, so her mom booted her out 6 days after she turned 18.
Anyways. She's totally gone wild. She drinks all the time now, drinks till she blacks out. Was smoking weed the other night. Just moved in with some guy she works with but she's totally not taking care of herself and is putting herself into all sorts of positions where some pretty bad things could happen to her.
She doesn't know how to do anything, nothing at all and has melt downs over everything.
She's pretty reckless too. Just the other night she took a corner going about 35 or so and hit the curb and blew out both her right tires and guess who was there to help and get her car out of the road and then to take her to work the next day and then after work help her get her car fixed. Me, I had to show her how to use the jack, how to get the tires off, took her to the tire store and helped her get it all situated.
But when she blew them out she flipped. She had a complete and total meltdown and I had to calm her down out of it.
This is the view point from a 21 yr old (will be 22 in a few days)
I'm currently making 6 figures in a sales position at an overseas portion of my company in a fairly high ranking position consideirng my age/qualifcations. I have no college eduaction, and ranked very poorly in school, to get this job no favors were pulled I however did bust my balls.
Growing up I had a very long leash, and I screwed up many times. I broke bones, pinched fingers in doors, (once even lost the entire nail on my thumb that was a bloddy incident) broke a few noses, got my noses broke a few times, threw a few fists, as a teenager I smoked weed, drank, partied, had sex before marriage, and even got arrested. Got into car accidents, and got speeding tickets, cussed, and was a rebellious SOB.
I wasn't the best, nor was I worst, for many the above mentioned actions I got in trouble too, I learned my lessons and took my notes.
Give your kids a long leash, let them learn and they'll succeed.
Where do you work im 19 and will go overseas for that kind of money too! lol no really!
ParallelJJCat: I agree there has to be a good medium. Give your kids room to play around and make mistakes, but don't be oblivious either.
My parents were both on different ends of the spectrum. My dad was so obivious and defentily let me go through life and bruise my kness a bit. My mother was the exact opposite and never let me do anything due to various reasons. I can remeber times where i would sneak friends in our home when my dad was home and we would have parties and he would never come check on me for hours...if he did he would jusr crack open the basement door and they would hide. My mother on the other hand was always moving, doing this or doing that. With her moving so much she would check on me as she passed where ever i was and check on what i was doing. Having both parents live in one household made life easy, they balanced each other for the most part....
My girlfriend was just amazed that I climbed onto the playground w/my son and spent a couple of hours playing with him. She just thought I was the greatest most involved mom on the planet. The only problem was I wasn't there JUST to play. I had to make sure he didn't fall, that some bigger child didn't push him off of the stairs and hurt him, that he didn't etc.. You got me here? I do have a tendency to micro-manage his play. Interfering when there are fights or someone is not sharing, fussing at them to slow down on their bikes and that tricycles are NOT crash up derby cars. I have just got to let it go and we'll both be better off
There is a balance to be struck when talking about interpersonal handling. Sometimes a kid needs to learn good skill in handling conflict. What I have done with some good luck is observe the conflicts as they occur, then role play manners of handling them later.
Revived old thread, but still relevant. I have a very good friend, who never wanted her sons to work while they were in school, not even over the summer ie: "School is their job". Now her middle boy needs a resume in order to finish his degree with an internship. He has NO work history, and cannot find a position. He won't get his degree without the internship hours. She is just coming to the conclusion that she has done him a disservice.
My cousin was raised to be her mom's princess and she wasn't allowed to do much growing up. It's like her mom raised her to herself.
She is 34 and still runs to mommy for everything. She has no balls to do anything, she needs constant validation...It is extremely annoying. NO wonder every single one of her boyfriends have dumped her.
My grandparents raised me and they were somehow overprotective but I never had a curfew - I never partied until I was 22 anyway. I used to go shopping on my own, I used to buy my own eclothes as a kid (with their $ of course) and I turned out fine. I don't drink, I have never done drugs and I like to think I have a good head on my shoulders.
There has to be a happy medium. You cannot keep your children on a leash.
My cousin was raised to be her mom's princess and she wasn't allowed to do much growing up. It's like her mom raised her to herself.
She is 34 and still runs to mommy for everything. She has no balls to do anything, she needs constant validation...It is extremely annoying. NO wonder every single one of her boyfriends have dumped her.
This sounds exactly like my sister in law. Her mother passed away almost 2 years ago, and she is completely clueless on how to survive. She can't even manage to keep up with her utilities and property tax (the house was left to her mortgage free so she wouldn't have to ever worry about rent). Her car was repossessed. It was also left to her, but she hocked the title for a few thousand then lost the car within months. So now she has to bum a ride to her job that is 1/2 mile away (because walking a 1/2 mile is sooooo hard). We don't hear from her much because we keep refusing to bail her out.
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