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So I feel like I'm in a rut. I'd like to move back to New England eventually with my husband. We have a 2 year old and shes the first and right now only grandchild on both sides of the family. Both of our parents are just obsessed really is the only way to put it. They always want to watch her, take her places do things with her etc. They talk about future plans with her like getting year round passes to Disney, taking her RV'ing and so forth. Problem is I'm miserable down here I just wanna go back . It wouldn't be for at least another 2 years but every time I think about taking her away from them I feel just overwhelming guilt about it. I try and hint about going back and they esentially laugh at me like yeah right like you wana go back to snow and cold and blow me off. I feel like if we do have to move I have to keep it a seceret till the last minute. Like it almost makes me think forget it. I feel like I'm being selfish taking my own daughter away but then I think I'm doing it for the betterment of our family (we live in a retirement community and I'd love to have season changes for her too)..
So have any of u been in this situation, going to be in this situation or just have an opinion about all this. Share with me plz
I understand. I can never move for those exact reasons. My family is so close that one sister tried to move 20 miles away once and didn't make it a whole year before she was back.
My DD is the youngest grandchild for my parents and only grandchild for DH's parents. We could never move away. That is partially because of family not wanting us to move, but if I am really honest, I don't want to move away from them either. Even though I think it would be great to move somewhere else, to me being near family is more important. That doesn't make how I feel right. It is just what is more important to me.
I think each family needs to do what it feels is right for them. If moving is right for you, that need to move will eventually outweigh the guilt you feel over moving.
My opinion, do what is best for you and your family. Grandparents can come up and visit. Happens all the time. They will be upset and probably mad, but they will get over it. If you want, make sure you have a spare bedroom for them to come up and visit. They can go RVing up in New England. Sounds wonderful to me. On the flip side, I moved from NJ to Tampa, FL 6 years ago. I have NO ONE down here. My father passed away recently and it is so hard to be so far away from my sister. If I need help with my kids, I have to rely on friends and it feels like I am bothering them, though I am sure they are happy to do it. It just isn't the same feeling with family. Ultimately, it is up to you and your husband what to do.
My parents moved 2,000 miles away from their families. Even though it meant we were raised away from our grandparents and most of our relatives, I'm immensely glad they did. I learned from the stories they told that they did it because they thought it meant more opportunities for their kids. And it did. I think about how I could have grown up versus how I did grow up... and I'll take the 2,000 miles away every time.
We moved away from New England for opportunities for us. Then we had a kid. Not the same situation as you (since you already have the kid). I'll tell you right now... it would be harder with the kid to make the move.
I'm going to apologize now for saying this... but the memories your kid(s) will have with the grandparents will stay with them. It sounds like they are genuinely interested in their grandchild. I'd like to say that your misery will go away whenever you hear your kid sound all excited because family is coming over. I don't know if that is true. And it doesn't make you a bad person if it doesn't.
Consider what the root cause of your unhappiness is. If its that you don't like your job/house/neighborhood, with some work that is fixable. If its "I can't stand the heat in the 3 to 4 month long summers", then maybe there are things you can do to make it not as dismal. Maybe take some 3-4 day weekend trips somewhere where its cooler (example: if you live in GA/SC, go to TN or NC near the Appalachian Mtns).
Think of those things before you pick up and move.
yes, I felt very guilty, but we did it anyway. The guilt trips from my mom were overwhelming. Many tears have been shed, even by my dad. I was about the 5th generation in that area, and the farthest any of my cousins moved was was a few hundred miles. I moved over 1000. It has been 4 years, and things are better now. We love where we live. The kids have a better quality of life. We're glad we did it. The grand parents visit. The time spent is more quality vs more quantity before.
ETA my kids are making memories with their grandparents. We just spent a week with them camping int he mountains. You don't have to live close to create memories.
So I feel like I'm in a rut. I'd like to move back to New England eventually with my husband. We have a 2 year old and shes the first and right now only grandchild on both sides of the family. Both of our parents are just obsessed really is the only way to put it. They always want to watch her, take her places do things with her etc. They talk about future plans with her like getting year round passes to Disney, taking her RV'ing and so forth. Problem is I'm miserable down here I just wanna go back . It wouldn't be for at least another 2 years but every time I think about taking her away from them I feel just overwhelming guilt about it. I try and hint about going back and they esentially laugh at me like yeah right like you wana go back to snow and cold and blow me off. I feel like if we do have to move I have to keep it a seceret till the last minute. Like it almost makes me think forget it. I feel like I'm being selfish taking my own daughter away but then I think I'm doing it for the betterment of our family (we live in a retirement community and I'd love to have season changes for her too)..
So have any of u been in this situation, going to be in this situation or just have an opinion about all this. Share with me plz
The only advice I would have for you is that ifyour going to move, you should do it ASAP while you kid is still young. That way, your child dosn't grow extremely close to the GP's and can still adjust to a life away from them.
Either way, it's a tough situation to be in. You can't live you life to plz you'r parents though, that's why it's YOUR life.
Last edited by WhipperSnapper 88; 08-09-2011 at 06:50 PM..
Do not underestimate the value of grandparents. In my opinion, the more support you have around you the better. They are doting on the kid now and they are of course baby sitters. Free. Always available.
Sometimes as parents you need to be able to have some adult time.
We have grandparents about an hour away. Close enough for them to be involved, far enough away that we are indpendant. For us it works great and now that they are getting on a bit, they take the train down so they only have a 5 minute drive at their end and we pick them up or they walk 20min at our end.
So I feel like I'm in a rut. I'd like to move back to New England eventually with my husband. We have a 2 year old and shes the first and right now only grandchild on both sides of the family. Both of our parents are just obsessed really is the only way to put it. They always want to watch her, take her places do things with her etc. They talk about future plans with her like getting year round passes to Disney, taking her RV'ing and so forth. Problem is I'm miserable down here I just wanna go back . It wouldn't be for at least another 2 years but every time I think about taking her away from them I feel just overwhelming guilt about it. I try and hint about going back and they esentially laugh at me like yeah right like you wana go back to snow and cold and blow me off. I feel like if we do have to move I have to keep it a seceret till the last minute. Like it almost makes me think forget it. I feel like I'm being selfish taking my own daughter away but then I think I'm doing it for the betterment of our family (we live in a retirement community and I'd love to have season changes for her too)..
So have any of u been in this situation, going to be in this situation or just have an opinion about all this. Share with me plz
I think you should do what you feel is best. I understand being miserable in the place you live now, and wanting to leave. I'm in the same situation. But both of my parents have passed away, and I think if they were still here, I would stay no matter how much I hated it. There's nothing like having your mom and dad there for you and there's nothing like your child having a grandma and grandpa. I think that will mean a lot more to her than season changes. If it's really that bad there, maybe you could consider moving, but not so far away.
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