Teenagers and love (ideas, stepfather, divorced, support)

[pirate girl]

Ok- I have a teenaged son who has discovered girls. I've noticed that he's manipulated, made to feel guilty and generally beat up by his girlfriends.

With the current one- he said something without thinking- nothing terrible- but broke a confidence about someone else and she went crazy on him. He kept groveling and apologizing and I wanted to scream.

I remember being a manipulative teenaged girl- and it's so hard to keep my mouth shut because I KNOW! But I've raised him to be a strong and confident young man- not a sniveling wimp.

I hate to see him upset like this- and I've tried to give him some lighthearted advice- I told him that he made a genuine mistake and that if this girl really cares about him she'll forgive him.

I just don't know where to draw the line- I know he needs to experience these things- and doesn't need mom breathing down his neck and telling him what to do, but it's really hard sometimes.

Just venting has made me feel better but I'd love some input from others.

[kaykay]

Teen-age angst! Don't you love it? Sounds like you have it about right IMO. Just kinda be there to support him when he needs some "maternal advice" but not too much!

Oh, teen-agers can be so melodramatic!!! Oh, the stories I could tell... but I'll just leave it at that.

[CityGirl72]

That's just it - he's a teenager and he has to go through life's bruises to get the self confidence of a young man, and his own self respect.

It all takes us a while, and no amount of good parenting can teach them these things

You should still be proud he's not a cocky teenager being manipulative to the girls...you brought him up right.

[doc1]

Maybe these experiences will keep him from making much bigger mistakes such as marrying young.

[sweetana3]

Is this the time for fatherly or grandfatherly advice about women?

[mbuszu]

Two things come to my mind after reading your post -
#1 - Rather than light hearted advice, you might want to have serious discussion or what I would call a quality exchange of ideas and experiences with your son. Allowing your son to make mistakes, well that is ok... but you ought to help him learn from them (at least try). Share with him what you were like, the effects on you and the boys you did this to, and try to point out similarities. He may then come to the same conclusions as you have about these things.

#2 - You didn't mention your son's dad in your post. Of course there may be very good reasons, but if at all possible it might be good to have his dad spend some time in a one on one conversation with him as well. I wished my dad had spent time talking with me about these types of things pre-teen through the teen years. He really didn't and I could have used an adult male perspective. Men & women think differently, a son ideally should receive some guidance from a male role model (father or grandfather or uncle, etc).

[pirate girl]

Thanks for the advice- His dad is in the picture but isn't exactly the best role model. The reason we ended up divorced is because he had another child that was born about 3 weeks before my son was------ so loyalty and commitment aren't in his genes. My father isn't much better unfortunately. I do have a great stepfather who might be willing to have that man-to-man talk though. It's a great idea.

I have a very open relationship with him and we talk about everything, including how things were when I was that age. I've tried to give him a female perspective on things- but I do like the advice that all this crap may prevent him from marrying young.

Things in "As the Teenage World Turns" seem to have settled down- but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before there's more drama.