Child's Boyfriend/Girlfriends parents (party, lawsuit, legally, girls)

[txtqueen]

I need some advice to offer my mom, I know she won't seek any out herself besides asking me yesterday what legally classifies as harassment.

My brother's girlfriend accidentally left her facebook open and she post EVERYTHING on there, her mom read everything.

Past stuff that's she's done with guys (her mom doesn't know with who and assumes its my brother), she's read about how she sneaks out all the time and with who. My brother's girlfriends mother doesn't speak very much english talking to her would be pointless and she is very religious, doesn't believe in birth control.

That's not the real problem.

My mom was with my brother the other day, they were picking or dropping off someone in my brother's girlfriends neighborhood and his girlfriends mom, whips her car in behind my mom's SUV blocking her into where she was, gripping her hands on her steering wheel GLARING at my mom, my mom ended up having to maneuver out of where she was and as soon as she took off so did his girlfriends mother, speeding after her, like tailing her, right on her azz.

I understand the girl's mother is upset, it is very understandable that she's upset after what she's read but my brother is not the only one in the wrong here. Her daughter is the one who made the decision to sneak out, her daughter made the decision to do what she has done in the past. While being angry is understandable this incident was totally uncalled for.

The girl is currently grounded, cell phone taken away, she very angry with her mom's actions.
My brother and her are still together and they see each other at school and when she goes out with her other friends because her mom has forbidden my brother to come over or hang out with his girlfriend.


My brother is a very popular kid and has quite a few friends in that neighborhood, it's not like they can avoid going to that neighborhood.
And he is 17 and she is 16.
How do you handle something like this?

[txtqueen]

My mom called the cops, they told her that it's not harassment and can't do anything.
I don't know what else to tell her..
It's iffy on the harassment, could be possible but its a fine line.

[SOON2BNSURPRISE]

I added some comentary on how I as a parent would handle this.

Originally Posted by txtqueen

I need some advice to offer my mom, I know she won't seek any out herself besides asking me yesterday what legally classifies as harassment. My advice to your mom is to remove priveledges from her son. Take the cell phone away, computer away, and monitor where he is. If is is sleeping around with the girl friend then he is not showing any respect towards her and her family. He isn't showing any respect toward your family.

My brother's girlfriend accidentally left her facebook open and she post EVERYTHING on there, her mom read everything. We have a no hiding policy and our computer is in the living room where everyone can see what you are doing. We also have software that allows us to monitor what our kids do online. I would suggest that the girlfriends mom purchases some of the same software. The girl can not be trusted online at this point.

Past stuff that's she's done with guys (her mom doesn't know with who and assumes its my brother), she's read about how she sneaks out all the time and with who. My brother's girlfriends mother doesn't speak very much english talking to her would be pointless and she is very religious, doesn't believe in birth control. My advice to the girlfriends mom is to do the same, remove the cell phone, computer and keep an eye on her every move. No need for birth control for a 16 year old girl. That is still a child and shouldn't be having sex anyway.

That's not the real problem.

My mom was with my brother the other day, they were picking or dropping off someone in my brother's girlfriends neighborhood and his girlfriends mom, whips her car in behind my mom's SUV blocking her into where she was, gripping her hands on her steering wheel GLARING at my mom, my mom ended up having to maneuver out of where she was and as soon as she took off so did his girlfriends mother, speeding after her, like tailing her, right on her azz.

I understand the girl's mother is upset, it is very understandable that she's upset after what she's read but my brother is not the only one in the wrong here. Her daughter is the one who made the decision to sneak out, her daughter made the decision to do what she has done in the past. While being angry is understandable this incident was totally uncalled for.

The girl is currently grounded, cell phone taken away, she very angry with her mom's actions.
My brother and her are still together and they see each other at school and when she goes out with her other friends because her mom has forbidden my brother to come over or hang out with his girlfriend. The mom of the girlfriend has to be more strict. She needs to realize that her daughter will still see your brother if she goes out with her friends. For now I wouldn't allow it untill she has shown some respect toward her parents and her self. Your parents need to remove your brother from this girls life and get him under controll as well.


My brother is a very popular kid and has quite a few friends in that neighborhood, it's not like they can avoid going to that neighborhood.
And he is 17 and she is 16.
How do you handle something like this?

I hope that helps. Hopefully both sets of parents will set stricter guidelines for these two children. They need to learn respect for themselves and their parents.

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE

I added some comentary on how I as a parent would handle this.
I hope that helps. Hopefully both sets of parents will set stricter guidelines for these two children. They need to learn respect for themselves and their parents.

"My advice to your mom is to remove priveledges from her son. Take the cell phone away, computer away, and monitor where he is. If is is sleeping around with the girl friend then he is not showing any respect towards her and her family. He isn't showing any respect toward your family."

But my brother didn't break any of my mom's rules, I don't see why he would be punished.
When his girlfriend snuck out it was during the summer and the first weekend or so of the school year, and she would come over here or my mom would let my brother leave, she knew where he was.

He wasn't sneaking out, my mom knew where he was. He's allowed out a lot later than she is during the summer. She has to be home at 10 and he doesn't have a summer curfew.

"We have a no hiding policy and our computer is in the living room where everyone can see what you are doing. We also have software that allows us to monitor what our kids do online. I would suggest that the girlfriends mom purchases some of the same software. The girl can not be trusted online at this point."

That wouldn't work here. He's has his own laptop in his room and an XBOX with internet, as do I minus the XBOX. My mom doesn't mistrust him online. He's not a facebook junkie, if he were to say anything it'd be in text message, his phone would be where the real good stuff is but with him, he's a boring kid, I doubt there is any.

To change things that drastically would be like trying to reverse democracy in the US.


My MAIN question was what to do about the mother doing what she did and how to avoid it in the future. The cops said they can't do anything really, so my mom needs to handle this woman on her own.

[Sabinerose]

"How do you handle something like this?"

Handle what? This womans actions are hardly considered harrassing - I have seen more aggressive actions in parking lots or on the freeway. Is she calling your Mom in the middle of the night, threatening your brother when he goes to the neighborhood where the girlfriend lives, sending violent sounding emails, etc...? Those things would be considered harrassement. A single instance of non-violent behavior, is not.

When your brother goes to visit other friends in that neighborhood, he needs to be sure to stay away from the girlfriends house. He needs to be sure that his girlfriend is not sneaking away from home to be with him (they WILL get caught eventually). He needs to be super aware of when his 18th birthday is - the girlfriends Mother could try to press all kinds of charges against him if she wanted to be that nasty. None would likely stick, but it will make his life hell for a very long time...

[zentropa]

Why can't the two mothers simply TALK to each other? I am not buying the language barrier as a reason not to try.

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by Sabinerose

"How do you handle something like this?"

Handle what? This womans actions are hardly considered harrassing - I have seen more aggressive actions in parking lots or on the freeway. Is she calling your Mom in the middle of the night, threatening your brother when he goes to the neighborhood where the girlfriend lives, sending violent sounding emails, etc...? Those things would be considered harrassement. A single instance of non-violent behavior, is not.

When your brother goes to visit other friends in that neighborhood, he needs to be sure to stay away from the girlfriends house. He needs to be sure that his girlfriend is not sneaking away from home to be with him (they WILL get caught eventually). He needs to be super aware of when his 18th birthday is - the girlfriends Mother could try to press all kinds of charges against him if she wanted to be that nasty. None would likely stick, but it will make his life hell for a very long time...

It really borders on harassment.

[SIZE=3]1) A person commits harassment if, with intent to harass, annoy, or alarm another person, he or she:
[/SIZE][SIZE=3](c) Follows a person in or about a public place; or[/SIZE]

Per CRS.

He wasn't even on her street. He was streets away. My mom was with him when this happened.
If she continues to do it again, it could become harassment.
And if it wasn't for the language barrier she probably would call.

[lauramc27]

One incident does not constitute harrassment the Mother's actions would have to be repeated. Here is what I found on the legal definition of harrassment: [SIZE=3]harassment[/SIZE] (either harris-meant or huh-rass-meant) n. the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including racial prejudice, personal malice, an attempt to force someone to quit a job or grant sexual favors, apply illegal pressure to collect a bill, or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious. Such activities may be the basis for a lawsuit if due to discrimination based on race or sex, a violation on the statutory limitations on collection agencies, involve revenge by an ex-spouse, or be shown to be a form of blackmail ("I'll stop bothering you, if you'll go to bed with me"). The victim may file a petition for a "stay away" (restraining) order, intended to prevent contact by the offensive party. A systematic pattern of harassment by an employee against another worker may subject the employer to a lawsuit for failure to protect the worker.

Now this may differ from State to State, but you have already said your local police have told you what she did was not harrassment.

Now for the problem, did your Mom ever speak to the GF's Mom? Have they ever met? If not, maybe this should be the first step. If she isn't comfortable with a face to face, maybe a phone call just to let the GF's mom know she understands that she is upset over the actions of her daughter, however her daughter made these choices on her own and to place all the blame on her son is not right.

If your Mom feels she needs to protect herself she can always let the GF's Mom know that because of the previous incident she will be recording the phone call.

Or, you all could just ignore the Mom in the hopes that this will blow over. I just feel that once the GF's Mom finds out the daughter is still seeing your brother things may get even more nasty. Where is the GF's Dad? Is he in the picture?

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by zentropa

Why can't the two mothers simply TALK to each other? I am not buying the language barrier as a reason not to try.

My mom doesn't know spanish, AT ALL.
The girl's mother doesn't know enough english.
They literally would not be able to talk.

[zentropa]

Seriously, does your family not know ANYONE who speaks both Spanish and English who can help?

Seems like the people in this scenario are not really trying that hard...

I look forward to more drama.