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Old 08-31-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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I have so many friends who have seemed emotionally distraught by their kids going off to college. Well, they didn't really 'go off'. Mommy and Daddy have packed them up, bought them all new equipment and supplies (including snacks and groceries) imaginable, furnished them with a nice car for school and have completely furnished and set up their dorm rooms, some even using a 'designer'. They usually take the kid and his/her roommates and friends to a very nice dinner to cap it off..

Yet when we went to college these same friends and I had pretty much the same response from our parents, "when do you leave?". We packed up our own stuff and probably would not see our parents until Thanksgiving unless they came to a football game.

I think my parents may have seen my college counselor once, before or early in the freshman year. Nowadays the parents are arranging the schedules, setting up study sessions, sweating out tests, etc...

Am I being crabby or is this overboard? If so how will these kids handle life in their 20s and 30s?
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Old 08-31-2011, 03:31 PM
 
Location: here
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Sorry, but I don't really see the connection between buying them stuff for their room and being emotionally distraught about them leaving. Those 2 things don't go hand in hand IMO. I don't see anything wrong with buying them a new comforter and some things for their room. Using a decorator? for a dorm room? That is way overboard, but I still don't see how it means the parents are distraught.
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Old 08-31-2011, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,346 posts, read 20,375,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lakewooder View Post
I have so many friends who have seemed emotionally distraught by their kids going off to college. Well, they didn't really 'go off'. Mommy and Daddy have packed them up, bought them all new equipment and supplies (including snacks and groceries) imaginable, furnished them with a nice car for school and have completely furnished and set up their dorm rooms, some even using a 'designer'. They usually take the kid and his/her roommates and friends to a very nice dinner to cap it off..

Yet when we went to college these same friends and I had pretty much the same response from our parents, "when do you leave?". We packed up our own stuff and probably would not see our parents until Thanksgiving unless they came to a football game.

I think my parents may have seen my college counselor once, before or early in the freshman year. Nowadays the parents are arranging the schedules, setting up study sessions, sweating out tests, etc...

Am I being crabby or is this overboard? If so how will these kids handle life in their 20s and 30s?
"And get off my lawn you kids!!"



Actually though....yes, some parents are over-involved and some parents are under involved...Back in the day, some kids had more "stuff" for their dorms than others...my guess is, in 20 years, some kids will have more "stuff" for their dorms than others....
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Old 08-31-2011, 03:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lakewooder View Post
If so how will these kids handle life in their 20s and 30s?
That would be their problem if there is indeed a problem.
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Old 08-31-2011, 03:43 PM
 
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When my son goes to college next year, he'll actually only be about 20-30 minutes away. But I KNOW it will still be hard to let him go.

Will we buy designer stuff for his dorm? No. Will we buy him stuff for his dorm? I'm sure we will. Will we most likely help him move in? Yeah, why not?

I think there can be a middle ground between shoving out the door and saying "good luck!" and helping with a transition.

I actually thinks it's very nice to take friends/roommates to dinner. What's the big deal?

As maciesmom said - some parents are too involved, some are not involved enough.
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Old 08-31-2011, 03:46 PM
 
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I've seen the entire spectrum. In our case, eldest moved himself in, because we had been relocated before the semester began. With middle and youngest, we helped move them both in, as freshmen. After that, no. We also don't "do" parents' weekend anymore, having one experience with eldest was enough. Now we offer gas money if they want to come home instead.

It IS an adjustment having them leave though, and I understand how bereft some parents might feel.
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:19 PM
 
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OMG, this IS terrible...my youngest just went away to college, and someone asked me today, where her apartment was...and I don't even know! I have not been there...I don't know...So, I am thinking that I am probably okay with her going off to college, and not having much of an adjustment problem here...She is staying there, and will come home when she is not busy...
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
When my son goes to college next year, he'll actually only be about 20-30 minutes away. But I KNOW it will still be hard to let him go.

Will we buy designer stuff for his dorm? No. Will we buy him stuff for his dorm? I'm sure we will. Will we most likely help him move in? Yeah, why not?

I think there can be a middle ground between shoving out the door and saying "good luck!" and helping with a transition.

I actually thinks it's very nice to take friends/roommates to dinner. What's the big deal?

As maciesmom said - some parents are too involved, some are not involved enough.
I was at the airport sending my daughter off to college yesterday...to China. She is already a junior, but still, it was a little tougher than just driving her to Albany.

The funny part is that there was a Chinese-American family there, too, sending their son off to school in New Orleans. He was a freshman, and the poor mother was sobbing uncontrollably, but I found it humorous that the Chinese are sending their kid to school in Louisiana and my white-bread ex and I are sending our kid off to the Sichuan Province. The world is expanding! (Well, only the parents had accents, the kid was apparently an ABC, but my daughter did have a lot of fellow students from China in her class at Albany last year.)

And I am very tired today from sitting up all night checking the flight tracker watching that plane carrying my only child go up over Greenland, across the Arctic Ocean and down over Russia until 1:40 a.m. when she landed safely in Beijing and then checking the domestic Chinese flight she took to get to her school. So, I was a LITTLE involved...
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:03 PM
 
44,086 posts, read 44,179,159 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
OMG, this IS terrible...my youngest just went away to college, and someone asked me today, where her apartment was...and I don't even know! I have not been there...I don't know...So, I am thinking that I am probably okay with her going off to college, and not having much of an adjustment problem here...She is staying there, and will come home when she is not busy...
Sounds as if you raised an independent kid! Good job, Mom.

That's the point--to bring up adults who can be self-sufficient.
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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Well, perhaps that is the "upside" of having a single Mom, who worked two jobs, you grow up to be very self reliant...
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