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I find it interesting that you are blaming the person for MAKING YOU feel guilty. I say this because I have relatives who seem to think ever comment is a "guilt trip" and I never understood the dynamic until I saw the responses above saying "You are the only one who can make yourself feel guilty." Why blame other people for YOUR feelings?
And, yes, it is no one's business but your own. Case closed.
People make comments like this to us also. I usually say: "okay, I'll have another, only if you babysit for free." People will always stick their noses where they don't belong. They don't know your financial situation, they don't know about your physical health or relationship with your spouse, yet they always want to comment on they "think" is best for us and our child. Just brush it off with the joke or ignore it.
Don't worry - everyone gets judged. If you choose to have no kids, you'll get comments, if you choose to have just one, you'll get comments, if you choose to have 6 or 8 you'll get comments.
Maybe right now everyone thinks 2 kids is the ideal - but it's really about how many you both want and can afford and can handle.
Well, as other astutely pointed out, it bothers you because it bothers you. There is at least a part of you that is most likely not satisfied with the situation and only being able to have one child. That doesn't mean that these people have the right to make such comments, but it seems like you may need to work on a slightly deeper issue and/or come to grips with the situation yourself.
My wife and I have three kids and we get comments about how many kids we have. My trite response is that, "the world doesn't have enough beautiful people in it and my wife and I happen to make beautiful children." It generally shuts them up real quick.
My niece only has one child and only ever wanted one child. She has a similar trite response when people ask her when she will have more, "I don't need to have anymore because we created perfection the first time around." Again, it generally shuts people up.
We to only have one child. We did try for another, but I had 5 miscarriages and I couldn't take the emotional turmoil, so we decided that God had given us one miracle and we should be overjoyed and are. People have made the same comments to me and I tell them that we are happy with the miracle God gave us. Depending on who is asking I may tell them about the miscarriages, but I don't feel obligated to explain my decision to anyone nor do I allow their comments to make me feel guilty.
We to only have one child. We did try for another, but I had 5 miscarriages and I couldn't take the emotional turmoil, so we decided that God had given us one miracle and we should be overjoyed and are. People have made the same comments to me and I tell them that we are happy with the miracle God gave us. Depending on who is asking I may tell them about the miscarriages, but I don't feel obligated to explain my decision to anyone nor do I allow their comments to make me feel guilty.
Sorry for your losses. I went through a similar experience, I had my DS without any issues and then had 4 miscarriages when we started TTC our second child. So that made it extra hurtful and annoying when I would get harassed about when we would give our son a sibling. People should really just keep their mouths shut about stuff like this, you never know what someone else is going through. And I did end up being successful and having a second child, but it took me going to see a reproductive immunologist who specialized in recurrent miscarriage, going through tons of testing, being diagnosed with blood clotting and autoimmune issues that were causing me to miscarry, and taking blood thinner injections and IVIg infusions through my pregnancy to be successful. You can bet we are done with 2 after going through all that!
Sorry for your losses. I went through a similar experience, I had my DS without any issues and then had 4 miscarriages when we started TTC our second child. So that made it extra hurtful and annoying when I would get harassed about when we would give our son a sibling. People should really just keep their mouths shut about stuff like this, you never know what someone else is going through. And I did end up being successful and having a second child, but it took me going to see a reproductive immunologist who specialized in recurrent miscarriage, going through tons of testing, being diagnosed with blood clotting and autoimmune issues that were causing me to miscarry, and taking blood thinner injections and IVIg infusions through my pregnancy to be successful. You can bet we are done with 2 after going through all that!
So happy to hear you were successful in having another. And you are right, people need to just keep their mouths shut. It is none of their business as to how many children someone has or doesn't have.
We have 5 kids. We often get "What is wrong with you?" "Why would you have more after having twins?" "Do you not understand how birth control works"
I really like this because it helps us identify jerks before we waste a lot of time getting to know them.
How many kids you choose to have is your business and no one else's (unless you expect someone else to help pay for them).
(By the way, I only wanted one kid - things change).
Another by the way. Some close friends of ours had either five or six consecutive miscarriages after their first child. They now have six children (none adopted). It is emotionally devastating, but it does nto necessarily mean that it will continue to happen.
I only have one child and we got a lot of guff over it. My family respected our decision and never bothered us about it. Probably because my mother works for a high risk OB and she sees some pretty awful stuff. My sister only had one child, a cousin only had one child...so only children in my family is not out of the norm. My husband's family was ruthless for the first 5 yrs after our child was born. My MIL actually said, "what if your child gets hit by a car? You will be really upset you didn't have more." She also said that you have a second child for the first so they won't be lonely. SHe said that a lot, that we are doing a great disservice. We told her to mind her own business and all that but she is a betch. Anyway, when our child was about 5 yrs old, pretty much everyone realized we were serious. I don't mind if people ask if there will be more, I think its a natural question but to say awful things is just down right bizarre and uncalled for.
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I went through a similar experience, I had my DS without any issues and then had 4 miscarriages when we started TTC our second child. So that made it extra hurtful and annoying when I would get harassed about when we would give our son a sibling. People should really just keep their mouths shut about stuff like this, you never know what someone else is going through. And I did end up being successful and having a second child, but it took me going to see a reproductive immunologist who specialized in recurrent miscarriage, going through tons of testing, being diagnosed with blood clotting and autoimmune issues that were causing me to miscarry, and taking blood thinner injections and IVIg infusions through my pregnancy to be successful. You can bet we are done with 2 after going through all that!
And you are right, people need to just keep their mouths shut. It is none of their business as to how many children someone has or doesn't have.
She also said that you have a second child for the first so they won't be lonely. SHe said that a lot, that we are doing a great disservice. We told her to mind her own business and all that but she is a betch. Anyway, when our child was about 5 yrs old, pretty much everyone realized we were serious. I don't mind if people ask if there will be more, I think its a natural question but to say awful things is just down right bizarre and uncalled for.
