Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I realize that people aren't perfect. But that doesn't mean they have to subject everyone else to it and act like the world has to bend over backwards for them.
Yes, when this happens, if the parent does not have the sense to leave, the store (or wherever) should request that they do. The parent had the kid. They did not have to. It is their problem and not everyone else's.
I have met perfectly normal women in business or school who have got their acts together only to catch a glimpse of their home life and see that they are spoiling their kid silly.
I knew of a kid who cussed his teacher out and mom went running to school to cuss out the teacher because the kid had to stay after school.
I knew a mom who pawned her wedding(or engagement) ring so the little darling could go to a special summer school in another state that he'd won some sort of music scholarship to, only to have the kid come home soon after arriving because he didn't like it there.
I think parents are too frightened that the child will leave them for the other parent that they bend over backwards at the apparent whim of the kid.
How to stop this from happening if the divorce were acrimonious and the parents cannot get together even to devise a game plan that is good for their child?
Is it too easy, if the court awards custody to one parent, for the other and the child to scheme to have the kid move to the other parent's abode?
This is and always has been, one of the worst consequences to divorce where kids are involved . The answer is for both parents to realize THEY HAVE TO do whatever is required for the best emotional outcome of their child whom they both love . It requires dispensing with the hostility toward each other over the divorce / and why it happened....to now concentrating on preserving whatever can be preserved concerning the wellbeing of the child. The last recourse should be taking it thru the Court System with Attorneys who fuel the blazing fire and instead trying to come to a win/win/win situation thru a Parental meeting with or without the assistance of Professional Counselling . Young kids are devastated from mom and dad splitting up and the imbalance it creates on the child without the child being put thru the scenario of mom and dad fighting to the bitter end in a Court of Law and practically going broke doing it.
I was going through a very nasty divorce when my husband passed away unexpectedly. He chose to put our daughter in the middle of it. At first he tried buying her love, saying bad things about me to her, etc. When one parent (or both) don't have the decency to leave a child out of the divorce, it makes the child's life hell. I didn't change my parenting. I stayed with the same rules I always had (I'm kind of on the strict side compared to many I guess). She saw through him very quickly and actually craved the structure my house provided. It's difficult to stay the course and do what's best for the child when you're worried about losing time with them.
But I see many ill-behaved children of divorced, single and married people. There's a sense of entitlement and selfishness that is beyond martial status. My daughter's school mates look at her as if she's an alien when she says she has chores to do and a set bedtime. I can only imagine what they'd say if they knew she had to drink milk and eat meals before dessert! lol!
But I see many ill-behaved children of divorced, single and married people. There's a sense of entitlement and selfishness that is beyond martial status. My daughter's school mates look at her as if she's an alien when she says she has chores to do and a set bedtime. I can only imagine what they'd say if they knew she had to drink milk and eat meals before dessert! lol!
Anyone have any idea how to make sure that a kid doesn't take on the guilt of their parents' divorce? Do people think that this is something that should be discussed with kids? provided they are old enough to understand a conversation like that...
Just an edit to say, I know this is a bit off topic, but as the WAY grown up kid of divorce, the only ill effect that I'm aware of in myself is that I thought it was all my fault; on a subconscious level of course. Any other "kids" of divorce feel this? Anyone ever see it in kids of divorce?
Parenting is difficult unless you have easy children. If you are a strict parent, parenting is difficult. If you are a permissive parent, parenting is difficult. If you are a parent that disciplines in a way that teaches a child self control and you are at the back of the grocery store about to put the last item in your basket and your child throws a fit (who normally doesn't because of consistent discipline) that you know will end in 1 minute, parenting is difficult. Why? Because people, including children are not perfect.
I find parents these days are more interested in being friends with their children and telling them they are special, instead of being a parent first and teaching their children that the real world doesn't think they're special and that they need to work hard and smart in order to succeed.
College and universities are having a big problem with the helicopter parents, with businesses figuring out how to deal with the new generation of kids coming into the workforce.
I haven't gone through any divorce or know any close relatives that went through divorce, but it also seems like parents are treating their kids like "best friends" instead of their daughter and son.
Anyone have any idea how to make sure that a kid doesn't take on the guilt of their parents' divorce? Do people think that this is something that should be discussed with kids? provided they are old enough to understand a conversation like that...
Just an edit to say, I know this is a bit off topic, but as the WAY grown up kid of divorce, the only ill effect that I'm aware of in myself is that I thought it was all my fault; on a subconscious level of course. Any other "kids" of divorce feel this? Anyone ever see it in kids of divorce?
Yes, i think its a very good idea for both Parents to sit down with their kids as they are going thru Divorce and try to reassure them its not their fault ; this may or may not work but at least you gave it a try . Kids are crushed when they think of the family unit getting fragmented because they have grown so used to it and depending on both Parents being there for them.
I witnessed some freinds who broke up and their little 7 year old boy was sitting out on the curb in a very depressed state with his Dad not being a live-in Dad any longer due to Mom having found someone new . Ill never forget the look on the poor kids face...it was great disappointment and anger all rolled up into one.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
As a child of divorce, I think the most important thing is to put the child's need for stability and love for both parents first. I love my mother to death, but one thing I think she handled poorly was the fact she often talked bad about my dad a lot and her issues she had with him. It was clear she hadn't forgiven my dad for a lot of the stuff he did in their relationship. He did some bad stuff but the fact remained that he was on living his life and she was still stuck on the pain from the relationship. My dad (rest his soul) rarely if ever downtalked my mom. He even helped out when my mom was having trouble in her marriage to another guy. It was clear to me that he was on living his life and didnt let the feelings of the failed relationship get in the way of what I needed.
That is the best advice I can give, do NOT downtalk the other parent in the presence of your child. Your ex is your child's other parent, remember that.
Yes, i think its a very good idea for both Parents to sit down with their kids as they are going thru Divorce and try to reassure them its not their fault ; this may or may not work but at least you gave it a try . Kids are crushed when they think of the family unit getting fragmented because they have grown so used to it and depending on both Parents being there for them.
I witnessed some freinds who broke up and their little 7 year old boy was sitting out on the curb in a very depressed state with his Dad not being a live-in Dad any longer due to Mom having found someone new . Ill never forget the look on the poor kids face...it was great disappointment and anger all rolled up into one.
You know, you might find this laughable, but I sure am no kid anymore, in my '40's, but that feeling of hurt that you describe is as fresh as it was when I was a kid. Thing is, my parents split when I was about two years old, too young to understand a conversation like that. But for anyone who is taking their kids through a divorce, I'll just tell them that a kid cannot see beyond his family unit (s'cuse the expression).. that is his world at least until they start going to school, and if that world breaks apart how could it not be their fault is how they see it... Certainly, their parents that are bigger than life, perfect in every way, and their only connection to the world at large could not be at fault. I'm talking real young kids here, kids who have yet to see all the flaws and shortcomings in their parents..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
