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Unread 09-07-2011, 07:14 AM
 
Location: South Park, San Diego
2,145 posts, read 2,540,144 times
Reputation: 2573
This is why I am absolutely paranoid of children, even as I like having the neighbor kids (parents are great friends) in my life, I avoid them in public- heck, you smile at a something a goofy kid does or say hi to a cute toddler next to you in line and you'll get "the look". My buddies who are young parents bemoan this hysteria as well, but we are all suspect. It's sad for kids to be taught that men are bad

 
Unread 09-07-2011, 07:20 AM
 
69 posts, read 92,719 times
Reputation: 105
Regardless of how irrational everyone thinks the poster's fears are.......let's not forget that it's simply because she is concerned for her child's wellbeing. A good parent questions their motives, actions and judgements and tries to better themselves ( "am I being crazy"). She was seeking constructive advice. I think it's hypocritical to insult them for reaching out and it seems as though other's here are being just as judgemental.

I think it is perfectfly reasonable to question why a child would be seperated from the group. The fact that it is with a male could bring up many concerns. However, by simply asking the director, you may find a very reasonable explanation.

We've all had different life experiences and if you know someone that's been molested or have been yourself then it would certainly explain why some are more sensitive to this situation than others.

I hope that everyone here can show some compassion and respect for a concerned parent, just as they are showing concern for this young man's reputation.
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 08:15 AM
 
354 posts, read 333,992 times
Reputation: 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by v2009 View Post
Today was my 3 yo son's first day at preschool run by a church. When I came there to take him home, the classroom was empty, and all the kids were coming back from some other playroom, walking in the hallway, with some young guy (may be 20 yo) holding my son's hand. They all came from another floor through a separated staircase.

With so many pedofiles around, that worries me a lot. His class has 18 students and two teachers, and it looked like the young man was helping. I did not have a chance to ask the teachers about it because it got very busy and crowded.

Am I crazy to even suspect anything about a guy like that? This is my first experience with daycare or preschool, is it common to have young male "teachers" or assistants? Why would not a young guy find some other type of job?

I don't want to offend anybody, it's just there are so many stories about pedofiles working at schools.
The situation that you described doesn't seem all that out of the ordinary and I wouldn't worry about what you saw. If this is your child's first daycare experience, it may be that your son wanted some reassurance or needed to be guided and at that age holding a hand can be very comforting and reassuring to the child. I would like to reiterate that the situation you described seemed completely normal. The man was walking with all of the students together and your son's hand was the one being held. I would worry more if your son and the teacher were alone coming from a secluded stairwell.

I don't think that you are crazy to suspect something, but I do think that you are giving in to excessive media hype in regards to pedophiles. If this is your son's first daycare experience, then it is probably your first daycare experience as well. Talk to your school's director about their background check policy, the role of the man in question, and their rules regarding teacher/student interaction.

My wife's career is in early child care and she can attest to how nice it is to have a male working in childcare. I have met many male preschool teachers both as co-workers with my wife and friends who entered into the profession at one point in time or another. Children tend to respond better to a male and it also provides a good male role model at a very impressionable age.

As for the question regarding why wouldn't the man in question seek a job in another field, there are a number of very good reasons aside from what I have previously pointed out. Some do it in order to get a discount on their own child's care, some because they genuinely love children and want to have a positive affect in their lives, and some because that is the job that they could find. Male teachers realize the stigma that can follow them for working in this career and tend to work very hard to ensure that nothing can be misconstrued as inappropriate. I have encountered female teachers who just "phone it in" and some that are resentful and downright mean to their students because this was the job that they had. I have never encountered this in any of the male teachers I have met.
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 08:48 AM
 
462 posts, read 425,164 times
Reputation: 255
OP: Have you asked your child how his day at preschool was? You need to ask him why he was holding the teacher's hand. But don't do it until you read some materials on gentle ways to get the information you need out of him (it's a delicate thing -- that's why there are child-psychology experts out there to help those of us who aren't). You do not want your fears to be his fears right now. You want to cultivate an atmosphere where he trusts you more than anyone else in the world so that from this grade on, he will know that he can be honest with you and tell you what you need to know (and further down the line, that means issues ranging from bullying to drugs).

Maybe your son asked to hold his hand; maybe some other child was bothering him and he needed a little adult support. Maybe he'd tripped on the stairs. Maybe he was dilly-dallying going down and the teacher was moving him along to where he needed to be.

Yes, talk to the preschool operators about their security checks (a lot of parents do this before they enroll their children to get the answer you are looking for). Ask them bluntly: Have you had any issues with inappropriate behavior among ANY of your teachers?

But let's not turn this into a male/female issue. Maybe it's not common in your culture or it's something you've never seen before at any of your relatives' schools. But it doesn't mean it's wrong.
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 08:59 AM
 
1,256 posts, read 869,031 times
Reputation: 688
> ...You need to ask him why he was holding the teacher's hand...

You're kidding, right?

A person walks next to a young kid, the young kid reaches up for a hand, they hold hands, continuing onward.

The OP outright said:

>>> "...all the kids were coming back from some other playroom, walking in the
>>> hallway, with some young guy (may be 20 yo) holding my son's hand..."

Sheesh. No kidding. Sheesh.
[and, on that note, I think I drop out of this particular thread permanently]
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 09:06 AM
 
3,064 posts, read 1,838,122 times
Reputation: 3170
First, everyone should protect their children. No one will argue that. In light of that, protecting them from unwarranted and irrational fears, will only encourage those same irrational fears in the child.

Fearing a teacher or assistant SOLELY based on the fact that he is a male is the exact definition of prejudice.

If the OP had originally said, "my son's new teacher is from the Middle East, and I am concerned she is a terrorist. Am I crazy?" - then I think those who are currently defending this fear might think twice.
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 09:16 AM
 
Location: TX
3,025 posts, read 7,042,057 times
Reputation: 1257
As a teacher... kids esp little kids LOVE to hold hands and give hugs goodbye and hello to teachers ALL the time. Holding hands makes them feel safe etc...

NOW OP... Our preschool (church run) had an outreach program with the local HS. ALL HS kids were required to have 100 hours of community service to graduate. They also go into the local Elem school. Since male role models are a LACKINING significantly in our elementary schools (much due the the kind of sterotype I see here) The little boys especaillay LATCH on to these older boys etc...

You first thought was a pedophile! NOT a helper, maybe a dad of another child, a church volunteer, maybe the son of your teacher helping out for the day or a HS kid trying to get some community service hours in. OHHHH maybe he's a youth minister or sunday school teacher?

Before you go on a witch hunt... simply ask the teacher and school admin.

BTW... yes there are MANY women creeps out there as well. When he gets into middle school and HS really look at those YOUNG women who want to be around all those boys!!

Common sense has become lost in this day and age!
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 09:21 AM
Status: "RIP Ultimate Warrior." (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: South Arlington, Virginia
13,915 posts, read 15,162,847 times
Reputation: 13086
Quote:
Originally Posted by v2009 View Post
Today was my 3 yo son's first day at preschool run by a church. When I came there to take him home, the classroom was empty, and all the kids were coming back from some other playroom, walking in the hallway, with some young guy (may be 20 yo) holding my son's hand. They all came from another floor through a separated staircase.

With so many pedofiles around, that worries me a lot. His class has 18 students and two teachers, and it looked like the young man was helping. I did not have a chance to ask the teachers about it because it got very busy and crowded.

Am I crazy to even suspect anything about a guy like that? This is my first experience with daycare or preschool, is it common to have young male "teachers" or assistants? Why would not a young guy find some other type of job?

I don't want to offend anybody, it's just there are so many stories about pedofiles working at schools.
As a 20-something young guy I'm very offended by your thoughts. There are some of us "young guys" who are actually parents and/or are very good with kids without having any lewd thoughts toward them. I personally don't like kids and would never consider a job with a early childhood environment, but I have no problem with young guys who truly love kids especially if those kids are theirs, in fact I fully encourage it and wish more would.

I think this "young male" stereotype keeps us out of a large number of jobs like admin assistant, daycare, some banking jobs where you work around all women when the only intention we have is to make an honest salary.

You do have a duty to protect your child but that does not give you the right to judge a whole class of people, most of who have the only intention to make an honest day of pay.
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Virginia
4,894 posts, read 5,749,158 times
Reputation: 1669
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdcrim View Post
There was a sexual assault of a young child by a young male preschool teacher in Leesburg a few months ago... Google it. Very sad for the family and they think there may be other victims.
So? What's your point? It wasn't the male preschool teacher that the OP is referencing. Should I Google sexual assaults by female teachers? Think I'll come up with any results?
 
Unread 09-07-2011, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Virginia
4,894 posts, read 5,749,158 times
Reputation: 1669
Quote:
Originally Posted by slowrollem View Post
I think it is perfectfly reasonable to question why a child would be seperated from the group. The fact that it is with a male could bring up many concerns. However, by simply asking the director, you may find a very reasonable explanation.
The OP didn't say the child was seperated from the group. From what I read, she said that they were all coming back in together.
Edit: After reading the rest of the posts, I guess that has been pointed out.
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