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Old 09-26-2011, 09:59 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 4,482,437 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
I started talking to my daughter about menstruation when she asked about it - I can't even remember how long ago.

She's 9 nine now. About 3 weeks before her birthday, she got her first period.

Good thing we didn't wait!
How old was she when she started asking about it? I know things are different today , but my mom didn't even talk about anything with me until I was in 6th grade.... I certainly wouldn't wait that long of course, but I know I wasn't asking many ?? Before I was 10 or 11...

I feel like I have put some undue stress on my daughter now as she worries over everything and is now worried she will get it "tomorrow" in school! Ugh...
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Old 09-26-2011, 10:18 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,764,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
How old was she when she started asking about it? I know things are different today , but my mom didn't even talk about anything with me until I was in 6th grade.... I certainly wouldn't wait that long of course, but I know I wasn't asking many ?? Before I was 10 or 11...

I feel like I have put some undue stress on my daughter now as she worries over everything and is now worried she will get it "tomorrow" in school! Ugh...
That's all the more reason you should have a talk with her. Your talk could help her not worry as much. Right now, she only has the information she is getting from other girls.

IMO, it's best to use the children as gauges. If they are talking about it, it's time for you to provide explanations. Everything is earlier today. Full sex ed needs to start fairly early compared to when we were kids.

When I was riding kids home from the roller skating rink, I overheard 5th and 6th graders talking about one of them getting a blow job from a girl! BIG NEWS FLASH to me that it was time to step up the sex ed talk at home! (btw, I didn't let on that I overheard about the friend getting a blow job.)

If your daughter is telling you things she hears from other kids, she's letting you know that she wants to hear what you think. You can't control what they hear. Talking to the parents won't stop it. You want to keep communication open with your children so you can be aware of what they are hearing. You don't want them keeping silent about what they are hearing out there.
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Old 09-27-2011, 04:24 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 4,482,437 times
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She has heard it from me as well.... We have had brief conversations about it,new just haven't had the full pledged Birds & the Bees...
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Old 09-27-2011, 05:36 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,177,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
I don't think "confront" would be the term I would use, as it's certainly not a confrontation. I'm friendly with my neighbors, and I would just mention to them that this is going on. As I said, I don't think a 9 year old talking to a 9 year old about periods, boys, or the tooth fairy is a big deal, it's going to happen. But if my 9 year old was discussing these things with a 5 year old, I would really appreciate a heads up so I can take the opportunity to discuss consideration and tolerance, as I (erroneously) assumed others might as well. There are lot of beliefs I consider and teach my kids as "truths", yet I also teach them that these are not necessarily other's beliefs, and they need to be respectfull.
I guess it just never occurred to me that one would have to wait for specific occasions to teach your child consideration and tolerance for others. Maybe that's a privilege reserved to those who are members of the dominant paradigm?
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Old 09-27-2011, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,177,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
I often tell my children to keep their beliefs and opinions to themselves to be nice.... I wasn't aware that others didn't do the same.
I don't find the issue of discretion to be that simple, personally.
Have I cautioned dd not to tell overweight people skinny jeans are not their best choice? Sure.
Did my son disabuse his 12yo friend of the Santa notion? Actually, his friend brought up the fact that he didn't really believe in Santa on his own. At that point, though, Manchild wasn't going to lie to him. That would have been pointless and disrespectful.
Have I taught my kids that remaining in the broom closet is a good choice for Pagans since some Christians get twitchy? Yeah, I'll get right on that...right after the evangelicals offer everyone else on my doorstep the same consideration. I mean...I don't encourage the kids to go wandering around wearing pentacles the size of dinner plates and calling themselves Lady Arianwynne Sylverhawkmeadowchildfluffybunny. That's just tacky. But if the subject comes up, I'm not encouraging them to lie, either.

Last edited by Aconite; 09-27-2011 at 05:57 AM..
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Old 09-27-2011, 01:59 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,145,771 times
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There are two different issues here.

1. Factual misinformation of human biology.
2. The untimely cool childhood fantasy.

On the first one, my pediatrician, my husband and I have all mentioned to our son that other kids, even older kids, don't necessarily know any more than he does. So to get his facts straight he should double check with his health educator, his parents or the book that we got for him. That said, if he comes to us with questions, we feel we should answer them openly and honestly to the degree that he is interested.

On the second issue, a simple what do you think? often suffices. These ideas are FUN, and kids WANT to believe in them. When they say yes I believe, you say something like good for you, you made up your own mind... Moving right along.
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Old 09-27-2011, 04:09 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,058,163 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
We laugh about it, they're of a different religion and sometimes we have to guide our children to keep certain things off topic, because they have different "truths".

I often tell my children to keep their beliefs and opinions to themselves to be nice.... I wasn't aware that others didn't do the same.
In our house everything was ON topic.

Considering how many religions (excuse me "belief systems") there are among family and friends (including the kids' friends when they were growing up) it was the most natural thing in the world to do. The house would have been deathly still if someone wasn't talking Halloween vs. Samhain vs. Harvest Festival.

I let my kids talk and tried not to interfere. Unless I heard something really interesting and I just had to find out more, lol.
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Old 09-27-2011, 05:59 PM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,430,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
How old was she when she started asking about it? I know things are different today , but my mom didn't even talk about anything with me until I was in 6th grade.... I certainly wouldn't wait that long of course, but I know I wasn't asking many ?? Before I was 10 or 11...
I got educated on "baby-making" by peers at 10 - way too old among already educated 7 year olds.

Yet, I am, too, in that cliff hanger: I feel I am just about approaching the decision to educate my daughter (8.4), yet I hesitate as she is not asking yet. She knows about periods already, - it's the baby-making we still need to discuss. The book I am holding onto has facts about both girls' and boys' maturation, with anatomical pictures of both genders at 8-9, 10-12, 13-15, 17-18. I like the no-nonsense anatomical/physiological part, but I balk at the second part of the book on "pleasuring yourself is no shame". THAT she is too young to be getting into, IMO.
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Old 09-27-2011, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,177,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
I got educated on "baby-making" by peers at 10 - way too old among already educated 7 year olds.

Yet, I am, too, in that cliff hanger: I feel I am just about approaching the decision to educate my daughter (8.4), yet I hesitate as she is not asking yet. She knows about periods already, - it's the baby-making we still need to discuss. The book I am holding onto has facts about both girls' and boys' maturation, with anatomical pictures of both genders at 8-9, 10-12, 13-15, 17-18. I like the no-nonsense anatomical/physiological part, but I balk at the second part of the book on "pleasuring yourself is no shame". THAT she is too young to be getting into, IMO.
As far as you know. My only comment on that is from a parent-of-boy POV: when he's just not quite reached The Age, teach him to wash his own sheets, and start keeping a box of kleenex at the bedside. And try not to think about it.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:15 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,364,612 times
Reputation: 1871
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite View Post
I guess it just never occurred to me that one would have to wait for specific occasions to teach your child consideration and tolerance for others. Maybe that's a privilege reserved to those who are members of the dominant paradigm?
Oh, well, it never occurred to me to sit my child down with a list of times and places where some things are appropriate and when some things aren't. When we go to the grocery store, I use that specific occasion as to what I expect from their behavior, when they are at church, it is a different behavior I can model and teach. Yes, I use opportunities as they arise and they often learn from their mistakes, as well as my own. Your way sounds a lot better, I just wouldn't know how to go about it. Do you have a textbook or a powerpoint you could share that covers every situation and how they should handle it? Pray do tell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite View Post
I don't find the issue of discretion to be that simple, personally.
Have I cautioned dd not to tell overweight people skinny jeans are not their best choice? Sure.
Did my son disabuse his 12yo friend of the Santa notion? Actually, his friend brought up the fact that he didn't really believe in Santa on his own. At that point, though, Manchild wasn't going to lie to him. That would have been pointless and disrespectful.
Have I taught my kids that remaining in the broom closet is a good choice for Pagans since some Christians get twitchy? Yeah, I'll get right on that...right after the evangelicals offer everyone else on my doorstep the same consideration. I mean...I don't encourage the kids to go wandering around wearing pentacles the size of dinner plates and calling themselves Lady Arianwynne Sylverhawkmeadowchildfluffybunny. That's just tacky. But if the subject comes up, I'm not encouraging them to lie, either.
This is all over my head, sorry your wit was lost on me. If its an attack on me because of my religious views (which I didn't know I've ever expressed on CD, but I might be wrong), that is exactly what I teach my children NOT to do. Isn't that what you are criticizing me about? Wouldn't you prefer me to teach them to quietly live their lives according to our religious principles and allow others the free will that their creator gave them, or am I stifling their honesty and you would rather them express their views to your children about eternal damnation and salvation?

I expressed the point that conversations BETWEEN PEERS (which would include your 12 year old son with his friend) is normal, but when the same conversation is had with a MUCH YOUNGER child, a parent might want to know, to have the opportunity to guide their child. I honestly didn't know how that was confrontational, but after your posts, I can see how.
I take my advice back, if I was expecting the conversation to go LIKE THAT, I would certainly not make that phone call...... I would move.
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