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Old 09-26-2011, 05:26 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,898,003 times
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Obviously, kids hear things from other kids all of the time, however, what do
You do when they are telling your daughters about getting their periods or " how babies are made", or telling your youngest who hasn't even lost a tooth yet, that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy?

My oldest is almost 9 and so it is okay that she is hearing about girls getting their period, we have had brief conversations , but I have yet to sit down &
have a full conversation about babies,etc.. And she has now been given some incorrect and confusing information that I need to "fix".

Most oif this information is coming from a neighbor who has several sisters , but she is also only 8 and she obviously doesn't understand what she is hearing or being told and the conversations are becoming more common, she seems obsessed with talking about girls getting their periods.
As for the tooth fairy, she has completely upset my 5 year old who hasn't lost a tooth yet and I know things have been said about Santa as well.

Would it be right for me to say something to her mom about this?
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Old 09-26-2011, 06:58 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,604,245 times
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The fact that your daughter is bringing up this information at all, is a clear sign that she's ready to hear about it. In the case of human reproduction, interest = appropriate timing.

If she had heard these things, said "EWWWWW!" and then put the whole thing aside in favor of her favorite jump rope game, then she wouldn't be ready to hear about it. But - she brings the info home to mom. That says "mom - I heard this. I don't get it. Please explain it to me" in 9-year-old-speak.

Tell her in an age-appropriate way, whatever it is she needs to hear, to correct misconceptions. If she is old enough to know about periods, then she's old enough to learn WHY women get their periods. You could hop onto the internet and look for child-appropriate diagrams of a woman's reproductive system and show her how those periods are for eggs that don't get fertilized to leave the body. And then of course you have to explain, in 9-year-old-speak, what "fertilized" means.

You don't have to get into all the sexual nitty gritty details, but there are plenty of books that are written just for the purpose, so that your little girl will have a general understanding of what all this stuff is about.
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Old 09-26-2011, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
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Honestly everyone goes through this when their children are younger and they socialize with children who are themselves younger siblings. When your children are a bit older, your younger one's will be spreading the news among their peers, that's just what happens.

And at 9, 3rd/4th grade, the chatter about the birds and the bees is widespread, better get going on a meaningful discussion.
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Old 09-26-2011, 08:19 AM
 
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I would speak to the parent about the tooth fairy and santa thing. It's one thing that she tells your 9 year old, but its not ok to tell the 5 year old.
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Old 09-26-2011, 08:55 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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I wouldn't mention the tooth fairy or Santa thing to the other kid's mom. It's not like you can put the cat back in the bag, and all that's going to do is create strife. If that mom thought it was important for the little girl to keep the secret ("Now remember, some kids still believe, so let's not ruin it for them"), she would have already told her.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Honestly everyone goes through this when their children are younger and they socialize with children who are themselves younger siblings. When your children are a bit older, your younger one's will be spreading the news among their peers, that's just what happens.

And at 9, 3rd/4th grade, the chatter about the birds and the bees is widespread, better get going on a meaningful discussion.
I will have the conversations about the birds and the bees when I feel it is appropriate for my daughter and when I feel she is ready.
She is still somewhat immature about the subject when I have brought it up in the past.
We have been reading the book from " American Girl, The All About You" book... It covers everything from hygiene to babies,etc...
That is how I know that she has been given confusing information...
As I stated in my op, I know kids hear things from others and am not AS concerned about my almost 9 yr old hearing those things as I am about my 5 year old who hasn't even lost a tooth yet, being to,d there is no such thing as the tooth fairy.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:25 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,722,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I will have the conversations about the birds and the bees when I feel it is appropriate for my daughter and when I feel she is ready.
She is still somewhat immature about the subject when I have brought it up in the past.
We have been reading the book from " American Girl, The All About You" book... It covers everything from hygiene to babies,etc...
That is how I know that she has been given confusing information...
As I stated in my op, I know kids hear things from others and am not AS concerned about my almost 9 yr old hearing those things as I am about my 5 year old who hasn't even lost a tooth yet, being to,d there is no such thing as the tooth fairy.
I have a four year old, so I'm pretty sure at some point in the near future someone's going to try and pop the Santa/Tooth Fairy/Mom Is The Best Person Ever bubbles.

I think the only thing you can do is to say, "Well I think the Tooth Fairy's real, and I think she's going to leave $100 bucks under your pillow - so why don't we just wait and see? Suzy/Johnny/Luanne don't know everything, and I believe she's coming".

It's inevitable someone's going to tell her they don't exist. Doesn't mean she has to believe them.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:31 AM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,805,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I will have the conversations about the birds and the bees when I feel it is appropriate for my daughter and when I feel she is ready.
She is still somewhat immature about the subject when I have brought it up in the past.
We have been reading the book from " American Girl, The All About You" book... It covers everything from hygiene to babies,etc...
That is how I know that she has been given confusing information...
As I stated in my op, I know kids hear things from others and am not AS concerned about my almost 9 yr old hearing those things as I am about my 5 year old who hasn't even lost a tooth yet, being to,d there is no such thing as the tooth fairy.
You can't control what anther child says or another parent allows. You can only control what happens in your own house.

Every once in a while one of my kids would have a friend or a classmate tell them that Santa, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc. weren't real.

When my kids would tell me what so-n-so had said, I'd look surprised and say: "Honey, some parents don't want their kids to receive presents from Santa. And that's o.k. But Santa does come to our house, so don't you worry about what so-n-so says!" And that seemed to do the trick.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:33 AM
 
353 posts, read 768,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
I would speak to the parent about the tooth fairy and santa thing. It's one thing that she tells your 9 year old, but its not ok to tell the 5 year old.
I'm curious as to what you think should be said.

We don't do Tooth Fairy or Santa. No one has to go shouting from the roof that it's all made up, but at the same time I am not going to tell my kids to lie about it if the conversation comes up. That would defeat the purpose of not participating in these things in the first place. How they choose to handle it, is up to them.

So if my kid says, "my mommy said that some kids believe in it, but it's not true" please tell me how you would confront me on this. I am very interested in this.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:40 AM
 
1,173 posts, read 3,964,920 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I will have the conversations about the birds and the bees when I feel it is appropriate for my daughter and when I feel she is ready.
She is still somewhat immature about the subject when I have brought it up in the past.
We have been reading the book from " American Girl, The All About You" book... It covers everything from hygiene to babies,etc...
That is how I know that she has been given confusing information...
As I stated in my op, I know kids hear things from others and am not AS concerned about my almost 9 yr old hearing those things as I am about my 5 year old who hasn't even lost a tooth yet, being to,d there is no such thing as the tooth fairy.
If she's talking about it, asking about and hearing about it--she's ready. Doesn't mean you are ready for it, but she is.

At the end of the day your little girl is getting information and if shes getting it from inexperianced sources that are all getting it from hearsay you can bet it's going to be wrong and confusing. It's best is she gets the real scoop from you now before she is confused any further or is drawn further to the taboo if she senses it's something you don't want to talk about.

I also think it's a good idea to have a discussion about discretion and modesty. That things of a sexual nature are not for public discussion and should be discussed in private and with the right audience, her little sister is not the right audience for that talk even if she's only in the room but "not paying attention".

Same deal for talks about the tooth fairy, santa clause, the easter bunny, etc. Tell her it's her job to convince her sister that there is a tooth fairy again otherwise SHE will be the tooth fairy and have to pay for each tooth that comes out of her little sisters mouth.

I also saw an awesome sign that says "When you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear" LOL, encourage your child to keep the magic alive inside your home and she will benefit too.

My son told me someone he knew didn't believe in Santa any more last x-mas (undoubtly someone with an older sibling!) and I told him "oh no that is sooo sad, Santa keeps a naughty and nice list but he also keeps a list of beilevers and he skips your house if he finds out you don't believe in him (he does it to save money He's not going to spend money on your gifts if you don't even believe in him)!!"

It didn't take too much too convince him again, little kids WANT to believe in magic and santa and free presents. I don't think all is lost with your little one, just remind your older child to use discretion when your little one is around and that it's her responsibility to make sure her friends do the same.

Do I think you should approch the neighbor childs mother? Unless you are already good friends beyond just the childrens relationship, absolutely not. Your children are your responsibility if you feel the child says inappropriate things then it's your job not to allow your children exposed to her, especially the younger one.
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