Parents: Is it ever okay to kick out a minor for any reason? (legally, teens)
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Is it ever okay to kick out a minor? Would you ever kick out your teenager for any reason at all? Is it legal?
I ask this because I was a victim of it. Yes I was a trouble maker, but had good reason to rebel, and in retrospect, I do not think I was THAT out of control to deserve being thrown out at age 17. For a teen to get off of the school bus, and come home to find the door of their home locked, not having anywhere else to go, is wrong to me. Is this an okay way to discipline your child? What would it take for you to "reach your limit" and when you did reach that point, would you try to find alternative help first?
I have my own kids now and they are young, but when I look at them I cannot imagine one day telling them to get out of their safe haven, their home just for talking back, coming home past curfew, being homosexual, or just plain not living up to their expectations. Shouldn't there be acceptance for mistakes. I realize you shouldn't 'enable' bad behavior and maybe parents don't know where to turn, but is that really an excuse for the price that kid will have to pay? When you kick them out like that, and I'm speaking from experience, that child goes through a lot. They were already lost before but now what are they supposed to do?
This of course all depends on each individual circumstance and there are about a million different ways it could go. In my situation, I suffered from a substantial amount of emotional abuse due to the fact that my mother allowed our dog to attack me multiple times. It knew it was above me. Add that along to some other things, the fact that my mom probably has some major psychological issues, plus her kicking me out. I'm 26 and I am still dealing with feelings of resentment, anger, abandonment. It's awful and I would never wish this on my kids. I believe that a parent's job doesn't end at age 18. Unfortunately, my mom thought otherwise and there are many other teens who are given up on. You can read more about my story in more detail here on the forum if interested. There are also some great websites on the internet that go into depth on this subject. Thought it would be a great discussion topic.
If you have had this happen to you or you know someone who had it happen to them, please feel free to share your story. Opinions welcome, but please try to keep this positive, no trolling. Thank you!
I would definitely boot my kid and consider it doing him or her a favor. My goal is to raise responsible people.
My kids are small. My *hope* is that by raising them to understand the relationship between actions and consequences NOW, I will never be in that situation. But if my child selfishly disregarded the household rules consistently, yah I would look at whether or not they ought to continue to get a free ride.
That said, the child would know full well that that option was being considered and given an opportunity to straighten up and fly right. But there is no way I would enable a child to engage in destructive or dangerous behavior on my dime. And that is the kind of behavior that would trigger a conversation about them supporting their own selves if they want to engage in that kind of behavior.
It is impossible to say whether or not your Mom as acting appropriately. But if you are experiencing emotional distress, I would think therapy might be useful to you.
It doesn't matter if it is "okay" or not..
It's not legal.
You cannot legally kick someone out under the age of 18.
Plain and simple.
If your child is under 18 they are your responsibility and their behavior is as well, you either find some way to deal with it or send them somewhere, but out on the streets is not an option.
The day they turn 18, out they can go but before that no way in hell is it legal.
I would definitely boot my kid and consider it doing him or her a favor. My goal is to raise responsible people.
My kids are small. My *hope* is that by raising them to understand the relationship between actions and consequences NOW, I will never be in that situation. But if my child selfishly disregarded the household rules consistently, yah I would look at whether or not they ought to continue to get a free ride.
That said, the child would know full well that that option was being considered and given an opportunity to straighten up and fly right. But there is no way I would enable a child to engage in destructive or dangerous behavior on my dime. And that is the kind of behavior that would trigger a conversation about them supporting their own selves if they want to engage in that kind of behavior.
It is impossible to say whether or not your Mom as acting appropriately. But if you are experiencing emotional distress, I would think therapy might be useful to you.
This type of approach may work for immediate, short term results but does a lot of damage in the long run. I wouldn't do it.
My brother was into drugs. Did drugs in the house. Completely ignored my parents' attempts at assistance, negotiation, discipline. They did everything that they could think of. My parents were never abusive a day in their lives. But in typical teenaged know it all, he did not have to listen to them. Parents finally said fine. You are old enough to decide to do drugs and live the fast life. Then you are old enough to be on your own. Bye bye. Whhooooaaaa it is a whole lot harder to buy drugs when you are paying rent. He had to straighten himself out because no one was there to enable him.
Contrast that with a distant cousin. She started engaging in dangerous behavior at a young age; drinking, slutting... Mom and Dad wrung their hands and said Oh No What Do We Do?? They sent her to counseling; she came back and resumed her previous behavior. If there was a program, she went to it. Fifteen years later, she is still living in her parent's home, drinking herself slowly to death. They think that they are not enabling her because they don't buy her alcohol. But they cannot prevent her from getting it. Who is responsible for this woman's actions? She sure doesn't think she is.
Obviously these are only two different stories. Life is full of stories.
We owe our children. When we bring them into the world, we owe them. But we owe them so much more than just food and clothing. We owe them real world understanding. One thing that every human beign needs to understand is that they must take responsibility for their actions and the consequences thereof.
We owe our children. When we bring them into the world, we owe them. But we owe them so much more than just food and clothing. We owe them real world understanding. One thing that every human beign needs to understand is that they must take responsibility for their actions and the consequences thereof.
It's still against the law to throw a minor into the streets.
Until they are legally adults, you need to find more creative ways to teach them world understanding and how to take responsibility for their actions.
No
But on the other hand you have a responsibility not to enable them.
Here is where the problem lies.
A drug consuming minor will live in his room with two sets of sweats, sheets and a blanket. Meals with the family, responsibility to jobs and school.
Free to leave if it is not acceptable but no "kicking" out.
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