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Old 10-08-2011, 09:44 AM
 
Location: So Ca
5,390 posts, read 5,144,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lawmom View Post
I think she is scared about what her body is doing. It might be too much, too fast, so I am going to back off...
Give her the book What's Happening to My Body? For Girls (there's one for boys, too). She can read the parts about sex later, when she feels like it. Both our kids had a copy in their rooms and they could look--or not look--at it whenever they wanted to. Our daughter got her period in 4th grade and it's very upsetting to them when they're the only ones in their classroom with it. No wonder the whole thing overwhelms your daughter.

(p.s. I felt bad for our D since while everyone else was on the playground during recess, she was trying to figure out how to hide a Kotex pad in her pocket so she could get in and out of the restroom without anyone noticing. Bringing up sex? She didn't want to hear it then, either.)
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Old 10-09-2011, 06:49 PM
 
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I never talked about sex with my parents, but I do remember feeling very uncomfortable about the topic of sex when we were taught sex ed in elementary and in middle school. I literally cringed and tried to think of other stuff so I wouldn't have to hear what was being said. We were actually first taught about sex ed when we were in the third grade, which in my opinion was far too young. Nobody handled it maturely and they all just laughed about it instead. But most of them looked horribly uncomfortable about it. I know I was.

At eleven years old, she's going through a lot of changes in her life, starting middle school, making new friends, and everything about her is changing very quickly. So, of course she isn't comfortable with the topic of sex. Maybe it'd be best to wait until she's 13. It's a distressing topic, and of course, you want her to be educated but not talking to her about sex doesn't mean she'll go and have sex. As I said, I never talked about it with my parents or with anyone else and I still don't, but at 18, I am still a virgin as I've made a decision to wait until I get married. It was a decision that I made myself and nobody influenced me to do that. My parents never taught or talked to me about abstinence either. But I did have a friend who was taught and talked to by her parents about sex from the time she was 10 and she ended up pregnant at 15. Then got married and had her baby at 16. She's doing okay, I mean, she and her husband are in college, but it's difficult.

Anyway, I personally think the best thing to do is let her talk about it first.

Thankfully, statistics from the CDC show that sexual activity among teenagers is falling. The % of high school students who have ever had sex was around 46% in 2009, down from nearly 55% in 1990. Contraceptive use and the usage of protection increased during that time. Hopefully this trend will continue.

Last edited by 90sman; 10-09-2011 at 07:02 PM..
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Old 10-09-2011, 10:42 PM
 
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She might be mortified to talk specifically with YOU about it, because after the sex ed class, she probably cannot look at her parents the same way ever again.

She knows what you do! : )
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Old 03-14-2012, 08:13 AM
 
1,228 posts, read 461,456 times
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depends on the culture Latin americans an Europeans are very open with sex an sex education.

I wonder did something happen to this girl was she violated and now afraid to open up about it and not telling you about a bad experience. It seems something is wrong that she is so scared of the subject.
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Old 03-14-2012, 10:40 AM
 
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SUPERCHIC...probably what happened was she was forced to watch a film about sex with a class that included boys as well...quite mortifying really...for such a young girl...and you can just imagine the "gaffaws"...and the "snickers" that went with it.....enough to make any young girl clam up.
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Old 03-14-2012, 12:09 PM
 
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I think waiting like you said until she is ready is fine. She might not ever be ready to talk to you about it, she might learn on her own. I'm not one to buy into the "parent talk" having that much impact on a teen using safe sex or not. By the age they are having sex they know pretty much all that comes with it, they just don't care. Their feelings override common sense. It's not like their all just idiots and if we have the "talk" it will solve anything, IMO.
Some kids will cross the lines, even if they are told it isn't a good idea. I never had the "talk" and I have two teens that haven't had sex. They are out of high school already and on to college, they still haven't had sex. I never had the talk, so, I wouldn't worry to much about it. What will happen will happen, all you can do is hope she doesn't take risks. It won't really matter in my opinion if you want her to be careful or not. Maybe it will just make you feel better to have the talk, that's all I think it will do, IMO.
You can threaten the risk takers but I'm not sure it will work. Worth a try I guess.
Just think back to when you were a teenager. If anything worked for you then try that.
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Old 03-14-2012, 01:01 PM
Status: "My Child is an Honor Student. My Governor is a Moron!" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
25,976 posts, read 17,218,767 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppySead View Post
I think waiting like you said until she is ready is fine. She might not ever be ready to talk to you about it, she might learn on her own. I'm not one to buy into the "parent talk" having that much impact on a teen using safe sex or not. By the age they are having sex they know pretty much all that comes with it, they just don't care. Their feelings override common sense. It's not like their all just idiots and if we have the "talk" it will solve anything, IMO.
Some kids will cross the lines, even if they are told it isn't a good idea. I never had the "talk" and I have two teens that haven't had sex. They are out of high school already and on to college, they still haven't had sex. I never had the talk, so, I wouldn't worry to much about it. What will happen will happen, all you can do is hope she doesn't take risks. It won't really matter in my opinion if you want her to be careful or not. Maybe it will just make you feel better to have the talk, that's all I think it will do, IMO.
You can threaten the risk takers but I'm not sure it will work. Worth a try I guess.
Just think back to when you were a teenager. If anything worked for you then try that.
I disagree completely. While she may not care about it NOW she will eventually need to learn and it is better to learn from a responsible adult and not from her friends.

To say what will happen will happen is putting blinders on. I think approaching the topic in a mature healthy way will go a long way towards empowering her and giving her the facts to make good decisions.
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Old 03-14-2012, 01:47 PM
 
3,518 posts, read 2,877,450 times
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Go on a long car ride just the two of you and tell her everything she needs to know. She doesn't have to say a word, she just has to be there. Worked on Malcolm in the Middle and for me, car rides with my mom when I could ask her questions but stare out of the window to avoid the horrible awkwardness.
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Old 03-14-2012, 05:36 PM
 
772 posts, read 502,262 times
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I think the book route is the way to go. Something for very young girls that focuses on menstruation but has some general information about sex and birth control would probably be good at this age. I remember a couple of strained conversations my parents forced themselves to have with me on the dreaded topic and I don't think anything was gained other than mortification for all involved. My Dad would leave books around, though, and that was helpful.

When your daughter is a few years older, "Our Bodies, Ourselves" might be a book to think about getting. It would give real information about reproductive health and would empower her rather than frightening her. It's way too early for that, though, particularly in light of her reactions.
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Old 03-14-2012, 05:46 PM
 
5,532 posts, read 2,715,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by forum_browser View Post
I think the book route is the way to go. Something for very young girls that focuses on menstruation but has some general information about sex and birth control would probably be good at this age. I remember a couple of strained conversations my parents forced themselves to have with me on the dreaded topic and I don't think anything was gained other than mortification for all involved. My Dad would leave books around, though, and that was helpful.

When your daughter is a few years older, "Our Bodies, Ourselves" might be a book to think about getting. It would give real information about reproductive health and would empower her rather than frightening her. It's way too early for that, though, particularly in light of her reactions.
I totally agree, leaving good books around, good internet sites, there are a lot of ways to pass down useful information if they are uncomfortable talking to the parent. And lets not forget the school does a lot in that area now.

Who knows, when they are older you might find out they are pretty smart about it and they might share it with you then, when they feel better about it.
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