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Old 10-06-2011, 01:43 PM
 
9,931 posts, read 7,047,943 times
Reputation: 7982
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Allowed to throw a tantrum? Oh my, how the world has changed. When I was a child, I knew I darn well better NOT throw a tantrum and I darn well better behave myself in stores.

I just always wonder, in these situation, who is in charge here.

20yrsinBranson
Beaten into submission, were ya?

Parents need to ignore the reactions of others and be consistent in how they respond.

Kids throw tantrums for several reasons:

1. Frustration - adults get frustrated, but have learned self-control. Kids have not learned *how* to control themselves yet, so tantrums from frustration are inevitable. The best way to treat these is to be proactive and teach kids how to self-calm when they are in a good mood and then to help them use these self-calming techniques when they do become frustrated.

2. To Get What they Want - these are the tantrums where the best tactic is not to give in. If you do give in, it is probably best to do so before the child starts to tantrum because otherwise you are teaching that tantrums will get you what you want. Ignoring these kinds of tantrums will extinguish them more quickly than any form of punishment. You can also treat these tantrums with humor. Child "I want candy." Mom "I want a rocket trip to Mars." You can make this into a whole scenario and have fun with it ending by giving your child pretend candy as s/he gives you a pretend rocket ship.

3. To get attention - these kinds of tantrums are best dealt with again by being proactive and giving the child lots of positive attention when they are doing the things that you want them to do. Ignoring can work for these kinds of tantrums as long as you really ignore them rather than giving negative attention.

All of these tantrums are easier to deal with at home than in a grocery store. For the grocery store situation, it often helps to have talked about treats beforehand. It also helps to go over the expected behavior before going to the store.
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Old 10-06-2011, 01:56 PM
 
Location: On a Voyage Around the Sun
21,256 posts, read 11,786,923 times
Reputation: 22707
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
Parents need to ignore the reactions of others.
Nah. More fun to give as good as you're gettin.
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
12,077 posts, read 11,036,727 times
Reputation: 13421
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetAsRain View Post
Heres one:

Just because you think your kid is cute, don't expect me to think that.

I have friends/family that constantly put up videos or pics of their kids doing "silly" things on FB that aren't very funny or cute.

Nothing beats a situation like being in a waiting room with a loud kid and the mom is just laughing at everything little thing her precious is doing.

I am a mother of three (not perfect) kids, for the record.
sorry, but I have one better:

Sing a song for grandma.

that's when I heard it all, and yes, the little boy did sing a song...

I was having one of those visions with my 3 boys doing backup....in Greek ( we speak greek)
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:06 PM
 
Location: USA
2,130 posts, read 1,454,020 times
Reputation: 3504
Neither of my kids ever threw tantrums. I'm not saying it's due to my spectacular mothering skills, definitely not. I think they both just have the energy level of a dead slug and never got worked up enough to have a tantrum.
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 1,688,355 times
Reputation: 2352
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
Neither of my kids ever threw tantrums. I'm not saying it's due to my spectacular mothering skills, definitely not. I think they both just have the energy level of a dead slug and never got worked up enough to have a tantrum.
Hahahaha! Best descriptor I have read all day - thanks for the chuckle!
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:14 PM
 
Location: On a Voyage Around the Sun
21,256 posts, read 11,786,923 times
Reputation: 22707
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
Neither of my kids ever threw tantrums. I'm not saying it's due to my spectacular mothering skills, definitely not. I think they both just have the energy level of a dead slug and never got worked up enough to have a tantrum.
I love honesty. You get one of these:
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
12,077 posts, read 11,036,727 times
Reputation: 13421
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post
Neither of my kids ever threw tantrums. I'm not saying it's due to my spectacular mothering skills, definitely not. I think they both just have the energy level of a dead slug and never got worked up enough to have a tantrum.


you got an ear to ear smile over here too !!!
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:36 PM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 1,227,474 times
Reputation: 2017
Just because I ran into a grocery store with DD's hair a mess and she is covered in mulch and dirt, that doesn't mean I am a neglectful parent, so please stop giving me "the slow head shake". I have an active child and I would like to stop and get milk on the way home from the park. I don't feel the need to drive past the store, give DD a bath, get her dressed in clean clothes and then go back out to get milk.
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,061,681 times
Reputation: 19139
Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo61397 View Post
Today while grocery shopping, my son asked for "red cereal" (Froot Loops). At first I told him no. He became insistent, and normally, I don't give in, but he had just finished up a doctor's appointment, and he had a blood draw, and was about to start melting down, so I relented. A woman in the same aisle gave me the, "are you for real?" look, and theatrically rolled her eyes when I relented. And this got me thinking about the "What teachers want to tell parents," and "What parents want to tell teachers," so I created this thread to tell people what I would like to say to other parents/people:

My ten things:

10. To the lady in this instance, I would have very much like to say, is it OK for a parent to change their mind, it's OK to realize that sometimes a battle isn't worth the casualties. I'm sure the same theatrical eye roll would have been accompanied by ******ing if I had stuck to my guns, and allowed my child to throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. It's a box of Froot Loops get over it.

9. To talk about things you don't know much about. I hear a lot of parents saying, "I would NEVER medicate my children, I don't believe in ADHD/autism/etc..." Sure, you may not NOW, but if you had a child that was suffering, would you say the same thing.

8. Use common sense. Lacking common sense-- taking your kid to a 5-star restaurant at 9:00 PM on a school night. Common sense-- going to Applebees at dinner hour. You all wonder why there are "brat bans", well because no one uses common sense when it comes to kids.

7. Kids are not the latest and greatest fashion accessory. If you want to accessorize, buy a Louis Vuitton. Just like a pet is a 20 year commitment, a child is a lifelong commitment.

6. Judge lest thee be judged. Don't judge my child's behavior when your kids are hanging off the rafters at a store. Today (same grocery store), my son and I are talking (due to his autism, he talks kind of loud and doesn't make sense, but he's fun and a cute kid). This woman is just giving the stink eye, all the while her two children are literally opening the freezer doors in the frozen section and then riding on them as they open and close.

5. Don't begrudge parents for making decisions that are best for them. If you want to work, good for you, but don't sit on a high horse and tell every one and their mother that you are better than a stay at home mom.

4. Read to your children, interact with them, talk to them. They are interesting people. I can't tell you how many times, I go to the doctor's office, the clinic, etc, and see parents sitting in a waiting room playing with their iPhones, while their kids are playing with their Nintendo Gameboys (or whatever new fangled things is out there). You just wasted 20 valuable minutes that you could have spent interacting with your children.

3. You want to stop bullying, don't be one! People are not perfect, children are not perfect. Your little precious should be exposed to other people, if you don't like it, homeschool.

2. I don't go around and tell people who spank not to, please don't come to me and tell me how to discipline my child.

1. Women, quit being judgmental cows. It's unbecoming.
Right off the bat, I can't think of anything to add....except that I LIKE your list!

Judge not, lest ye be judged...to me, is one of the most important and goes hand in hand with "My child will NEVER!!!" If you judge someone and say, "My child will NEVER", you will probably be judged by someone for the very same thing....WHEN your child does that very same thing that you said they'd never do.
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Old 10-06-2011, 02:52 PM
 
20,802 posts, read 30,727,047 times
Reputation: 9820
How about "parents, stop using your child's 'diagnosis' to excuse rotten behavior and lazy parenting". I get so tired seeing kids misbehave only to have the parents say "well, he's ADHD" or whatever. Yes, it is harder for them to behave but that doesn't mean you LET them misbehave.
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