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Old 10-12-2011, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,199,379 times
Reputation: 19148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
I know. That was a disgusting post.
....especially for those mothers who have no CHOICE but to leave their precious babies at daycare and return to work. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I HAD to leave my tiny ones at daycare, I bawled! I was sick to my stomach and felt like I was a horrible, horrible mommy for leaving them with someone else. I had no choice! It was either, trust someone else to take care of them, or end up in "the system" so that I could take care of them myself. However, in the process, I would have been relying on OTHERS to take care of us all.

My heart goes out to all of the mommies who are FORCED to leave their babies and go back to work. I'm not saying that I haven't known SAHMs (in my younger days), who were staying up, partying all night long, then "dumping their little ones" at daycare the next day so that they could catch up on their sleep and get their housework done, but those people were few and far between. Truth be told, many of those children were better off in daycare though.

 
Old 10-12-2011, 10:10 AM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 1,260,473 times
Reputation: 2017
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
....especially for those mothers who have no CHOICE but to leave their precious babies at daycare and return to work. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I HAD to leave my tiny ones at daycare, I bawled! I was sick to my stomach and felt like I was a horrible, horrible mommy for leaving them with someone else. I had no choice! It was either, trust someone else to take care of them, or end up in "the system" so that I could take care of them myself. However, in the process, I would have been relying on OTHERS to take care of us all.

My heart goes out to all of the mommies who are FORCED to leave their babies and go back to work. I'm not saying that I haven't known SAHMs (in my younger days), who were staying up, partying all night long, then "dumping their little ones" at daycare the next day so that they could catch up on their sleep and get their housework done, but those people were few and far between. Truth be told, many of those children were better off in daycare though.
I agree completely Mel. That was why I was so hurt by that statement. I cried the entire first week that I had to put my baby in day care. It was such a painful thing to do. I still feel guilt for it sometimes and she is 6.

If someone thinks that new moms enjoy dropping off their precious baby in someone else's care, either they don't know many mothers or they need to find a new group of people to surround themselves with.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 10:12 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
9,436 posts, read 4,463,562 times
Reputation: 8458
Quote:
Originally Posted by elamigo View Post
Divisive hurtful statement? How so? Explain because I am lost on this one. If I made an observation and it hurts or offends someone, then say it and I clarify my statement. The motive was not to hurt or be divisive. That does not mean that making a statement does not hurt or is divisive. That may be the case for the simple reason that some people may take things personal and take it that way which was not the intent. The intent is to make an abservation. Take care.
Yes, Elamigo, we have digested your observation and have conceded the point that any offspring you produce will be far superior in every way - to that of any working Mother.

Pretty much - that is exactly what your original 'observation' was.

No doubt you have produced some perfect specimens. Really, there is no doubt in my mind that your children will be smarter, more attractive; attend better schools, obtain better jobs and just all around have a happier life than the child of a Working Mom. Those are the odds, you say?

Yes, absolutely ~ you are RIGHT!

Now off to work, bad mother that I am, so that I can put my child even further behind yours.

Take care.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 10:13 AM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 1,260,473 times
Reputation: 2017
I hadn't responded to that post for a couple of reasons:
1. I try to avoid posts that are posted just to get a rise out of people (I am not always successful at this which leads to #2)
2. It was such a hurtful statement that I had to walk away from it for a while to avoid posting something that would get me banned from this site.

Last edited by JustJulia; 10-12-2011 at 02:31 PM.. Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan and Sometimes Orange County CA
15,820 posts, read 30,995,308 times
Reputation: 11762
Quote:
Originally Posted by num1baby View Post
I agree completely Mel. That was why I was so hurt by that statement. I cried the entire first week that I had to put my baby in day care. It was such a painful thing to do. I still feel guilt for it sometimes and she is 6.

If someone thinks that new moms enjoy dropping off their precious baby in someone else's care, either they don't know many mothers or they need to find a new group of people to surround themselves with.

We went through this. Then one day my wife came home exhausted. The nanny complained about how difficult her day was doing the things that my wife was longing to do. Then she added: "Oh they started walking today. I filmed it for you"

That was the beginning of my wife's new career - SAHM. It was hard and we gambled for a while having no health insurance for anyone but me except what they call catastrophic insurance. We had to live with milk crates for furniture for a few more years. We postponed buying a house, saving for college and taking vacations. We ate a lot of pasta and hamburger helper for a while. Eventually we adjusted our lifestyle and recovered. Not easy by any means, but we discovered that we really did not need nice cars, electronics, vacations, etc. I became very proficient in repairing clunkers and keeping them running for a few more months. Our hobbies changed to things like biking, hiking, camping, gardening, and other free or nearly free things (clunker repair became a hobby as well). We learned how to accept charitable help from wealthy friends. That was extremely difficult.

We were able to pay the rent, utilities and groceries. Friends and relatives helped us with pretty much everything else from diapers to toys, clothing, babysitting, replacing broken appliances.

I am not suggesting that this is for everyone. However if you have two incomes, you usually CAN choose to stay at home with the kids, it just might be really awful for you. You may have to live in a tiny apartment or trailer and eat lots of cheap foods. Sometimes SAHM moms get a little crazy or start drinking. It is very lonely and difficult. However, to the best of my knowlege my wife is glad she did. She did go back to work part time as soon as the youngest was in 1st grade. This was more for her sanity than for income.

We were also lucky because my income skyrocketed about seven years after my wife quit working (I became a partner), so we were doing ok after that. It would have been really hard to do for 20 years if we did not have that income boost.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,199,379 times
Reputation: 19148
Quote:
Originally Posted by num1baby View Post
I agree completely Mel. That was why I was so hurt by that statement. I cried the entire first week that I had to put my baby in day care. It was such a painful thing to do. I still feel guilt for it sometimes and she is 6.

If someone thinks that new moms enjoy dropping off their precious baby in someone else's care, either they don't know many mothers or they need to find a new group of people to surround themselves with.
Num, my most heart crushing moments, that STILL, to this day, give me an ache in my chest and a lump in my throat, involved my oldest and my daughter. My earliest memories, therefore, were almost 28 years ago. I still remember it like it was yesterday!! I still remember the look on my son's face....that look of "why are you DOING this to me!". I remember leaving him when he was old enough to PLEAD with me, through sobs, to please, please, please don't LEAVE me. Oh man, I just get sick thinking about it.

Yeah, when I see posts, condemning mothers for "abandoning" their children to daycare, I get more than just a little pi$$y! It's not only ingnorant, but it's also cruel.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 11:33 AM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 1,260,473 times
Reputation: 2017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We went through this. Then one day my wife came home exhausted. The nanny complained about how difficult her day was doing the things that my wife was longing to do. Then she added: "Oh they started walking today. I filmed it for you"

That was the beginning of my wife's new career - SAHM. It was hard and we gambled for a while having no health insurance for anyone but me except what they call catastrophic insurance. We had to live with milk crates for furniture for a few more years. We postponed buying a house, saving for college and taking vacations. We ate a lot of pasta and hamburger helper for a while. Eventually we adjusted our lifestyle and recovered. Not easy by any means, but we discovered that we really did not need nice cars, electronics, vacations, etc. I became very proficient in repairing clunkers and keeping them running for a few more months. Our hobbies changed to things like biking, hiking, camping, gardening, and other free or nearly free things (clunker repair became a hobby as well). We learned how to accept charitable help from wealthy friends. That was extremely difficult.

We were able to pay the rent, utilities and groceries. Friends and relatives helped us with pretty much everything else from diapers to toys, clothing, babysitting, replacing broken appliances.

I am not suggesting that this is for everyone. However if you have two incomes, you usually CAN choose to stay at home with the kids, it just might be really awful for you. You may have to live in a tiny apartment or trailer and eat lots of cheap foods. Sometimes SAHM moms get a little crazy or start drinking. It is very lonely and difficult. However, to the best of my knowlege my wife is glad she did. She did go back to work part time as soon as the youngest was in 1st grade. This was more for her sanity than for income.

We were also lucky because my income skyrocketed about seven years after my wife quit working (I became a partner), so we were doing ok after that. It would have been really hard to do for 20 years if we did not have that income boost.
You are very fortunate that you had the option for your wife to stay home. What some people fail to realize is that even with 2 incomes, sometimes they are still just barely getting by. I will admit that I do occasionally splurge and by my DD new clothes, or will upgrade my groceries to include chicken. I did take a vacation one time a few years ago because someone paid for a hotel for us as a gift. For us it isn't possible to survive on one income. Because it isn't an option for us, I am offended when people make statements like the one in this thread.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 11:43 AM
 
Location: On a Satellite
21,598 posts, read 12,206,053 times
Reputation: 23116
Coldjenses was very fortunate he had wealthy friends to help him out. Lot of families out there who cannot expect help from even their own parents and in-laws.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 01:12 PM
 
1,469 posts, read 902,994 times
Reputation: 3959
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
....especially for those mothers who have no CHOICE but to leave their precious babies at daycare and return to work. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I HAD to leave my tiny ones at daycare, I bawled! I was sick to my stomach and felt like I was a horrible, horrible mommy for leaving them with someone else. I had no choice! It was either, trust someone else to take care of them, or end up in "the system" so that I could take care of them myself. However, in the process, I would have been relying on OTHERS to take care of us all.

My heart goes out to all of the mommies who are FORCED to leave their babies and go back to work. I'm not saying that I haven't known SAHMs (in my younger days), who were staying up, partying all night long, then "dumping their little ones" at daycare the next day so that they could catch up on their sleep and get their housework done, but those people were few and far between. Truth be told, many of those children were better off in daycare though.

Exactly beachmel. I was the same way, and every mom I know who had to leave her baby was devastating. It is hard to know that most of your baby's day will be spent with someone else, but we have to do what needs to be done to take care of them. It can't be very common for a mother to put her kids in daycare all day just because she doesn't want to be bothered with them.
 
Old 10-12-2011, 01:55 PM
 
5,910 posts, read 2,821,147 times
Reputation: 6996
Picklejuice - prove it.

Last edited by JustJulia; 10-12-2011 at 02:31 PM.. Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
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