A Quantitative Analysis of How Much Time Spent with Kids Correlates To The Child's Outcome... (raising, generation)
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Excellent point! That song is a cautionary tale to parents who value work and money over the relationship they are building with their kids.
In a semi-related note, there is a song whose lyrics pretty much sum up all I hope for my kids.
My Wish by Rascal Flatts
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
And now I'm .
Oh THANKS....now I'M This song gets me every time! How about Trace Adkins...."You're Gonna Miss This", or Rodney Atkins, "Watchin' You"? OMG!
Oh THANKS....now I'M This song gets me every time! How about Trace Adkins...."You're Gonna Miss This", or Rodney Atkins, "Watchin' You"? OMG!
Yep, those get me too. And that damn Rod Stewart and his Forever Young.
Sometimes I feel sorry for DH when we're riding along in the car with the radio on and I suddenly get all teary. He's learned it's just me being me. Bless him for being such a patient guy.
Yep, those get me too. And that damn Rod Stewart and his Forever Young.
Sometimes I feel sorry for DH when we're riding along in the car with the radio on and I suddenly get all teary. He's learned it's just me being me. Bless him for being such a patient guy.
Tim McGraw...."Don't Take the Girl"... I turn it down. I'm GONE, if I listen to that song. Sometimes hubby tears up with me on certain songs, sometimes he laughs at me. I appreciate the laughing at me, it keeps me from getting too carried away! LOL
Tim McGraw...."Don't Take the Girl"... I turn it down. I'm GONE, if I listen to that song. Sometimes hubby tears up with me on certain songs, sometimes he laughs at me. I appreciate the laughing at me, it keeps me from getting too carried away! LOL
I'm often curious about parents who don't make time for their kids. Did they ever hear the song "The Cat's in the Cradle"? It's ironic, just how very true that song can be. Mind you, the part about "I'm gonna be like you, dad. You know I'm gonna be like you.....I'm gonna be like him, yeah, you know I'm gonna be like him".... is kind of optional in a way. I've met many kids who do not turn out like their parents and in fact, turn out to be polar opposites.
What I have seen, over and over again, in families where the parents are not truly interested in spending time with their kids, and/or choose work or other things over them, is that their kids eventually pick up the same habits. Obviously not ALWAYS, but more often than not, once those children reach a certain age, they no longer find it worth the effort.
I've seen many, many times, even on these boards, where adults say, "My mom/dad has just never been there for me. It's like they've always been so self-absorbed, with their jobs/friends/alcohol/hobbies, that they've never had time for me. I gave up. I've learned not to need them and I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm nothing more than a distraction for them. I'm done.".
Here's the flip side now.... I've spent quite a few years, with literally hundreds of senior citizens. I've SEEN, firsthand, how this all plays out in the end. You don't just get involved with your "patient", but their families as well. You become an innocent bystander, who gets both sides of the stories and sees the repurcussions for people's mistakes. Oh, it's really easy to blame those kids who don't visit their elderly parents, until you find out that the parent was never there for their child...never truly connected with them. People shut off their feelings for someone if they're never reciprocated and are made to feel unloved and unwanted. How can you feel guilty about seeing someone you feel NOTHING for. It's our "parenting" and our love, that can make a huge difference in how our children relate to us later.
If you constantly drum into a child that a successful, high-paying career and a high SES status are the most important things in life..... if you demonstrate to your children that money and status are the most important things in life....you may find yourself being way, way down on their totem pole. They're NOT going to have time for you. If they do, "you'll think them weak and unsuccessful". They're going to be so busy with their own lives and careers, so busy trying to be everything that you FORCE fed them, as the only acceptable way to be...that they will not only not have time for you, but they won't feel the least bit guilty about it either!
Why would they? YOU are the one who showed them that THIS is the way to be. YOU are the one who demonstrated the unimportance of relationship and family. You are the one who said, "Money over family! I'm doing this for your own good! There is time for family later!" The truth is, if you don't make time for family when they're young, they're not going to make time for family later. They will feel no need. Many of them will establish their own families and that tight little family unit, will be the only one they have time for. If you're lucky, you won't have to suffer with watching them make the same mistakes that you did....continuing that chain of pain and rejection for their own children.
You really only have one shot at establishing a great relationship with your kids. Raise your children the way you want your grandchildren to be raised. Think ahead, long and carefully. You're contributing far more to your child's future than you think you are. Good AND bad...and it's likely going to come back and bite you in the a$$ if you're not careful.
Excellent post. I've said it on here before that I was laid off in the beginning of 2009. I got another job rather quickly, but at a much reduced salary. We are still comfortable, but had to make a lot of monetary sacrifices and gave up things we wanted in order for my wife to remain a SAHM on our new income. One of the biggest things she and I gave up personally were our luxury cars and the payments that went with them.
One of the benefits at my new job is that I basically work 9a-5p. I work for a very family oriented and stable company. I can take time off when needed to attend to family matters and I can even show up a little late the days I want to take my son to school. Best of all, I am not tethered to a phone and computer waiting to put out fires everyday like I used to be. Our evenings and weekends are about family and spending time together, not daddy hacking away on his laptop or standing in the corner screaming into his cell phone.
Recently I was offered another job at a high level within another company. The salary would have been greater than the one I lost in 2009. It would fix a lot of things for us financially and we could drive the cars we wanted, my wife could buy the new furniture she wanted, we could take vacations again, etc. However, that job came with a lot of travel and an omnipresent cell phone and laptop. I turned it down. Maybe it was stupid, maybe an opportunity like that will never come again. However, I can guarantee you my children will never be children again.
I have to admit that I really did consider it and it may sound corny, but I was somewhat influenced by a sign hanging in my MIL's powder room to choose not to take it...
Quote:
A hundred years from now no one will remember
How much money I had in the bank
what kind of car I drove
or what kind of job I had.
But I will be remembered
as someone special
because I made a difference
in the life of a child.
When we decided to relocate DH and I decided together that he should look for a job that didn't require travel. We would be miserable if he were gone all the time. He could have made more money that way, but I'm happier to have him home by 5:00 most days. "Someone" might call that selfish because he could be making more money. I don't think so at all.
Excellent post. I've said it on here before that I was laid off in the beginning of 2009. I got another job rather quickly, but at a much reduced salary. We are still comfortable, but had to make a lot of monetary sacrifices and gave up things we wanted in order for my wife to remain a SAHM on our new income. One of the biggest things she and I gave up personally were our luxury cars and the payments that went with them.
One of the benefits at my new job is that I basically work 9a-5p. I work for a very family oriented and stable company. I can take time off when needed to attend to family matters and I can even show up a little late the days I want to take my son to school. Best of all, I am not tethered to a phone and computer waiting to put out fires everyday like I used to be. Our evenings and weekends are about family and spending time together, not daddy hacking away on his laptop or standing in the corner screaming into his cell phone.
Recently I was offered another job at a high level within another company. The salary would have been greater than the one I lost in 2009. It would fix a lot of things for us financially and we could drive the cars we wanted, my wife could buy the new furniture she wanted, we could take vacations again, etc. However, that job came with a lot of travel and an omnipresent cell phone and laptop. I turned it down. Maybe it was stupid, maybe an opportunity like that will never come again. However, I can guarantee you my children will never be children again.
I have to admit that I really did consider it and it may sound corny, but I was somewhat influenced by a sign hanging in my MIL's powder room to choose not to take it...
NJ....I don't think it's corny at all! It's the flat out honest truth. The benefits you and your family will reap from your decision, can not be bought with that extra money. Those things you're giving up, are just that...they're just things, things that will not matter in the long run. I applaud and admire your decision to choose family over more money!
Um...I know this is anecdotal, but both my brother and I know the parent that stayed at home with us 10 times better than we know the one that didn't. And that SAH parent knows us like the back of the hand.
So in the same family, two parents...one gone working and one with the kids. One has an insanely close and relationship with the kids, who know that parent equally well. While the other parent is absolutely adored (bc this was also a very nice, attentive parent who used all the time not at work with the kids), it's the parent that doesn't know anyone in the family as well as the three of us know each other.
Let's get real. There is a difference. People who keep trying to say there isn't a difference are just kidding themselves. That's not to say they don't have a great relationship with their kids. We have a fantastic relationship with our worker parent. But it's not the same level of closeness. It can't be. We haven't spent as much time together.
Excellent post. I've said it on here before that I was laid off in the beginning of 2009. I got another job rather quickly, but at a much reduced salary. We are still comfortable, but had to make a lot of monetary sacrifices and gave up things we wanted in order for my wife to remain a SAHM on our new income. One of the biggest things she and I gave up personally were our luxury cars and the payments that went with them.
One of the benefits at my new job is that I basically work 9a-5p. I work for a very family oriented and stable company. I can take time off when needed to attend to family matters and I can even show up a little late the days I want to take my son to school. Best of all, I am not tethered to a phone and computer waiting to put out fires everyday like I used to be. Our evenings and weekends are about family and spending time together, not daddy hacking away on his laptop or standing in the corner screaming into his cell phone.
Recently I was offered another job at a high level within another company. The salary would have been greater than the one I lost in 2009. It would fix a lot of things for us financially and we could drive the cars we wanted, my wife could buy the new furniture she wanted, we could take vacations again, etc. However, that job came with a lot of travel and an omnipresent cell phone and laptop. I turned it down. Maybe it was stupid, maybe an opportunity like that will never come again. However, I can guarantee you my children will never be children again.
I have to admit that I really did consider it and it may sound corny, but I was somewhat influenced by a sign hanging in my MIL's powder room to choose not to take it...
If you have chosen the better paying job, 20 years from now, your kids won't be reminiscing about how they loved riding around in some luxury car. By turning it down, their memories will be about times you spent together.
Kudos to you for making a choice in favor of what really matters!
And it's so true, my kids are my sunshine. If it weren't for them, I don't know where I'd be in life. They keep me focused and grounded.
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