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Old 10-26-2011, 02:07 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 28,866,855 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl View Post
Agree with some of this. I should never have made that ONE remark about my gkid having a very late bedtime. While my son was in the hospital, I have been asked to pick my gc up from school. She has fallen asleep in the car on the way home every time I have picked her up. She is Always sick. I really believe she is sleep deprived for those reasons and because she is very grouchy, craves sugar and whines a lot. She doesn't want to go to tumbling or skating on weekends when I've kept her....she has pretty low energy..
Maybe she's sick and sleep deprived because her daddy is in and out of the hospital? Maybe they're eating Pop Tarts because they have to be at the lab for tests at 7am and they're nervous about the results and they were too dang tired to shop the night before.

My family has dealt with a lot of illness and surgeries. There were times that the friend who walked in the front door with a loaf of fresh bread, a gallon of milk and a bag full of hamburgers was my favorite person on Earth.

Think about what you can do to help them. Ask. If DIL does say, "nothing" respect that. When you are dealing with an ill family member, nobody is thinking straight. Bedtimes can be igored. Sometimes dinner is PB&J and grape juice. Life is not "normal" when a family member is undergoing repeated hospitalizations and surgeries. Please don't think in terms of "should be" because they are probably in survival mode.
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Old 10-26-2011, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,262 posts, read 4,734,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
At the OP, this is a very unique situation that must be handled delicately. My initial reaction has already been covered by Icibiu. The only thing left is to focus on the grand kids and eventually (hopefully) they will open your sons eyes. One thing i made very clear to my wife (then girl friend) was the bond between my mother and I. She is fully aware that any attempts to create friction between us will be thwarted.

I wouldnt worry so much about the DIL as she has no incentive to really want to forge a relationship with you. The onus is on your son to make it clear that he wants you in his life and the wife will have to adjust!!!

BTW the title of the thread does not represent MOST sons. Just saying
Percentage - would you mind sharing what it was in your upbringing that made you know and want to protect the bond with your Mom? I have 2 brothers for whom this saying is absolutely true and a husband who would have done anything for his Mom (in a healthy way!) until the day she died. I worry about this with my little boy because I can't even imagine the hurt it would cause me.
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Old 10-26-2011, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,262 posts, read 4,734,873 times
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Squirl - you've gotten a lot of really helpful advice that you seem to be taking in and willing to try. And you should. But I just have to say - women can be awful and this sucks. Yes, you will obviously have to tiptoe around this landmine of a DIL in order to ever see your son or grandchild. But I will just childishly stamp my feet with you for a minute. Her mother gets to give advice and be around ALL the time. But you have to wait for an engraved invitation to see your son? And keep your mouth shut all the time and never give him advice? It just isn't fair. And I don't understand why men put up with women like this.

Now, please disregard and go back to the mature and very good advice you've been given.
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Old 10-26-2011, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Simmering in DFW
6,947 posts, read 18,440,876 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
Squirl - you've gotten a lot of really helpful advice that you seem to be taking in and willing to try. And you should. But I just have to say - women can be awful and this sucks. Yes, you will obviously have to tiptoe around this landmine of a DIL in order to ever see your son or grandchild. But I will just childishly stamp my feet with you for a minute. Her mother gets to give advice and be around ALL the time. But you have to wait for an engraved invitation to see your son? And keep your mouth shut all the time and never give him advice? It just isn't fair. And I don't understand why men put up with women like this.

Now, please disregard and go back to the mature and very good advice you've been given.
Thanks for that, I am a strong person but it's nice to read your post. decided tonight i am going to do some trashing of the dil when I go for wine with my girlfriends. have never done that. But I will tonight. I am familiar with the stress of dealing with the impact of hospitalizations on a family, having done hospice for a year with my DH's cancer before he died....

The more I read through this thread, the better I feel. I am so over feeling sorry for myself. I have a great marriage, super friends, an engaging career and a grandkid I am over the moon in love with. My silly dil with her pedicures and GED education won't take up one more iota of concern in my
world. And my son knows my phone number and email address....
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Old 10-26-2011, 03:03 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 28,866,855 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl View Post
I am familiar with the stress of dealing with the impact of hospitalizations on a family, having done hospice for a year with my DH's cancer before he died......
I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs.

Your plan for tonight sounds perfect. Probably just what you need.
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Old 10-26-2011, 03:25 PM
 
Location: here
24,296 posts, read 28,262,371 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl View Post
Absolutely! Totally love this kid; and she loves me, too! But at my house there is a bedtime and at least "try" veggies if you want dessert. Just wish I could do the spoiling......but we have alot of laughs and great fun together!

Oh, and I also give her vitamins at my house (no, she doesn't get them at home....).
FWIW, I am with you on the healthy food and bed time. You can't control what they do in their own house, and you will only drive them away if you try. Set a good example and hope it rubs off.
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Old 10-26-2011, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,262 posts, read 4,734,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
FWIW, I am with you on the healthy food and bed time. You can't control what they do in their own house, and you will only drive them away if you try. Set a good example and hope it rubs off.
And keep in mind that, in all likelihood, she will turn out just fine!
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Old 10-28-2011, 10:59 AM
 
11,121 posts, read 9,044,581 times
Reputation: 14418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl View Post
As the grandmother, I have voiced my concerns about bedtime (never diet, she says with throbbing tongue!) and once I offered to pay for and babysit while they attend child rearing classes. I failed to mention this in my post.

How do I say this in the nicest possible way. That is a fairly glaring omission. If I were your DIL, and you told me I needed child rearing classes, I would avoid you like the bubonic plague as well. Your opinions on THEIR parenting are not important. THEY are the parents.
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Simmering in DFW
6,947 posts, read 18,440,876 times
Reputation: 7164
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
How do I say this in the nicest possible way. That is a fairly glaring omission. If I were your DIL, and you told me I needed child rearing classes, I would avoid you like the bubonic plague as well. Your opinions on THEIR parenting are not important. THEY are the parents.
If you read the thread -- tho I know there's lots of posts by now -- you would have read that my son phoned me and asked my opinion to which I responded that I was no expert but if they as a couple were at odds with eachother over childrearing issues I'd gladly pay for parenting classes and babysit if they needed it to go to the classes. I never suggested to my DIL they needed to take the classes; made the offer to my son because they were fighting about differences in discipline ....and since I refused to hear the problem I really don't know what the issues were back then.
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:45 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,923,663 times
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How did that night out go, Squirl? Feeling any better?
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