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You haven't stifled a thing. Honestly, if you think you have then you're kidding yourself. I'm afraid the vibes are not only there, but your disapproval is likely blatant and bathed in bright glowing light from above, with big neon arrows pointing to it.
Nobody's going to raise a child exactly how we think they should be raised. The only way to do it the way you want it done is to do it yourself, and you've already had that chance.
So you have two choices, stop controlling what they're doing (in your head or otherwise) and enjoy your grandchild, or don't hang out with them anymore.
You should probably decide which route you would like to take before they decide for you.
Agree with some of this. I should never have made that ONE remark about my gkid having a very late bedtime. While my son was in the hospital, I have been asked to pick my gc up from school. She has fallen asleep in the car on the way home every time I have picked her up. She is Always sick. I really believe she is sleep deprived for those reasons and because she is very grouchy, craves sugar and whines a lot. She doesn't want to go to tumbling or skating on weekends when I've kept her....she has pretty low energy.
I have thought I have done a great job of refraining from saying what's on my mind. These comments have made me rethink that nonverbal messages may be getting to my dil..... And she maybe is insulted. I will give all these comments thought......
Maybe not......I made that offer regarding parenting classes when my son phoned me complaining about quarrels they were having over differences in techniques of disciplining their child and was asking my opinion. Its hard in a post to be clear about the all surrounding circumstances.
So, do you think a grandmother should just keep quiet when a 6 year old is consistently staying up until 3am on weekends and then is up at 9am eating chocolate pop tarts?.... I have not addressed this weekend issue.....just said other kids' school night bedtime is 8pm, not 10pm, and kids need lots of sleep.... What's a grandmother to do???
3am seems rather late for a 6 year old to stay up on a consistent basis. Not sure if this was a one time thing or a habitual thing. I would be surprised that a 6 year old could even stay awake until 3 am. My kids turn into zombies at a certain point and ask to go to bed. I try get my kids into bed around 9 pm ish on the weeknights but on occasion, they've been up until 10 pm if the day has been extremely hectic. All situational. Was this a special occasion?
Eating pop tarts? I had a laugh a bit because I buy them in bulk for the kids. While they usually get a nice breakfast with yogurt, cereal, fruit, or eggs to order most mornings, weekends and especially Saturday when I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn for school, church, the pop tarts are quite handy. My daughter grabs one and it tides her over until lazy mom can get up and think about making breakfast. Veggies for lunch? I have enough troubles getting my son to eat a good meal at school so many times, it is a sandwich, fruit, cookies (or a pudding) and milk. As long as he actually eats, I'm happy. He'll eat the veggies at home however when they are packed in his lunch, usually they come back in his lunch untouched. I'm sure if my stepmother saw my BJ's bulk package of pop tarts, she would have a heart attack.
I think that you've probably answered your own question of why there may be tension. Body language, disappoving looks, and the unspoken disapproval of parenting methods. People are pretty fast to pick up on nonverbal clues and they can be just as deadly as saying something. I can emphatise a bit though. My husband has always told me that I need to work on my poker face. When I was a bit younger, I would let my dislike or disdain for someone show. I'm a bit better at hiding it now although I still appear "stern" and very serious to others.
Anyway, unless the child is being horribly neglected or abused, I think it is important to be as nonjudgmental as possible. If you offer your time as a grandmother, be a friendly face at the door, be a sympathetic ear, it would go a long way. I don't always agree with the parenting styles of my friends either but I'm always careful to be supportive, nonjudgemental and just be a friendly face.
Agree with some of this. I should never have made that ONE remark about my gkid having a very late bedtime. While my son was in the hospital, I have been asked to pick my gc up from school. She has fallen asleep in the car on the way home every time I have picked her up. She is Always sick. I really believe she is sleep deprived for those reasons and because she is very grouchy, craves sugar and whines a lot. She doesn't want to go to tumbling or skating on weekends when I've kept her....she has pretty low energy.
I have thought I have done a great job of refraining from saying what's on my mind. These comments have made me rethink that nonverbal messages may be getting to my dil..... And she maybe is insulted. I will give all these comments thought......
Do you put her to bed at a reasonable hour and feed her healthy food when she's with you?
Don't let your hurt feelings override your common sense.
Your son is a grown man with a lot on his plate right now.
When someone has had FOUR surgeries and hospitalizations for infection, with more coming in the near future, they are in survival mode and must shut out a lot of the rest of the world.
Don't make the mistake of taking his distance too personally.
Be as supportive of him as you can be by mailing little cards, dropping off a meal or some groceries, letting him know he is in your prayers, and just letting them know you are available when they need you.
Do you put her to bed at a reasonable hour and feed her healthy food when she's with you?
Absolutely! Totally love this kid; and she loves me, too! But at my house there is a bedtime and at least "try" veggies if you want dessert. Just wish I could do the spoiling......but we have alot of laughs and great fun together!
Oh, and I also give her vitamins at my house (no, she doesn't get them at home....).
Don't let your hurt feelings override your common sense.
Your son is a grown man with a lot on his plate right now.
When someone has had FOUR surgeries and hospitalizations for infection, with more coming in the near future, they are in survival mode and must shut out a lot of the rest of the world.
Don't make the mistake of taking his distance too personally.
Be as supportive of him as you can be by mailing little cards, dropping off a meal or some groceries, letting him know he is in your prayers, and just letting them know you are available when they need you.
Yes, that is very true! He has another surgery on 11/8 and he is in pain often.
It is natural to just caccoon with his wife and child and try to get through it.
Just be emotionally supportive of him - THAT is what he really needs from you, not a snippy attitude that he isn't paying you enough attention
LOL! You just cancelled out all the empathetic comments you made with the last statement (dig???). Why is everyone so mean......don't get it. Love this son with every fiber of my being ......
LOL! You just cancelled out all the empathetic comments you made with the last statement (dig???). Why is everyone so mean......don't get it. Love this son with every fiber of my being ......
But, regardless thanks.
I'm sure you do love your son and your grandchild and DIL. Since you had a pushy MIL, I'm sure you know how things can come across or feel. My MIL had a very bad relationship with her MIL, and she thinks we have a good one. She seems really oblivious about how she makes me feel.
I understand that you question their parenting skills/decisions, but I say keep it in. Maybe gripe to the hubby or the cat. Good luck!
LOL! You just cancelled out all the empathetic comments you made with the last statement (dig???). Why is everyone so mean......don't get it. Love this son with every fiber of my being ......
But, regardless thanks.
Oh honey, it wasn't a dig - promise!!!
Sometimes it can be so hard to convey tone of voice with just the written word
I KNOW you love your son, and I know your feelings have been hurt. But back on one of your earlier posts you did take a snippy attitude (we all do when we are hurt). I just call'em like I see'em
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Maybe not......I made that offer regarding parenting classes when my son phoned me complaining about quarrels they were having over differences in techniques of disciplining their child and was asking my opinion. Its hard in a post to be clear about the all surrounding circumstances.
Love this son with every fiber of my being ......
