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Today while grocery shopping, my son asked for "red cereal" (Froot Loops). At first I told him no. He became insistent, and normally, I don't give in, but he had just finished up a doctor's appointment, and he had a blood draw, and was about to start melting down, so I relented. A woman in the same aisle gave me the, "are you for real?" look, and theatrically rolled her eyes when I relented. And this got me thinking about the "What teachers want to tell parents," and "What parents want to tell teachers," so I created this thread to tell people what I would like to say to other parents/people:
My ten things:
10. To the lady in this instance, I would have very much like to say, is it OK for a parent to change their mind, it's OK to realize that sometimes a battle isn't worth the casualties. I'm sure the same theatrical eye roll would have been accompanied by ******ing if I had stuck to my guns, and allowed my child to throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. It's a box of Froot Loops get over it.
9. To talk about things you don't know much about. I hear a lot of parents saying, "I would NEVER medicate my children, I don't believe in ADHD/autism/etc..." Sure, you may not NOW, but if you had a child that was suffering, would you say the same thing.
8. Use common sense. Lacking common sense-- taking your kid to a 5-star restaurant at 9:00 PM on a school night. Common sense-- going to Applebees at dinner hour. You all wonder why there are "brat bans", well because no one uses common sense when it comes to kids.
7. Kids are not the latest and greatest fashion accessory. If you want to accessorize, buy a Louis Vuitton. Just like a pet is a 20 year commitment, a child is a lifelong commitment.
6. Judge lest thee be judged. Don't judge my child's behavior when your kids are hanging off the rafters at a store. Today (same grocery store), my son and I are talking (due to his autism, he talks kind of loud and doesn't make sense, but he's fun and a cute kid). This woman is just giving the stink eye, all the while her two children are literally opening the freezer doors in the frozen section and then riding on them as they open and close.
5. Don't begrudge parents for making decisions that are best for them. If you want to work, good for you, but don't sit on a high horse and tell every one and their mother that you are better than a stay at home mom.
4. Read to your children, interact with them, talk to them. They are interesting people. I can't tell you how many times, I go to the doctor's office, the clinic, etc, and see parents sitting in a waiting room playing with their iPhones, while their kids are playing with their Nintendo Gameboys (or whatever new fangled things is out there). You just wasted 20 valuable minutes that you could have spent interacting with your children.
3. You want to stop bullying, don't be one! People are not perfect, children are not perfect. Your little precious should be exposed to other people, if you don't like it, homeschool.
2. I don't go around and tell people who spank not to, please don't come to me and tell me how to discipline my child.
1. Women, quit being judgmental cows. It's unbecoming.
I like your list, jojo! I am becoming a big fan of yours!
The one thing that pops to mind for me is this (building off the judge lest ye be judged):
Before commenting on/judging someone you don't even know (like in a store, etc), realize you are seeing only one tiny snippet of the parent-child interaction out of a lifetime of interactions. Any number of things can influence behavior in that moment: maybe the child is sick or sleep-deprived or having a bad day; maybe the parent is stressed about money or a family illness or is having a bad day; maybe any number of things. One never knows what someone else is going through in the rest of his/her life. It would be nice if we could have a little compassion rather than rushing to eye-rolling. And, if we can't manage that, when in doubt, MYOB!
10. To the lady in this instance, I would have very much like to say, is it OK for a parent to change their mind, it's OK to realize that sometimes a battle isn't worth the casualties. I'm sure the same theatrical eye roll would have been accompanied by ******ing if I had stuck to my guns, and allowed my child to throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. It's a box of Froot Loops get over it.
Allowed to throw a tantrum? Oh my, how the world has changed. When I was a child, I knew I darn well better NOT throw a tantrum and I darn well better behave myself in stores.
I just always wonder, in these situation, who is in charge here.
One thing that is important for me is to ask people if they need any assistance. My specialty is crying babies. I think sometimes moms of very young babies are very anxious, and when the crying jag starts, and people stare daggers at them, the moms anxiety level goes through the roof. Sometimes just engaging in idle chit-chat, or making a joke or two calms the mom down a bit, which in turn calms down baby. I have the touch for colicky babies, and di once spend an international flight boogying up and down the aisle with someone else's unhappy camper.
For moms of older kids, there's no excuse for us not to empathize a bit and offer encouragement and support rather than judgement.
Today while grocery shopping, my son asked for "red cereal" (Froot Loops). At first I told him no. He became insistent, and normally, I don't give in, but he had just finished up a doctor's appointment, and he had a blood draw, and was about to start melting down, so I relented. A woman in the same aisle gave me the, "are you for real?" look, and theatrically rolled her eyes when I relented. And this got me thinking about the "What teachers want to tell parents," and "What parents want to tell teachers," so I created this thread to tell people what I would like to say to other parents/people:
My ten things:
10. To the lady in this instance, I would have very much like to say, is it OK for a parent to change their mind, it's OK to realize that sometimes a battle isn't worth the casualties. I'm sure the same theatrical eye roll would have been accompanied by ******ing if I had stuck to my guns, and allowed my child to throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. It's a box of Froot Loops get over it.
I completely disagree with this one, though the witch had no business giving you rolly eyes. It really isn't about froot loops. Its about precedent. It is about next time and the time after that when they have gotten the message that Mom does not mean what she says or says what she means. When at all possible, say yes in the first place. But if you don't think about it, no one ever died for lack of froot loops.
I would throw myself on my sword for this one.
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9. To talk about things you don't know much about. I hear a lot of parents saying, "I would NEVER medicate my children, I don't believe in ADHD/autism/etc..." Sure, you may not NOW, but if you had a child that was suffering, would you say the same thing.
I agree with that 150%
Quote:
8. Use common sense. Lacking common sense-- taking your kid to a 5-star restaurant at 9:00 PM on a school night. Common sense-- going to Applebees at dinner hour. You all wonder why there are "brat bans", well because no one uses common sense when it comes to kids.
I don't know that your common sense is the same as mine. When we home schooled, there would be no reason not to bring the kids to a nice restaurant at 9:00 on a school night. They behaved fine and could sleep as late as they wanted the next day. I agree with spirit of this and say instead BE CONSIDERATE of the other people around you. KNOW YOUR KIDS. If your kid is too tired, don't inflict him or her on the rest of the dining public.
Quote:
7. Kids are not the latest and greatest fashion accessory. If you want to accessorize, buy a Louis Vuitton. Just like a pet is a 20 year commitment, a child is a lifelong commitment.
6. Judge lest thee be judged. Don't judge my child's behavior when your kids are hanging off the rafters at a store. Today (same grocery store), my son and I are talking (due to his autism, he talks kind of loud and doesn't make sense, but he's fun and a cute kid). This woman is just giving the stink eye, all the while her two children are literally opening the freezer doors in the frozen section and then riding on them as they open and close.
Same woman? She sounds like a witch!
Quote:
5. Don't begrudge parents for making decisions that are best for them. If you want to work, good for you, but don't sit on a high horse and tell every one and their mother that you are better than a stay at home mom.
4. Read to your children, interact with them, talk to them. They are interesting people. I can't tell you how many times, I go to the doctor's office, the clinic, etc, and see parents sitting in a waiting room playing with their iPhones, while their kids are playing with their Nintendo Gameboys (or whatever new fangled things is out there). You just wasted 20 valuable minutes that you could have spent interacting with your children.
Wait. Aren't you doing here what you admonish not to do above? Lest thee be judged, maybe you ought not judge? You have no idea how or when these families talk or interact with each other.
Allowed to throw a tantrum? Oh my, how the world has changed. When I was a child, I knew I darn well better NOT throw a tantrum and I darn well better behave myself in stores.
I just always wonder, in these situation, who is in charge here.
20yrsinBranson
My son has autism, tantrums are a part of my reality.
Am I reading it wrong that they recommend differing the approach only when the cause of the tantrum is sensory and that response to request is the same?
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Handling a request is fairly straightforward. To put it very simply, a request is usually something externally controlled by both reinforcing appropriate requests and not reinforcing inappropriate ones, such as a tantrum.
I don't know. Nor do I have ANY idea whether or not their advice is valuable.
[/SIZE][/SIZE]
Wait. Aren't you doing here what you admonish not to do above? Lest thee be judged, maybe you ought not judge? You have no idea how or when these families talk or interact with each other.
With number 10, I don't normally relent, but my son was pushed and pushed and pushed today, I feared that if I didn't relent on Froot Loops, that it would cause a major tantrum. Right now, I'm a single mother, my husband is gone TDY, I didn't have a choice about grocery shopping. It was buy a box of cereal, or drag a child kicking and screaming through a store. Sometimes a $5.00 box of cereal is worth a happy child... Different circumstances, I would have held to my guns. Anyway, he sat really well and had 3 vials of blood drawn, it's a reward for his good behavior.
Different woman had the two kids riding the freezer doors. Still a witch in my opinion, if you want to admonish my kids, look in the mirror...
I may be judging, I get judged a lot, but I have friends who will go out to eat with their children, and sit down and play on their phones while the kids play on their phones, and they are totally disconnected from their kids, then they complain that they get no time with their kids. Put down iPhone and step away from the computer... Speaking of which, I must go for today, my kids are home from early release, going to put up Halloween lights.
Am I reading it wrong that they recommend differing the approach only when the cause of the tantrum is sensory and that response to request is the same?
[SIZE=2][SIZE=2]Handling a request is fairly straightforward. To put it very simply, a request is usually something externally controlled by both reinforcing appropriate requests and not reinforcing inappropriate ones, such as a tantrum.
I don't know. Nor do I have ANY idea whether or not their advice is valuable.
[/SIZE][/SIZE]
It was retroactive reward for behaving while getting a blood draw. I had told him that he could have a treat after the blood draw, I didn't realize at the time he wanted cereal, I told him no. He started to fuss, and expressed that he wanted the cereal as his treat. I said, OK. Lady shot me the look. Often in difficult places I go into temper tantrum avoidance mode though, the grocery store is one of them. Usually, he doesn't fuss, today was not a good day to argue with him.
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