U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-23-2011, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Denver area
16,914 posts, read 11,694,045 times
Reputation: 18858
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I think clothes, piercings, hair, jewelry, etc should be fair game at any age.

Once my kids (when I have them) become aware of those choices and want to make them, they can.
Once they get are aware, ill start asking them what things they like at the stores. You know the shirt with the kittens vs the penguins or something, dark jeans or light jeans. They always have a choice.

With clothing as long as its age appropriate and doesn't show too much for their age its fine.
If they are 12 and want to dye their hair black with pink stripes and wear black eyeliner, it's just fashion, and fashion has no age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I spent YEARS battling my mom on this stuff.

From low rise jeans which weren't all that low rise to make up to hair dye and hair cuts to other clothing and piercings.

I wanted my own look and my own style and I was made to feel like I was a terrible person for doing so.

I wasn't allowed to break out of my shell and choose a style of my own and it put me a lot further behind the other kids. I always looked younger, was dressed younger.

I refuse to do that to my kids when I have them.
Because we all know, the best response to "overly strict" is to not set rules at all.... A 10 yr old who demands an eyebrow or lip piercing is not the same as a 13 yr old who wants an unusual haircut. Age matters, degree of permanence matters, religious beliefs matter....Aim for reasonable.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-23-2011, 09:30 AM
 
18,869 posts, read 14,529,905 times
Reputation: 24802
I noticed my daughter got another piercing in her ear the other day, at the top. They do stuff without always "asking". If your teen "asks" you are already ahead of the game, because they are either doing it for shock factor, or testing you. It is when they just do it, that is the tough ones...

My Mother is too funny, my daughter is wearing the normal "Old Navy" look, jeans, flip flops, tank, my Mom goes crazy, that she looks "trashy". A picture on the wall of my Mom in 1969, wearing almost the same outfit!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,436 posts, read 3,044,008 times
Reputation: 2388
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Because we all know, the best response to "overly strict" is to not set rules at all.... A 10 yr old who demands an eyebrow or lip piercing is not the same as a 13 yr old who wants an unusual haircut. Age matters, degree of permanence matters, religious beliefs matter....Aim for reasonable.
That's not what I'm saying. I never said no rules but at 10, I should have never been forced to get a short hair cut I didn't know how to manage it curled right up and I looked like a muppet. I wanted to keep my hair long, I was old enough to make that decision, and it wasn't so long that I couldn't take care of it myself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Denver area
16,914 posts, read 11,694,045 times
Reputation: 18858
What did you mean by "fair game at any age" then with regard to hair, clothing and piercings? I'm sorry you feel you were treated unfairly by your mother but your attitude smacks of "just wait untl I'm a mom, I'll let my kids wear whatever they want, stay up as late as they want and not make them eat vegetables" and sounds very immature. At some point you'll need to base your decisions on something other than your desire to stick it to your mother. Hopefully you can move past your resentment and grow up before you are faced with making parenting decisions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
2,349 posts, read 2,227,075 times
Reputation: 2956
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
What did you mean by "fair game at any age" then with regard to hair, clothing and piercings? I'm sorry you feel you were treated unfairly by your mother but your attitude smacks of "just wait untl I'm a mom, I'll let my kids wear whatever they want, stay up as late as they want and not make them eat vegetables" and sounds very immature. At some point you'll need to base your decisions on something other than your desire to stick it to your mother. Hopefully you can move past your resentment and grow up before you are faced with making parenting decisions.
To me, it sounds as if txt would like to treat her kids with respect, without arbitrarily set limits, and it doesn't have that much to do with her mom. I think it's important for parents to remember what it did feel like to be a kid, and not parent reactively based on that, but mindfully and respectfully, taking kids' feelings into serious consideration.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,436 posts, read 3,044,008 times
Reputation: 2388
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
What did you mean by "fair game at any age" then with regard to hair, clothing and piercings? I'm sorry you feel you were treated unfairly by your mother but your attitude smacks of "just wait untl I'm a mom, I'll let my kids wear whatever they want, stay up as late as they want and not make them eat vegetables" and sounds very immature. At some point you'll need to base your decisions on something other than your desire to stick it to your mother. Hopefully you can move past your resentment and grow up before you are faced with making parenting decisions.
Thats not it at all.
My post is meant to say, when I have kids, I won't dictate their every fashion choice.

If I have a daughter and she's 13 and wants a nose piercing, I'd say no.
Same scenario but she wants to experiment with different types of eye liner and shadows, then I see no issues.

Even at like 10 or 11 , if my daughter wanted highlights or to add a few strips of wacky color to her hair I don't see the big deal.

Most importantly I will never say no just because it's something I don't like.
I am never going to be one of those mom's who makes their sons cut their hair when it gets too shaggy, and if my daughter picks out a hair style that I think is fugly but she thinks is just lovely then so be it, who am I to say no as long as its appropriate but just not my style.

And while I HATE HATE HATE the gothic look, if ANY of my kids wanted to dress gothic or emo or skater or whatever then fine by me.

And my kids will know that my liberalness with make-up, technology, clothing, etc comes with a price, good grades and good behavior.

This isn'tso much sticking it to my mom as it is , I just don't think it's right to control another persons preferences as long as its within their age range.
I'd never tell my daughter she couldn't shave if she wanted to, if she's old enough to care about it being there, then she's old enough to be taught how to shave.
I'd never force my child to get a hair cut if they were happy with their hair.

If my kid wanted skinny jeans and vans instead of ripped jeans and flip flops then idgaf, their choice but they better be helping around the house, doing good in school and not acting like a brat and I will be more than happy to assist them in purchasing clothes they like.

Also, if my daughter or son is earning an allowance or has a job and feels like adding something to their wardrobe, changing their make-up look or even dyeing their hair, they don't need to ask me. Say my kid is 14 and has money saved up and goes and buys hair dye and dyes their hair 6 shades the opposite direction, I don't see the big deal.

I don't see the need to micromanage that stuff.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Denver area
16,914 posts, read 11,694,045 times
Reputation: 18858
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post

I don't see the need to micromanage that stuff.
Well, that indeed is more rational than what you originally posted. Glad to hear it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,386 posts, read 1,711,052 times
Reputation: 645
First off, your daughter sounds awesome I think it's great that you let her experiment. I went the goth route when I was 13 and learned a lot about myself (and others) from it. By 14 I was relatively back to "normal". My one concern would be the possibility of teasing from other kids. I was teased pretty mercilessly when I tried to be different (kids would even throw things at me when I walked home ). And this isn't an easy fix. Maybe show her some rocker hairstyles (a shag, or something) that would still be cool but not totally outlandish.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 09:07 PM
 
41,713 posts, read 46,254,468 times
Reputation: 27291
My niece wanted to pierce her belly button. My sister said no piercings. On her 18th birthday, she went straight out and got a tongue peircing. My sister ultimately REGRETTED not letting her get her belly button pierced a couple years earlier.

My son's godmother has four girls. She's a very conservative Catholic. I was surprised when she let her daughter get a tatoo at 16. Her reasoning was that she wanted to allow it while she had influence on what, where, how big. Because these things are typically phases, outright forbidding without figuring out a middle ground can result in what my neice did.

I have no idea how I managed to raise children who don't want piercings and tatoos. They never showed an interest. The wildest my son ever got was wanting blonde tips on his dark short hair when he was in 4th grade. Well, if I recall, he wanted orange but I brought up the idea of blonde tips and he liked the idea. It was a compromise that met his needs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2011, 09:18 PM
 
41,713 posts, read 46,254,468 times
Reputation: 27291
Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd View Post
Well, now, she wants to experiment with her hair. I told her that's fine but we're not running to the salon every week for something new. She said no, all she wants to do is shave the side of her head!!!
I asked her what she was talking about and she said she only wants to shave the one side of her head (not the back and not "half" of her head, just the side). I was taken aback and told her to seriously think about it and that maybe she can leave the other side long in case she decides she doesn't want the shaved look, she can flip her hair over.
My sister had a beautiful haircut similar to this back in the 80s. It was absolutely stunning. One side was super short, not outright shaved, but clippered very short like a guy cut and the other side was very full and wavy. I wish I could post a picture of it. I probably made fun of her but it really was cut on her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd View Post
I really do NOT want her to do this. I just can't picture her with the side of her head shaved and am thinking it will take about a year for her hair to fully grow back.

I don't want to "step on her toes" but I think I'm going to draw the line here and not let her do it.

Any opinions????
Google image hair cuts and find a middle ground. When they shave the side, not the top, the top can flip over the side and hide it while it's growing out.

Here are some pictures to get an idea of what it looks like:



And Anya on Project Runway is beautiful with both sides of her head shaved. Sometimes when her hair is down, you can't even tell it's shaved.

Last edited by picmod; 01-10-2014 at 11:48 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top