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Old 12-16-2011, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,518,857 times
Reputation: 19385

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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
I had no idea she was that far along. I thought she was still in the first trimester. Yeah that is very hard. I gave birth to my first daughter at 27 weeks and she lived for 3 weeks 2 days. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and to this day I cry. I was only 17 at the time so of course I wasnt ready but it was the hardest thing I ever went through. She's my angel in heaven.

I think Michelle really needs to stop. This is effecting more than just her. Her family will mourn the loss of this child and any future child she loses god forbid. SMH. Brought tears on thinking of the memory.
(((((HUGS))))) It's awful sometimes, isn't it? I gave birth at 26 weeks and she died 5-1/2 mo. later. It never really goes away. As callous as it might sound to some (and I'm so sorry for this), but I miscarried a few years before that, at 9 weeks and it was nothing, absolutely nothing, like the pain we went through with the loss of our daughter. If I had a choice between miscarrying my child early or having it born and then die, I would take the early miscarriage any day. Although my heart goes out to those who miscarry, there is always a part of my heart that thinks, "As sad as it is, I'm so glad it happened now instead of after the baby was born."

I think Michelle should take this as a sign. I really do. When I was pregnant with my last child, my Dr. told my husband, "That's enough dad! As her husband, you need to protect your wife. You have a wonderful family and you've been damn lucky. If everything goes well and mom here doesn't have to have a c-section, I want you to schedule yourself for a vasectomy as soon as this baby's born. Mom, if you have to have a c-section, I want you to consider having your tubes tied while you're opened up. Everyone runs out of luck, eventually. No more kids." My husband took it to heart. He realized that yes....we had enough and that he'd rather end our baby making days on a positive note. A month after our last son was born, he scheduled the procedure.

I think Jim Bob needs to take an authoritative stance. Where would that family be without Michelle? He needs to step up to the plate and do the right thing....protect his wife!!
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:28 AM
 
Location: here
24,289 posts, read 28,238,885 times
Reputation: 30389
(((((beachmel))))
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:38 AM
 
9,020 posts, read 6,604,446 times
Reputation: 10992
This is how I feel about having opinions regarding the Duggars, and why I think I'm upset by what they're doing:-

They knowingly and willingly put their entire family on TV, including the babies and little ones, who have absolutely no say in whether they want their privacy disregarded. For whatever reason, they did that, and I don't agree with it at all.

They are using a preemie baby as entertainment, when it comes right down to the honest truth, regardless of whether their motives are ministry or some higher purpose, or money. The end result is the same. They are exploiting their kids who have no say in the matter.

Who knows whether or not Josie is going to grow up hating the fact that her struggles as an infant were broadcast on TV and then discussed by the entire world, in either a positive or negative light?

That child deserves her right to privacy. And that goes for any parent who exploits their children on TV.

The child that died also doesn't deserve to be a spectacle, regardless of the way her parents choose to mourn her.

That's part of the reason why I'm creeped out by all of this. I think it's wrong to do this to children who have no say in the matter and deserve to remain anonymous until they reach the age of majority, and are able to enter into it willingly and with knowledge aforethought.
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Old 12-16-2011, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,288 posts, read 97,426,764 times
Reputation: 30745
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
(((((beachmel))))
Ditto!

*********************************************

I had a miscarriage at about 8 wks, and I agree with beachmel. Although I do think about it a lot, it would be far worse to have a child who is already with you die.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:28 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 28,841,987 times
Reputation: 32185
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
They knowingly and willingly put their entire family on TV, including the babies and little ones, who have absolutely no say in whether they want their privacy disregarded. For whatever reason, they did that, and I don't agree with it at all.

They are using a preemie baby as entertainment, when it comes right down to the honest truth, regardless of whether their motives are ministry or some higher purpose, or money. The end result is the same. They are exploiting their kids who have no say in the matter.

Who knows whether or not Josie is going to grow up hating the fact that her struggles as an infant were broadcast on TV and then discussed by the entire world, in either a positive or negative light?

That child deserves her right to privacy. And that goes for any parent who exploits their children on TV.

The child that died also doesn't deserve to be a spectacle, regardless of the way her parents choose to mourn her.

That's part of the reason why I'm creeped out by all of this. I think it's wrong to do this to children who have no say in the matter and deserve to remain anonymous until they reach the age of majority, and are able to enter into it willingly and with knowledge aforethought.

Well said. VERY well said.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:03 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,357,934 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
(((((HUGS))))) It's awful sometimes, isn't it? I gave birth at 26 weeks and she died 5-1/2 mo. later. It never really goes away. As callous as it might sound to some (and I'm so sorry for this), but I miscarried a few years before that, at 9 weeks and it was nothing, absolutely nothing, like the pain we went through with the loss of our daughter. If I had a choice between miscarrying my child early or having it born and then die, I would take the early miscarriage any day. Although my heart goes out to those who miscarry, there is always a part of my heart that thinks, "As sad as it is, I'm so glad it happened now instead of after the baby was born."

I think Michelle should take this as a sign. I really do. When I was pregnant with my last child, my Dr. told my husband, "That's enough dad! As her husband, you need to protect your wife. You have a wonderful family and you've been damn lucky. If everything goes well and mom here doesn't have to have a c-section, I want you to schedule yourself for a vasectomy as soon as this baby's born. Mom, if you have to have a c-section, I want you to consider having your tubes tied while you're opened up. Everyone runs out of luck, eventually. No more kids." My husband took it to heart. He realized that yes....we had enough and that he'd rather end our baby making days on a positive note. A month after our last son was born, he scheduled the procedure.

I think Jim Bob needs to take an authoritative stance. Where would that family be without Michelle? He needs to step up to the plate and do the right thing....protect his wife!!
So sorry for your loss.

Yeah I think the same thing. After I lost Serenity a friend of mine was like I know exactly how you feel I lost a baby at 7 weeks. It was so soon afterwards I told her exactly how I felt. Until you see you child hooked to machines and those are the only thing keeping them alive until the doctors tell you there is nothing more they can do and they arent going to make it until you hold your child as they take their last breath you will NEVER know how I feel. She said sorry but we arent really close anymore.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,518,857 times
Reputation: 19385
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
So sorry for your loss.

Yeah I think the same thing. After I lost Serenity a friend of mine was like I know exactly how you feel I lost a baby at 7 weeks. It was so soon afterwards I told her exactly how I felt. Until you see you child hooked to machines and those are the only thing keeping them alive until the doctors tell you there is nothing more they can do and they arent going to make it until you hold your child as they take their last breath you will NEVER know how I feel. She said sorry but we arent really close anymore.
Ohio, sometimes I just think people don't know what to say....they feel like they have to say SOMEthing. To a person who miscarried early, maybe they THINK you have something in common. Sadly, it's pretty hard to explain that it ISN'T the same thing. Until you've dealt with both situations, you don't really realize how different they are.

When I was in nursing school, we had a clinical day at the hospital where my daughter was born and died. One of our instructors led us to the NICU. She had no idea what I'd been through. I had to stop outside the doors. She came back to see what was going on, because I was leaning against the wall hyperventilating, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I hadn't said anything about it to her. She felt AWFUL...especially when I told her the story and let her know that I could NOT go in there. I'd already spent 5-1/2 months in that room, watching my daughter fight for her life and lose. No, losing a baby at 7 months can not even come close to what that does to your soul.
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Old 12-16-2011, 10:36 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,014,262 times
Reputation: 25946
I would agree. Not even close.

But, some people react differently to different experiences. And we can't negate the feelings of others, or compare them to our own experiences.

We can't quantify grief.

I know one thing, I find it difficult to have empathy when dog owners compare losing a dog to losing a child.

And I am deeply sorry for your loss.
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:27 AM
 
27,980 posts, read 19,268,123 times
Reputation: 16456
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I would agree. Not even close.

But, some people react differently to different experiences. And we can't negate the feelings of others, or compare them to our own experiences.

We can't quantify grief.

I know one thing, I find it difficult to have empathy when dog owners compare losing a dog to losing a child.

And I am deeply sorry for your loss.
^^^^^^^^This.
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Old 12-17-2011, 05:51 AM
 
9,020 posts, read 6,604,446 times
Reputation: 10992
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I would agree. Not even close.

But, some people react differently to different experiences. And we can't negate the feelings of others, or compare them to our own experiences.

We can't quantify grief.

I know one thing, I find it difficult to have empathy when dog owners compare losing a dog to losing a child.

And I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I agree, totally. But I don't see where anybody is trying to negate the Duggar's feelings, or even compare them to their own experiences. All people are doing are relating their own experiences, in context of having a discussion, which is not the same thing. I don't see that people are saying they shouldn't grieve.

I have tons of empathy for what happened to them. But having empathy for one thing does not negate one's being uncomfortable about something else.

They've let the public into the most personal details of their babies' lives, and this is just one more facet of that, IMO.
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