Child care or stay at home (daycare, out of control, teaching, infants)

[Stone28]

My wife and I are a few years away from making a major discission. Weather or not my wife should go to work when our children are in school.

Here's some backround info.... We are going to wait until the youngest is finished with kindergarten to make the descission. My wife is a teacher and I am in the construction industry. I make enough to pay all our bills with a little left over. But I would not have enough to pay for both childrens collage educations. I learned from our financial advisor that the anticipated collage costs for the years 2022 thru 2026 would be for public school $186,288.00 or private school $273,090.00 each child.

I would not like to have my children start off their careers with a big student loans. How do the familys with both parents working do it?. Do they put there children in before and after school care? Is a long day like that tough on the children?

All opinions and advise welcome.......

[mommabear2]

If you are concerned about the amount of time your kids will be in daycare... have you considered your wife working part-time? I will be going back to work after my youngest is in 1st grade - although, part-time.

[NJmominVA]

I am a full-time working mother with a 5 year old and a 2 year old, both boys. Putting your children in full-time childcare, whether it's outside the home or with a nanny, will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Younger children have more trouble adjusting, especially if they are accustomed to having a parent at home with them when they are home also.

I think that fact that your youngest will be over 5 years old will make it easier for him to adjust and understand. For me, finding good, reliable childcare where my children would be happy was the biggest obstacle. I moved them out of Kindercare after one month, because they were absolutely miserable. Ask any working parent that has had to drop off a crying child at 7:30 in the morning, it does tear your heart, and you're left wondering why you're doing this. But if you can find childcare you are happy with, truly satisfied with, then you have to learn to harden yourself, just a bit. I have more trouble with my 2 year old son in the morning than my 5 year old. Even with that, his teacher tells me he is fine the moment I leave.

My boys are in daycare about ten hours a day. Yes it is a lot. But my husband and I both know we're doing it for them. My husband brings home enough for us to live comfortably, but if we want to save, we need another income. And so, we both work. As for whether the day is tough for the kids, I'm sure there are some days that are longer than others, but again, if you know they have a healthy, stimulating, fun environment, then you have to believe that they'll be fine.

Hope this helps. Again, it's a difficult step and decision, one of the hardest I've had to make. My younger son started attending full-time daycare last year, when he was only 1 year old. As much as I wonder if I should have stayed home with him because he needed me to, I can't help but see how much he's grown this past year, how independent and assertive he is in his ways.

Best of luck!

[L.K.]

I am a mother of three kids.I stopped working after #3 was born.Just too much ! In my opinion,it is better to work and save as much as you can in their young years.As they get older they have more sports/activities to get them to.Also,I have seen older kids in my son's class not getting homework done etc.Two tired working parents and it is very hard to keep up with checking on your kids and keeping up with things.Everyone always told me you want to be home even more when your kids are older.I do believe that is true.

[karen_s]

I totally agree with L.K. I have 3 children - ages 13, 5, and 1. Luckily, I work at home. But I cannot imagine parenting them the way I want to while being an out of the home parent. The older they get, the more I am needed with activities and just life in general.

If you ask your children 40 yrs down the road which was more important - their mom/dad being home with them or having some student loans (if they even go to college - you just don't know), and I'd venture to say that the vas majority would be very thankful that their parents spent as much time with them as possible.

My mom gave up her full-time teaching career when I was born. I can tell you that I would not have had the opportunities to do many lessons, classes, and after-school activities had my mom been working. I am very grateful that she stayed home. I had to pay 100% for my own college and it taught me responsibility. I worked my way through and appreciate my education in a way that no child who has it completely paid-for can.

Just my 2 cents.

[FarNorthDallas]

The best time to work is when the kids are infants to before they start regular school. It's easier to juggle, they like playing with their friends at daycare, they usually have no other scheduling obligations.

Once they hit school age, esp 5th grade to when they start driving themselves around, age 16, it is much much harder to juggle working and kids. Schools do not make it easy for working parents at all. Daycares, do. They get it. Parents are at work and need to be at work. Schools, on the other hand, assume a parent is always available for conferences, programs, schedule pick up, cheerleading tryouts, football practice, all this stuff during the work day and if they aren't available they are bad parents. It's a tough thing to handle.

A good book to read is The Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittenden. It's about her transition from working to staying home and how difficult it was and what the consequences are, esp financially.

[christina0001]

I hate seeing little ones in school all day + before care and/or after care. That's a long day for an adult, much less a child. Of course, sometimes that's how it's got to be, and the children turn out fine. If at all possible, I think it's ideal if one parent only works part time, so the kids don't have to do before/after care. Another option is for both parents to arrange their work hours, for example dad works an earlier shift and is home by the time the kids come home; mom works a later shift so she is home in the AM to put the kids on the bus. Or perhaps one parents could work 2-3 days/week, so the kids aren't having to go to before/after care every single day.
Whatever you choose, best of luck.

[mbuszu]

Originally Posted by Stone28

My wife and I are a few years away from making a major discission. Weather or not my wife should go to work when our children are in school.
Here's some backround info.... We are going to wait until the youngest is finished with kindergarten to make the descission. My wife is a teacher and I am in the construction industry. I make enough to pay all our bills with a little left over. But I would not have enough to pay for both childrens collage educations. I learned from our financial advisor that the anticipated collage costs for the years 2022 thru 2026 would be for public school $186,288.00 or private school $273,090.00 each child.
I would not like to have my children start off their careers with a big student loans. How do the familys with both parents working do it?. Do they put there children in before and after school care? Is a long day like that tough on the children?
All opinions and advise welcome.......

Ideally I feel like your financial situation would work with your wife going to work part-time instead of full-time so that she could be home when your kids get home from school. This is a great thing - studies have shown (and both teachers and researchers agree) that it is right after school that parent involvement in ensuring that homework is done well, and involvement in other activities leading up to dinner that positively impact academic performance in children. You'll enjoy the extra income that your wife's income will provide, and while the kids are in school she will be mentally stimulated as well.

The meeting with a financial advisor resulted in some interesting thoughts. Although he/she was likely not wrong with today's projections, I think your unnecessarily worried. There will always be student loans and financial aid available for future students. Likewise, if the projected costs really do occur and no likewise increase of median household income happens for the US then there will be a major disconnect that will definitely be sorted out. There's simply no way that our populance and government will allow the continued unreasonable annual increase in higher education costs to spiral out of control. Especially considering that already the disconnect between income, inflationary costs, higher education, and job security has become apparent. I might be completely wrong, but I think the next 15 years will see major reform of our educational system (including higher ed).

Perhaps you should just bank/invest all the extra money you earn and continue to live as conservatively as possible. Focus not on saving for your children's education but instead upon your retirement. If in the future you need to divert funds from your retirement investments to your children's education then you will be able to. Fundamentally this generation of young parents need to think about their own future... we're all going to see massively longer lives and significantly changing careers throughout compared to previous generations. We may also see a collapse of the social security system, and we certainly won't have the pensions that previous generations also were able to rely upon.

[brokencrayola]

The fact that your wife is a teacher may work in your favor. If she teaches elementary she will have the same days off as your children, summers off, same snow days off etc. That way she will be home when they are for the most part.

[Moth]

I would not like to have my children start off their careers with a big student loans. How do the familys with both parents working do it?. Do they put there children in before and after school care? Is a long day like that tough on the children?

Couple of things to ponder:

If you already have children, you are already late in the game to start saving for their college education. Open up a 529 plan for them and start saving now. Put whatever you can in it. The longer it stays in there, the more time it has to grow. Even if its a pittance, at least you will have something to give them.

Look at their college costs as a joint venture. You help them, but they take on some of the burden as well. Its unrealistic for either parents or children to assume the entire cost.

But also, take care of yourself. You can save for their college now and they (and even you) can pay back loans a lot later. But this is the only time you have to save for your retirement. Once it arrives, there is no second chance. Think it about it.

Finally, get yourself a good financial planner. He or she can sort this all out for you.

Its all a fine balance and most of us are in the same boat. My first and only kid just arrived 3 weeks ago. As soon as his social security number arrives, the college plan will be opened.

Good luck.