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Old 12-02-2011, 02:41 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,737,691 times
Reputation: 31039

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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
I would also be peeved and feeling very used. I have carpooled - no money has ever been exchanged - but we took different days . . . and I have picked up other kids in an emergency situation - even picked them up from school and kept them at my home when mom was tied up or sick, etc.

Yes, it is a little late. But this is one time when it is better late than never.

Since it is not a matter of gas, I would not even go there with a discussion.

I would just simply call up the mom, tell her - "Just needed to let you know - starting Monday, I won't be picking little xx up any more. Wanted to give you some notice."

When she says . . . "Really? Are you not working?" or whatever . . . you don't owe her any explanations at all. All you need to say is "Just need to make some changes. Glad I could help out for these past years but gonna have to make a change in routine."

If she continues to ask . . . just say "Hope you guys have a great weekend - sorry - can't really talk right now" and end of that.

Anyone who has sat back and taken advantage of the situation - without ever offering to pitch in and help with arrangements, take care of your kids in the evenings, give you a gift card to say THANKS - let's face it . . . these are not your friends. You can stay friendly and pleasant with them without bending over backwards to be their chauffeur. Being a chauffeur is not a prerequisite to being a good neighbor. That goes two ways, also, lol. How great a neighbor have they been to YOU?
Others have agreed with this post, but I don't see any reason to give short notice and no explanation after doing this for 4 years w/o complaint.
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:45 PM
 
2,514 posts, read 5,164,871 times
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I like the other poster's suggestion to give her a notice stating effective (date), I will not longer be carpooling (name). You don't owe any explanation other than to say there's been a change of plans.
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Old 12-02-2011, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,054,517 times
Reputation: 39669
Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
That may have been a bit presumptuous on the OP's part. Lots of SAHPs are home by choice, not because they can't find a steady job. Maybe the woman has gone back to work because the family has had some recent financial setbacks and money is suddenly very tight.
Neither I or the OP ever insinuated the OP was home because she couldn't "find a steady job"

Since this is our OP's neighbor maybe she just knew enough to know that in this situation she was helping out a more financially strapped family
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Old 12-02-2011, 04:28 PM
 
4,502 posts, read 11,660,093 times
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I think I would have stopped this a long time ago unless she wanted to start chipping in for gas or something.

I used to know a woman. Our daughters were in school together (she has twins). Any time they had to be anywhere, I would get the inevitable call "can you pick up the girls?" (and she would call someone else to bring them home). Reason? She just didn't feel like being bothered. One time, there was a sleepover party at a girls house not 3 minutes from us. She called me "can you pick up the girls". Mind you, she was at least a 15 minute ride from me THEN I would have to drive back to drop them all at the party. I said to her "______ lives right around the corner from us". She said "ohhhhh.... because we're going over there later tonight to have drinks and I just don't want to have to drive twice". AUDACITY. Plain and simple. I couldn't freaking believe it!!! And this from a woman who worked MAYBE 2 nights a week --- while I was working 40+ hours per week. But she "just didn't have the time".

Needless to say, I slowly but surely ended that "friendship" and never looked back. My daughter has been in a different school for 3 years so there's no issues with getting together, etc. They've all gotten new friends.

Last edited by omigawd; 12-02-2011 at 05:50 PM..
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:02 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
That may have been a bit presumptuous on the OP's part. Lots of SAHPs are home by choice, not because they can't find a steady job. Maybe the woman has gone back to work because the family has had some recent financial setbacks and money is suddenly very tight.
But so what?

Why is it the neighbor's "duty" to chauffeur someone else's children just b/c she is "going that way?"

OP said both parents don't have to leave the house any earlier than she does, so they have the time to get their child to school the same as anyone else does.

What do financial worries have to do with it? The mother in question has to traverse near the school on her way to work now, same as the OP . . . why should she get a pass on getting up and getting her child to school? Doesn't cost her any more to drop off her child than it does the neighbor.

And finally, fair is fair. Since the neighbor is now working, why hasn't she suggested a schedule so she can participate in carpooling? I will tell you why - she is taking advantage of OP so she can have an extra cup of coffee and take her time about leaving her house, since she has a chauffeur delivering her child - FREE - to school every day.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:02 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,623,814 times
Reputation: 20198
I'm not liking the passive/agressive suggestions. I think you should just start fresh - not dwell on what was, because you let what was, be, what it was. That was then. This is now.

Go visit her when the kids are playing (NOT on the way to or from school)...and ask her to chip in on the gas for the ride to her kids' schools. Don't excuse it, don't apologize for it, don't feel like you owe her any explanations. Just ask, simply, and directly, and politely.

If she asks why, tell her it's because you're asking. Again - you don't owe her any explanations, and trying to explain, making up reasons, or telling the truth, is just going to complicate matters.

If she says no, then thank her for considering it, and let her know that you won't be able to bring her kids to school anymore, but they are absolutely positively welcome to continue playing with your own kid(s).

If she says yes, then everyone's happy.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:08 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Others have agreed with this post, but I don't see any reason to give short notice and no explanation after doing this for 4 years w/o complaint.
Well . . .here's the thing.

Everyone knows they have to get their kids to school. It is part of parenting. The parents in question have two vehicles. Both the parents have time to get their child to school just like OP does.

Why do they need "notice" of the discontinuance of a service they are not even paying for?

Why do you feel the OP needs to give any explanation at all?

Frankly, I am wondering why the neighbor wouldn't be feeling like SHE owes an explanation to OP as to why she has not even attempted to create an equitable situation with the carpooling for four years.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:11 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
Reputation: 22271
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
I'm not liking the passive/agressive suggestions. I think you should just start fresh - not dwell on what was, because you let what was, be, what it was. That was then. This is now.

Go visit her when the kids are playing (NOT on the way to or from school)...and ask her to chip in on the gas for the ride to her kids' schools. Don't excuse it, don't apologize for it, don't feel like you owe her any explanations. Just ask, simply, and directly, and politely.

If she asks why, tell her it's because you're asking. Again - you don't owe her any explanations, and trying to explain, making up reasons, or telling the truth, is just going to complicate matters.

If she says no, then thank her for considering it, and let her know that you won't be able to bring her kids to school anymore, but they are absolutely positively welcome to continue playing with your own kid(s).

If she says yes, then everyone's happy.
The OP stated the money is not the issue.

She doesn't want to take the child to school anymore. The neighbors have allowed their child to be "late" thus making OP late for work.

Why would she ask for gas money when that is NOT what she wants to happen? What she wants to happen is for the neighbors to take their child to school so she is free to take her own kids and go to work without the risk of someone else's child making her late.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Upper St. Clair
659 posts, read 954,285 times
Reputation: 354
I would gently but firmly suggest she sit your child for you on a Saturday so you could get some me time...you could put it like oh you wont mind, would you? She already knows you do alot for her and have in the past too...if she said no, which I doubt she would, she would look like a real loser...let her help you out perhaps in another way and get a a free sitting service a few times a month, she owes you and she knows it!
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:20 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
Reputation: 22271
Quote:
Originally Posted by WINDCHIMES View Post
I would gently but firmly suggest she sit your child for you on a Saturday so you could get some me time...you could put it like oh you wont mind, would you? She already knows you do alot for her and have in the past too...if she said no, which I doubt she would, she would look like a real loser...let her help you out perhaps in another way and get a a free sitting service a few times a month, she owes you and she knows it!
But Windchimes, OP is not looking for some trade on services.

She just wants to get to work on time, wh/ she can be assured of doing if she didn't have to stop and pick up someone else's child daily.

She just wants to find a graceful way of ending a situation wh/ was based totally on her goodwill to begin with.
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