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Old 12-18-2018, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,559 posts, read 50,602,595 times
Reputation: 67988

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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
When kids do the things you describe, they are exhibiting inexperience and cluelessness. They are humans trying to learn, not tv's to respond to adult remote control.
Agreed.
Plus if I'm not perfect, I'm not going to inflict violence on someone who might, god forbid, have a mood/distracted or forget something split second.
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Old 12-19-2018, 02:26 PM
 
225 posts, read 64,605 times
Reputation: 475
If a child back talks to say his mother , farther shouldn't say don't speak to your mother that way , he should say , don't speak to my wife that way , same with other parent , kids have to be reminded their parents were a couple before they came on the scene , letting them know there not as important as they think they are , at that moment .
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Old 12-19-2018, 03:17 PM
 
11,569 posts, read 9,426,875 times
Reputation: 14941
If you can tell what is really going on with the kid, you can moderate your reaction. If the kid is having some kind of problem, frustration, emotional... you can tell them straight up, hey that is not ok. Do you need a break until you can deal more pleasantly? If they are being a PITA for no good reason, pissy teenager stuff, humor works great. Ohhhh pooooor yooooou. Your mom is so MEAAAAN. I asked you tot take out the gaaaarbage.
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Old 12-19-2018, 03:45 PM
 
7,541 posts, read 2,966,628 times
Reputation: 20011
Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
I was horrifically abused in childhood by a sadistic Mother and I too flinch/startle if anyone approaches my head or face esp if I don't expect the touch and if someone comes up behind me I jump a mile and panic BUT all 4 of mine who were slapped never did/do. The context/backdrop to the slap is everything. Mine were slapped not in anger nor to cause pain (as was done to me) and only when well deserved.
Your post doesn't make sense.

Of course you popped them in the mouth to cause pain, and you were angry at the time.

You've basically done to your children what was done to you, but I guess to a lesser degree, so that is something.
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Old 12-19-2018, 06:15 PM
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
2,174 posts, read 819,914 times
Reputation: 4511
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Your post doesn't make sense.

Of course you popped them in the mouth to cause pain, and you were angry at the time.

You've basically done to your children what was done to you, but I guess to a lesser degree, so that is something.
No you are quite mistaken on all points; what was "done to me" was methodical abuse by a sadist, it was not punitive, nor done in anger though of course a sadist wished to cause pain, and fear as well. It was done to satisfy the perpetrator's deranged need to cause suffering.

Context is everything; my household was run on low emotion, anger was never displayed; I was strict overall and their rearing in all aspects was highly structured. Raised voices were never heard from adults nor children, ever. Self control was taught from toddlerhood. To this day none of the four (ages 19-36) will curse in front of me or raise voice. It was rather akin to a Victorian era rearing, for reference.

In a loosely run household where Mother flies off the handle and yells and then starts slapping kids willy nilly the effect of physical chastisement will be different, and likely less effective.

I used slapping to get an immediate result. It worked. The behavior immediately ceased. It also needed to be done infrequently; mine heeded direction well and were respectful and obedient in the main.

Last edited by VexedAndSolitary; 12-19-2018 at 06:25 PM..
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Old 01-03-2019, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,114 posts, read 7,345,270 times
Reputation: 2634
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes, that one works. I remember my dad saying something to that effect, he probably got it from his dad. My mom would usually curse us by saying she hoped someday we got children just like ourselves and so we did.

It's just funny how time flew - one minute you're the one sitting in the chair rolling your eyes, next thing you know you're the one having the eyes rolled at you.
This!!

I told my girls, may you each have a child exactly like yourself. Whether that’s good or bad remains to be seen. My oldest has a daughter. She can be difficult at times. Was much harder as a baby but so was her mom.

Last edited by Jerseyt719; 01-03-2019 at 10:37 PM.. Reason: Punctuation
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Old Today, 12:38 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,066 posts, read 6,482,734 times
Reputation: 3083
Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
No you are quite mistaken on all points; what was "done to me" was methodical abuse by a sadist, it was not punitive, nor done in anger though of course a sadist wished to cause pain, and fear as well. It was done to satisfy the perpetrator's deranged need to cause suffering.

Context is everything; my household was run on low emotion, anger was never displayed; I was strict overall and their rearing in all aspects was highly structured. Raised voices were never heard from adults nor children, ever. Self control was taught from toddlerhood. To this day none of the four (ages 19-36) will curse in front of me or raise voice. It was rather akin to a Victorian era rearing, for reference.

In a loosely run household where Mother flies off the handle and yells and then starts slapping kids willy nilly the effect of physical chastisement will be different, and likely less effective.

I used slapping to get an immediate result. It worked. The behavior immediately ceased. It also needed to be done infrequently; mine heeded direction well and were respectful and obedient in the main.
You sound like you’re talking about race horses not children.
Chestnut and Marmalade.
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Old Today, 10:38 AM
 
618 posts, read 213,707 times
Reputation: 2023
OP - It sounds like your son is testing you and testing his growing independence. When my daughter was mouthy - I told her I will only respond to her when she speaks to me in a respectful manner. I added an additional chore if she kept it up.

Tantrums - I ignored them so they never had any power. She got over the idea of using them pretty quickly.

My daughter was allowed a bad day here and there. She is human. If she was mouthy or rude, I gave her a platform to discuss it. Usually I said something like "Where is this coming from? Are you having a bad day?" It usually disarmed her, especially during the pre-teen years.

I never hit my child and rarely yelled at her. Even when she tested boundaries. It was not always easy, but I was clear in my expectations and boundaries. We did not have a ton of rules, but the ones we had we consistently followed through and they involved respect, safety, schoolwork, etc. I did not fight the small battles. I allowed her to have some say in her life in areas that did not really matter overall. She could decorate her own room, pick her own clothes, eat as much or as little as she wanted to, etc. Everyone (even children) needs to feel like they have some say in their life.
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