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Old 12-08-2011, 07:32 PM
 
1,062 posts, read 800,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
A lot of people who struggle to have and maintain relationships with other people tend to put up a front that it isn't just for them or that they are happy single and alone, etc. For a lot of these people they are just ignoring a void that relationships fill and when they run out of options or are frustrated at the prospects for relationships decide to turn towards having a child as a way to fill that void.

A child loves me unconditionally right? A child won't leave me right? A child won't hurt me right? I can find all the love and companionship I need in a child right?

Unfortunately people who go into it with that mindset are often incredibly disappointed because the relationship between a parent and child is very different than the relationship between two partners and people who fall into that mindset often place an undue burden on the children they have.

You also have the issue as to why you assume you would be a marvelous parent? You obviously had two bad ones, so you don't have much experience to go off of here. You may be great, you may not, no one really knows for sure until they are in the situation, but there is a better chance of one out of two being decent than one out of one.

Just something to think about.
Excuse you? My mother was AMAZING. It was my father who had issues.

So don't act like you know me and don't make such asinine assumptions.
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:37 PM
 
1,062 posts, read 800,668 times
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Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Good for you! I personally stand behind a choice like this. If you're financially and emotionally capable of supporting a child and want to have one, why wait? You could meet a good man, you may not. The point is, it doesn't matter. You should live your life for yourself (and your child, if you become a parent). It's not realistic to wait for a man anymore. It's sad to see that so many people don't realize that. It has nothing to do with feminism, it's about people, especially women, living their own lives and making their own decisions for the first time and knowing that waiting for someone else to live their life with is not only unhealthy but unrealistic in this day and age.

(I'm not bashing people who genuinely seek out a life partner, or people who have found that and live life in a healthy way with someone else; I'm just saying that building one's whole life around whether or not someone else comes into it is shortchanging yourself. It might've been reasonable in some way back when women could count on having a partner eventually but not so much anymore).

I suppose people are looking out for future children in the way that they'll have step-parents rather than real parents should someone like you meet someone after all, but I think if a single parent is smart about other people and strict about whom they allow into their child(ren)'s life, everything will be just fine.
Thanks! I'm glad to see that there are more open-minded people in this world.

And again, I would NOT try to have a baby UNTIL I have finished up college and have the salary and savings that I needed to handle a baby. Having children shouldn't be a privilege reserved for couples, and you all should be ashamed of yourselves for thinking that a woman should deny herself that right because she doesn't have a man. Go back to the 50s where you can from.
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:39 PM
 
1,062 posts, read 800,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22 View Post
Wasn't going to indulge in this but...

If I child wasn't born it wouldn't know it wasn't born. And I am not about to get into a debate about this.

Also, am I the only 25 year old here? I couldn't imagine having a kid! And to the person who is planning on making $95K after grad school. Lets back track. Did you do great in college and graduate top of your class? Did you apply to grad school? Did you graduate from grad school? Do you have your offer letter stating that you will be making $95k? Until you have the offer letter in your hand DON'T EVER assume that you will make any sort of money that you read about online or in a course catalog.
Nurse Practitioners where I work DO make 95k/yr starting and this is at a Magnet-status hospital where they hire from within first.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:43 PM
 
43,017 posts, read 50,723,815 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
Excuse you? My mother was AMAZING. It was my father who had issues.

So don't act like you know me and don't make such asinine assumptions.
You missed NJGOAT's point entirely. You were lucky you had two parents. Just imagine if you only had your father. Children deserve better odds.
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Old 12-08-2011, 10:03 PM
 
1,062 posts, read 800,668 times
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Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
You missed NJGOAT's point entirely. You were lucky you had two parents. Just imagine if you only had your father. Children deserve better odds.
Once again you assume. I had a dad until earlier this year at nineteen. He lived under the same roof I did but he was a poor excuse of a father. I would have been better without him completely.
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Old 12-08-2011, 10:19 PM
 
43,017 posts, read 50,723,815 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
Once again you assume. I had a dad until earlier this year at nineteen. He lived under the same roof I did but he was a poor excuse of a father. I would have been better without him completely.
You're still missing the point. What if you end up being a poor excuse for a mother? As a single parent, your child won't have anyone but you. At least you had your mother.
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:33 AM
 
1,063 posts, read 762,362 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
I also think that if you have to ask strangers on the internet, then you're not old enough.
Ughh I wasnt asking if it was ok to have a baby. I have one and I know that Im old enough. . I was asking what everyone thought the age to start a family was. Jeez someone wants to argue.
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:41 AM
 
1,063 posts, read 762,362 times
Reputation: 1037
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22 View Post
Wasn't going to indulge in this but...

If I child wasn't born it wouldn't know it wasn't born. And I am not about to get into a debate about this.

Also, am I the only 25 year old here? I couldn't imagine having a kid! And to the person who is planning on making $95K after grad school. Lets back track. Did you do great in college and graduate top of your class? Did you apply to grad school? Did you graduate from grad school? Do you have your offer letter stating that you will be making $95k? Until you have the offer letter in your hand DON'T EVER assume that you will make any sort of money that you read about online or in a course catalog.
Never did I say a child who was never created could think. SMH. Im saying a child who was born and was asked the question hey you were raised by a single mom do oyu wish you werent born? What do you think the response would be?
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:43 AM
 
1,063 posts, read 762,362 times
Reputation: 1037
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22 View Post
What? Really? When did this happen. I didn't realize that you settle down at 25 and then the golden years started at 26. I guess I get to retire in 6 months!

No one said it happened to YOU. YOU may still want to party and be a child but MOST people I know who are 25 and up are settled down and ready to start a family.
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:44 AM
 
1,063 posts, read 762,362 times
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Originally Posted by funisart View Post
A child is not a doll to play with, a child is not a solution to a mental problem or a marital problem, a child is not someone to always love only you. A child will grow to be a real person. They will go on to have their own life. (how will you feel with an empty nest and no partner??) A child is a continuation of our gene pool, and selfishly a gift to ourselves. When you are ready to parent, support, and let the child be whatever he will be, you are ready to have a child. But support includes not only money, but time, sacrifice, and love. Do you have it to give now?? When will you???
Im not sure if your directing this at me or not but I will assume you are.

I do have it to give now. All of the above.
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