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Old 12-11-2011, 01:59 PM
 
3 posts, read 4,137 times
Reputation: 18

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I lay awake at night worry about what the future holds for my daughter and grandchild. Perhaps I think too much (worry too much) but...

She's 20, unemployed, has newborn child and cannot find a job. She has little interest in going back to school now that her son is occupying most of her free time. Her boyfriend is in same situation, no job, no school. I fear she and her son will be living under my roof for a very long time to come.

When I was only a few years older than her, my wife and I found ourselves pregnant. Since I had been working and saving money since the age of 15, we bought a house and we got married. I've worked my tail off ever since to support the both of them.

I don't see the same opportunities for young couples in today's economy. Home-ownership may possibly never be an option for them, not for a long time, if ever.

When I think about how much money to takes each month to pay for a house, utilities, car payment, food, etc, etc I start to realize she may never be able to be fully independent, or will certainly live in relative poverty.

It used to be a young person could either go to college or if that wasn't an option, enter the workforce in some sort of skilled trade or something. Neither one is an option for her - College, no way to pay for it. Job, there aren't any.

I fear the 'American Dream' is well out of reach for a lot of young people today and in the future.
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Old 12-11-2011, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,654,296 times
Reputation: 1693
Getting a job and developing some self reliance tends to be not a goal that some kids today ascribe to.
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Old 12-11-2011, 02:35 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
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Having children prior to an education or an established career, even if the career is in the trades, isn't a good road to financial independence.

My son has a friend who moved 2000 miles across the country on her own. She works full time as a receptionist making minimum wage and shares a house for $350/month dividing the utilities 9 ways. It's possible to be independent if they are willing to give up the luxuries that come with living with their parents. For example, why would any young adult need a car payment when an older car in decent shape can be bought for just a few thousand dollars?

But having babies prior to being independent definitely holds children back from becoming independent adults. It's not changes in society that are causing your daughter to be disadvanged. It's the fact that she had a child before she matured financially (and emotionally it seems) that's holding her back.

I'm more disturbed that your daughter and her boyfriend aren't even working, not even at minimum wage jobs. If they were forced to provide for themselves, they would likely get off their rears and do something about it. I'm sure she will be living with you for eternity if you allow it.

And I don't believe for a moment that there's no way to pay for college. Your daughter is a single mother. There are many funding programs out there for singler parents, especially single mothers, to get an education. It makes me sick when people say there is no way to pay for college. It's so obvious they didn't bother looking into it. If they had, they'd know there are resources available. Sure they won't be albe to afford the most affluent, traditional college route, but there are options out there. You just have to do your research!
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Old 12-11-2011, 05:08 PM
 
738 posts, read 928,010 times
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The American dream is alive and well for many young people. I know many 20 and 30 somethings that have good jobs, beautiful homes, great cars and furniture, investments, and a college fund for their children.

Your daughter broke the rules. You finish school, the level depends on the person. You get a job. Any job until you find the one you want. You start a savngs plan. Then you are ready to think about a spouse. A person that has done the same things that you have done. A person close in income, assets, and priorities. You plan your first home, since the down payment is no problem with their financial plans long in order and you plan the wedding. Then and only then come children.

There are millions of people that have done this. You don't hear about them because their parents have no complaints. They don't occupy. They just live their life the way they planned it. If one loses a job, and it happens, often, savings and the other spouse make up the shortfall until their next employment.
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Old 12-11-2011, 05:20 PM
 
738 posts, read 928,010 times
Reputation: 991
I know one young couple that make every financial and purchasing decision based on if one of them has to drop down to a minimum wage job, that they can continue their present lifestyle. I am sure that they have enough to go for years if they both have to work minimum wage.
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Old 12-11-2011, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 80,751,010 times
Reputation: 17410
Quote:
Originally Posted by UofM View Post
I don't see the same opportunities for young couples in today's economy. Home-ownership may possibly never be an option for them, not for a long time, if ever.

So what? So they don't own a home. A lot of people think a person can achieve a higher lifetime net worth by not owning.

Now, what are their plans? What about the military?

There are lots of cheap places to live with jobs (North Dakota, Alaska, etc).
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Old 12-11-2011, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,702,140 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
So what? So they don't own a home. A lot of people think a person can achieve a higher lifetime net worth by not owning.

Now, what are their plans? What about the military?

There are lots of cheap places to live with jobs (North Dakota, Alaska, etc).
I know a lot of people who would have been better off if they'd never owned one. I own one but I couldn't refinance to save my soul right now because I owe more than 80% of its worth and I'm just SEVEN years from pay off!!!!! Every cent I've paid to live here for the last 16 years was rent....very HIGH rent. I would have been better off if I'd rented a house.
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Old 12-11-2011, 11:34 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I know a lot of people who would have been better off if they'd never owned one. I own one but I couldn't refinance to save my soul right now because I owe more than 80% of its worth and I'm just SEVEN years from pay off!!!!! Every cent I've paid to live here for the last 16 years was rent....very HIGH rent. I would have been better off if I'd rented a house.
Look on the bright side.

High rent or not, in 7 years you will own it. If you had rented, you would have never owned it.

Soon you will be mortgage free. If you had rented, you would have never been rent free.
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Old 12-12-2011, 06:24 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,707,564 times
Reputation: 38829
Quote:
Originally Posted by jodipper View Post
The American dream is alive and well for many young people. I know many 20 and 30 somethings that have good jobs, beautiful homes, great cars and furniture, investments, and a college fund for their children.

Your daughter broke the rules. You finish school, the level depends on the person. You get a job. Any job until you find the one you want. You start a savngs plan. Then you are ready to think about a spouse. A person that has done the same things that you have done. A person close in income, assets, and priorities. You plan your first home, since the down payment is no problem with their financial plans long in order and you plan the wedding. Then and only then come children.

There are millions of people that have done this. You don't hear about them because their parents have no complaints. They don't occupy. They just live their life the way they planned it. If one loses a job, and it happens, often, savings and the other spouse make up the shortfall until their next employment.
Nicely written!

I also know many 20- and 30-somethings who are doing very well with their "American dream". There are many opportunities available to them, and their futures are quite bright, even in today's economy. But NONE of them chose the path the OP's daughter did.
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Old 12-12-2011, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,215 posts, read 7,565,684 times
Reputation: 7717
I think the OP should sit down with his daughter. Explain that he cares about her and and her child, but he doesn't want her living under his roof indefinitely. Develop a gameplan where in 12 months, she is out living on her own, even if it's just in a small apartment. She can at least work part time, and "daddy" has to do his part to support the child.
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