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Old 12-18-2011, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Wallis and Futuna
11,294 posts, read 17,164,145 times
Reputation: 16629

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
I'll bet these people telling him to "man up and move out" haven't an inkling what the cost of housing is in the northeast or even in this day and age.
I'll bet you're wrong. I'm an adult living in Connecticut, one of the most expensive states in the country. I've lived on my own since I was 18, but wasn't independent, until I was 22 (I went to 4-year college in another state).

I didn't get married til I was 30, and for two years, I was the breadwinner between myself and my spouse. We bought a condo the year before we got married during one housing crunch when the prices were high. We sold our condo when the prices were low, and didn't even make back what we owed on it. But we had to get out of there, and we bought a house in a neighboring town. We've been here for 10 years - along the I-91 corridor north of New Haven, a typical Connecticut semi-rural suburb, where you can find dairy farms, gourmet coffee roasters, and Walmart in the same 10-mile radius.

I know exactly what the cost of living is here, how expensive it is to live in this area, because I'm living in it. The OP needs to man up and move out. He needs to check the newspapers and register with a rental agency, and find a place where he can share it with two or more people. He already has a girlfriend, so that reduces the need to find strangers for housemates.

There's no reason why he can't do it. He -can- do it. He's already posted stating he refuses to do it. He wants to buy a house without a mortgage. That means he's needing to save up at least $150,000 for a "modest" home, if he was living in my state. Modest would be 2 bedrooms 1 bath, detached garage, in Waterbury, on less than 1/4 acre of land.

Assuming he's working and paying his own expenses currently, as he claims he is, and assuming he's making a general average income for his age and lack of college (he's already stated he skipped that to avoid debt), that means he's probably making around $40,000/year, before taxes and expenses. Call it $10,000/year that he's saving. So in 15 years, he'll have that $150,000 to buy the house. Except - woops - that's 15 years later. I'm guessing that house isn't for sale anymore, and the new current average for a modest house has jumped to $200,000. So he'll have to stay with mommy another 5 years.

20 years staying at home, so he can afford his own house. I'm also guessing his girlfriend is married to someone else, and has adult children by now. And the OP is now 45, living with mommy and daddy.

Man up, move out. Or stop whining, get into the kitchen, and cook your parents their meal since you insist their cooking isn't edible.

 
Old 12-18-2011, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Murphy, NC
2,936 posts, read 5,213,389 times
Reputation: 1180
thanks Mod but it's expected. I was joking when I said "boomers should appoligize for economy" lol. I think many parents here feel guilty so they attack. My father does the same thing. There are times where he asks me if I ever feel bad about how the family broke up and he never spent time with me, I always said no so he won't feel bad. I don't want to leave him, but I can't stand my stepmother and she is part of him. Other times he says things like "you're like your mom" which my stepmom loves. She loves when we don't get along since she herself is always pissing him off. The difference is I'm a guy and can't be told what to do.
 
Old 12-18-2011, 10:23 PM
 
Location: here
17,030 posts, read 14,558,706 times
Reputation: 13929
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanu86 View Post
Her cooking or lack of is just an example of what kind of household she runs. 100 equity is good, but try getting that same loan now and hopefully u never want to sell that home without losing money.
You seem to think you know everything, and it painfully obvious that you don't. We're on our 3rd house now. We have near perfect credit, and would have no problem getting a loan. But this thread isn't about me.
 
Old 12-18-2011, 10:45 PM
 
9,239 posts, read 5,232,370 times
Reputation: 6810
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanu86 View Post
You're absolutely right, in fact I didn't even enroll in some pricy university because I didn't want to waste thier money. I ended up not even going to college because I don't want the debt.
Did you graduate from high school?
 
Old 12-18-2011, 11:01 PM
 
Location: Murphy, NC
2,936 posts, read 5,213,389 times
Reputation: 1180
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
I know exactly what the cost of living is here, how expensive it is to live in this area, because I'm living in it. The OP needs to man up and move out. He needs to check the newspapers and register with a rental agency, and find a place where he can share it with two or more people. He already has a girlfriend, so that reduces the need to find strangers for housemates.

There's no reason why he can't do it. He -can- do it. He's already posted stating he refuses to do it. He wants to buy a house without a mortgage. That means he's needing to save up at least $150,000 for a "modest" home, if he was living in my state. Modest would be 2 bedrooms 1 bath, detached garage, in Waterbury, on less than 1/4 acre of land.

Assuming he's working and paying his own expenses currently, as he claims he is, and assuming he's making a general average income for his age and lack of college (he's already stated he skipped that to avoid debt), that means he's probably making around $40,000/year, before taxes and expenses. Call it $10,000/year that he's saving. So in 15 years, he'll have that $150,000 to buy the house. Except - woops - that's 15 years later. I'm guessing that house isn't for sale anymore, and the new current average for a modest house has jumped to $200,000. So he'll have to stay with mommy another 5 years.
Man up, move out. Or stop whining, get into the kitchen, and cook your parents their meal since you insist their cooking isn't edible.
lol @ 150k, yea that will buy me a foreclosure in a sketchy town or rowhome, but I'm actually paying 30k, notice I said "far away". I'm not participating in the rat race or debt-trap.
 
Old 12-18-2011, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Murphy, NC
2,936 posts, read 5,213,389 times
Reputation: 1180
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaWoman View Post
Did you graduate from high school?
Yea but that doesn't matter. If I had to do over I would have dropped out at the legal age of 16 and pursued other things.
 
Old 12-18-2011, 11:07 PM
 
Location: Murphy, NC
2,936 posts, read 5,213,389 times
Reputation: 1180
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
You seem to think you know everything, and it painfully obvious that you don't. We're on our 3rd house now. We have near perfect credit, and would have no problem getting a loan. But this thread isn't about me.
Its obvious u probably move because your job and think equity makes u responsible. I have excellent credit, actually 10 or so points from the highest because all the leases and bills I paid in my name and I have no debt or student loans, which u have with your mortgage.
 
Old 12-18-2011, 11:26 PM
 
1,933 posts, read 1,865,035 times
Reputation: 1909
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanu86 View Post
thanks Mod but it's expected. I was joking when I said "boomers should appoligize for economy" lol. I think many parents here feel guilty so they attack. My father does the same thing. There are times where he asks me if I ever feel bad about how the family broke up and he never spent time with me, I always said no so he won't feel bad. I don't want to leave him, but I can't stand my stepmother and she is part of him. Other times he says things like "you're like your mom" which my stepmom loves. She loves when we don't get along since she herself is always pissing him off. The difference is I'm a guy and can't be told what to do.

Not buying it one bit. You were not joking and as a parent I do not feel guilty in the way I parent. You were making broad generalizations and scapegoating the world for your situation in which you put yourself in. Your parents do not hold some invisible leash and tie you in basement forcing you to live with them and eat their terrible cooking as you put it, you made that choice and as you said you failed because you went back to live with them more than four to five times. It is not their failure but your own. Your father only takes you in because he loves you as a father and you are his son, but I am sure if he knew how you truly felt about him and his wife you would be out of that house in a heartbeat.

As for your dreams and vision of owning a mortgage free house that costs about $30k, I understand that your mother lives in the Carolinas and that is most likely where you would be looking to buy. Keep dreaming because houses that cost about $30K are in the worst neighborhoods possible and foreclosures as well. You claim that you work full time but it is also to my understanding by previous posts that you were working under the table. Even if you bought a house in cash you have to file with the IRS and they would love to have a field day with you. Do your research.

BTW Julia what does this even have to do with parenting? Another thread moaning about how terrible parents are and when advice is given the parents and non parents are made out to be the bad guys when they do not agree with the OP? Not angry about it but just sayin cause when a particular poster does this we always recommend for them to use a blog feature.
 
Old 12-19-2011, 02:15 AM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,325,799 times
Reputation: 2449
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMrsX View Post
Not buying it one bit. You were not joking and as a parent I do not feel guilty in the way I parent. You were making broad generalizations and scapegoating the world for your situation in which you put yourself in. Your parents do not hold some invisible leash and tie you in basement forcing you to live with them and eat their terrible cooking as you put it, you made that choice and as you said you failed because you went back to live with them more than four to five times. It is not their failure but your own. Your father only takes you in because he loves you as a father and you are his son, but I am sure if he knew how you truly felt about him and his wife you would be out of that house in a heartbeat.

As for your dreams and vision of owning a mortgage free house that costs about $30k, I understand that your mother lives in the Carolinas and that is most likely where you would be looking to buy. Keep dreaming because houses that cost about $30K are in the worst neighborhoods possible and foreclosures as well. You claim that you work full time but it is also to my understanding by previous posts that you were working under the table. Even if you bought a house in cash you have to file with the IRS and they would love to have a field day with you. Do your research.

BTW Julia what does this even have to do with parenting? Another thread moaning about how terrible parents are and when advice is given the parents and non parents are made out to be the bad guys when they do not agree with the OP? Not angry about it but just sayin cause when a particular poster does this we always recommend for them to use a blog feature.
I'm not even this bad.....
The only reason im not out is because I can't save up enough money to do so or else I would be.
 
Old 12-19-2011, 02:39 AM
 
249 posts, read 385,613 times
Reputation: 490
I just packed everything I owned into the car which I paid for and drove away.

It's not moving out. Just go for a drive. Drive until you feel comfortable, talk to yourself in the car, find out what it feels like to be alone. Really alone. If you like yourself enough, you will be happy no matter where you are. Then you can find a place to stay, find a job and start your life on your terms. If you don't like to be alone with your thoughts, you can always turn the car around and go back.
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