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My kids are young adults now and their dad and I are divorcing but he has always been a "disneyland dad". As a workaholic he was gone a lot and left the child rearing to me. He never really bonded with the kids on any serious level so the only interaction he had with them while growing up was when I was there or when he was taking them out to do something special and fun. They all know it, we've talked about it, and he admitted to me that he didn't have much else going for him when it came to the kids. They literally have NOTHING to talk about when they are together so they have to be doing something fun. Every so often he takes our daughter to concerts and he takes our son to the movies, that is all they know.
Because he's buying the child's loyalty. He is turning himself into the 'fun' parent while the mom is stuck with doing all the things that are important, yet mundane and dull.
While it is embittering to the un-fun parent in the short term, in the long term the child knows which side her bread is buttered on.
I see it being a bigger issue for custodial parents whose children spend significantly more time with the noncustodial parent than 5 or 6 times a year.
If I only saw my child that rarely, I'd most certainly ensure that time was enjoyable. I don't even know how can a parent could be less fun 5 or 6 times a year.
OH I have always been infuriated when Mom says "Wait till your father gets home" You actually can see that in older movies and TV shows. And then the parents wonder why kids are afraid of Daddy.
Also I can't stand it when somebody says to a young boy when his father has died or left "Well now you are the Man of the House". That demeans the Mom to the children and puts a tremendously unfair burden on a young boy. This happened to my husband and it gorked him big time.
OP, what is the age of the child, how long have you and her father been apart, was this his pattern during the time he lived with y'all full time?
Your child will be fine, even if "disney daddy" continues this behavior. Let him buy this toy or that toy. Who cares? Your daughter is getting the benefit. He cannot see her very often and wants to cram as much goodies in the limited time he has with her.
Now the responsibility of the 'unfun parent' is to guide the child, to teach the child and to be there. The unfun parent gets the brunt of anger and frustration from the child. This is part of being a parent. At the end of the day, the child will grow up... material things may/may not be important to them, but the connection to 'home' is more important. The stability, the anchor in their life. I am speaking from experience here.... A child knows who to trust for the important stuff in life. A person's life is a tapestry of their experiences and relationships. Bits and pieces of their history make up the fabric and patterns.... the people with the biggest influences create the largest, most colorful patches in this tapestry.
As a momma, maybe you can help your child build a relationship with her father outside the 'gimmie' relationship. Help her write letters to him if he is away for military reasons.
She's 4 years old. He is usually away most of the year, it depends. When she was born he was gone the first 2 years but came every weekend the first year. The third year he was home maybe 4 months. This year he was home for 2 months.
OH I have always been infuriated when Mom says "Wait till your father gets home" You actually can see that in older movies and TV shows. And then the parents wonder why kids are afraid of Daddy.
My mother said that. It was the signal that we'd gone too far. She was perfectly capable of disciplining and handling us herself but, yes, there were special occasions when she called in air support.
We straightened up for the rest of the day and it wasn't because he was going to hit us or scream at us. It was because we knew he was going to get told how horrible we'd been and we were going to have to face him saying he was disappointed in us. Worst punishment ever. To have our dad disappointed in us for disobeying and doing something stupid. We wanted him to be proud of us.
None of us were afraid of him. He was our hero and we each wanted to emulate him. We were afraid that he'd give us the look that said, "You blew it." Lots of feet shuffling followed the "You blew it" look.
After getting the look we apologized to our mother and spent the rest of the evening trying to prove we weren't total little bozos.
We had a somewhat similar situation with my husbands ex. She was the custodial parent in this situation though. She wouldn't disipline the girls, would let them do what they wanted to do, then when it would get out of control she would call my husband and he would try to disipline them, but always she would let them out of their grounding or whatever. We got tired of being called at all hours of the day and night so, my husband finally told her that she created the problem, so she would have to deal with it.
Stay at home does all sorts of stuff with the kids during the day..Kids are bad..(misbehaving)..
Dad or Mom says wait till (Mom or Dad) gets home!!!
My mother didn't do it that way. My sisters and I haven't done it that way either. We never leave discipline to our husbands. Seems like a silly way to do things.
In my world, the parent who catches the kid also punishes the kid; and the parent who punishes the kid also enforces the punishment.
Never in my life did I hear "wait until your dad gets home" and I have never uttered those words myself either.
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