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Old 12-21-2011, 12:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Also I can't stand it when somebody says to a young boy when his father has died or left "Well now you are the Man of the House". That demeans the Mom to the children and puts a tremendously unfair burden on a young boy. This happened to my husband and it gorked him big time.
I agree. That's a terrible to say to a son.
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Old 12-21-2011, 12:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlelady10 View Post
She's 4 years old. He is usually away most of the year, it depends. When she was born he was gone the first 2 years but came every weekend the first year. The third year he was home maybe 4 months. This year he was home for 2 months.
If he's only in town two months a year, I really don't see the issue. Children are always going to pull the "mean" parent card to whichever parent is being "mean" at the moment.

I'm not sure what you expect of him. Do you want him to not have fun with her while he's only in town for two months? Do you not want him to take her on vacation? Would you rather they sat in a room and stared at the walls? Do you want him to paddle her even though she's probably well behaved with him because she hasn't seen him?

I think you're being overly sensitive. The situation is what it is. You married a man in the military. You got a divorce. This is the life that comes with that decision. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong.
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Old 12-21-2011, 01:10 PM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,136,383 times
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Just to add my two cents here, OP.

What would you rather have A) A father who rather not have any active participation in his child life? or B) A father who has participation but it is limited to a few times a year in which he rather have fun with her?

I know deep in my heart you would chose B and I think as she grows older there will be plenty of opportunities for the dad to extend his hand in discipline and teaching moments.

I say let it be.

Good luck!
Mrs. X
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:09 PM
 
Location: 89074
495 posts, read 587,179 times
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I agree with the last two PP's, let him indulge her in the short times they are together. If this were a weekly situation of shared custody I could see it being harmful. And remember, none of this can prevent you from being the 'fun Mom' whenever you can. Your child will treasure memories she shared with you all her life, those that have nothing to do with material goods. She will understand this as she grows up.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:22 PM
 
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I lived a lifetime of "Disneyland Dad", and I was mean, old, "reality Mom". Just be above it. I found it interesting that he could afford to take the kids on vacation to Florida, when I was scraping by, trying to make sure we had a place to live, food on the table, and shoes for school.

Great, "Dad just bought you a new digital camera"...and meanwhile, we were eating hotdogs and Ramen....whatever...

My kids are grown. I just did the best I could. In the end, it really does not matter. The important thing to me, is my kids had a great Dad. He was good to them, and made them happy. Why should I be a Grinch?!
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:26 PM
 
Location: California
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Quote:
Great, "Dad just bought you a new digital camera"...and meanwhile, we were eating hotdogs and Ramen....whatever...
I don't mind being "reality mom" in this case, I actively encourge our kids to get their WANTS met by their father. I save a lot of money that way and they get to have iphones. Gotta play the game!
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:36 PM
 
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True. It is reality. My daughter is spending the holiday with her Dad. He has a lot more money than me. I am okay with that. I can't compete on that level, and I don't even try. When she is with me, we don't go out to fancy dinners, or shopping for new clothes.

But, my daughter comes to see me anyway..and that is priceless.
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Old 12-24-2011, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,193,238 times
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Seems to me most of the time the problem is self-correcting or at least self-limiting. The more time the non-custodial parent spends with the child, the less apt they are to overindulge and tolerate dismal behavior. If they don't spend enough time with the child to care, that's unfortunate, but it's probably not enough time for the child's whole disciplinary structure at home to be undermined.
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Old 12-24-2011, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,381,125 times
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I don't see anything wrong with non-custodial parents spending "fun" time with the child that they don't get to see very often.

They should make the best of their time and if they just did mundane daily crap with the child then the visit would suck.

Plus they should make up for the time they don't spend with the child.
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Old 01-04-2012, 09:30 AM
 
12,429 posts, read 14,559,489 times
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Put the fact that he only sees her occasionally as a really good reason to tell your daughter to ask dad for a new coat, or new boots...or anything else you know she could use...it saves you money....and she still gets what she wants or needs.
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