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Old 12-19-2011, 05:20 PM
 
6,455 posts, read 9,512,203 times
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Not check up on an 11 year old unless you have suspicion? Heck, that's the same as inviting something to happen in the first place. Does an 11 year old have the maturity not to participate in all the crap these kids do on their phones? I don't think so.

If you give her the cell phone, you tell her you reserve the right to check it at any time. And do it. Even without suspicion.
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Old 12-19-2011, 08:11 PM
 
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I had a lot of privacy growing up. I always had a lock on my door and was free to roam about all day without supervision. I was also a very mature kid who never would have considered doing drugs or anything else risky.

When I was young, the internet was very new. My very first night online I stumbled across a roleplaying chat room Long story short, I got involved in a relationship that lasted YEARS. I was playing a game, and it took me a very long time to realize the other person involved was not and was taking things more seriously. There was genderplay and just a whole lot of weird stuff going on.

My parents were aware of this and at times even helped maintain the game. My mom now says she was afraid to 'stifle my explorations of sexuality'- yes, my mom really talks like that. Keep in mind I was maybe eleven when this started. I really wish someone had intervened. It wasn't really a privacy issue, since I talked about it freely. The problem was my parents weren't really listening.

I can't really give a lot of advice expect to ASK your kids about their activities and friends online. But don't react until you do some research...there's such a generation gap. Half of what younger people do online now I don't understand. If you don't know the language, you can't really listen for signs of danger.
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Old 12-19-2011, 08:15 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,346,221 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
Remember we young ones are much more adapt at the latest tech than mom and dad. Hell my parents can barely log into the Internet .
Guess what?

All the old Boomers are on Facebook cluing each other in on what you "young ones" are doing. Maybe your parents can barely log onto the internet but hahahaha.. We're not all as dumb as you may think.
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,383,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I disapprove of shirking the rules, but if you're going to, I advise you to carefully set up her profile and security settings. I keep an eye on my daughters' pages (they are 14 and 15), and occasionally I will visit their friends' pages to check something out. My older daughter calls this "creeping," and I tell her too bad. Kids today have Facebook friends they've never met, friends of friends of friends. Some of them might not be real people. I only speak to them when they speak to me, but I am the eye in the sky and my daughter knows it. I've told her to take pictures down and delete comments, and if she fights me about it, her Internet access is revoked.

It's amazing what some kids will allow non-friends (like me, a parent of one of their friends) to see. I can frequently see their walls, photos, and the walls and photos of their friends. There are settings that could shut me out, but I don't encounter those very often. I think it's because a lot of kids want their friends' friends to see them and befriend them, but on Facebook, "friend" is simply a designation. I am not my daughter's friend, I'm her mom. She is also "friends" with her grandmother, aunts, cousins, and other relatives. On Facebook, you can set up restricted groups, like "Real Friends," and give only them permission to see your photos and whatnot.
When I was younger I never added people I didn't know.
I always had privacy settings set to where ONLY my friends could see my profile, not even friends of friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Not check up on an 11 year old unless you have suspicion? Heck, that's the same as inviting something to happen in the first place. Does an 11 year old have the maturity not to participate in all the crap these kids do on their phones? I don't think so.

If you give her the cell phone, you tell her you reserve the right to check it at any time. And do it. Even without suspicion.
At 15 years old I wanted to take new pictures to put on my myspace. I didn't have my own camera but my mom had one and I had to ask her to use it and when I asked her if I could she of course wanted to know why and I told her I wanted to put up new pictures on myspace. She refused to let me take the camera myself and take my own pictures and upload them myself, she took the camera, took the pictures, uploaded them with me and then took the camera back upstairs, even though the computer was in a fairly open place.
This was at 15 and at 15, I had NO IDEA AT ALL why she was acting like that. It wasn't until I was about 18/19 years old before I realised that she did it due to her parental concern that I might take inappropriate pictures. Those thoughts did not even register in my head AT 15!!!! So yes, at 11 I would HOPE and EXPECT those thoughts weren't crossing their minds but then again I was 15 in 2004 and and that's getting close to being a decade ago.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lawmom View Post
This issue is not really related to Julia's thread, but when I saw hers I remembered I had wanted to raise this topic here.

How much privacy do you allow your kids and at what age?

My parents were hands-off. Of course I didn't have internet or facebook or texting. If they had read my diary I think they would have been pretty concerned about my mental well-being (I was depressed.) They also let me have far too much freedom in going out as a teen -- I was a good kid at home and school, and I think they made a mistake there, too.

DD is 11. She has a cell phone and knows that I reserve the right to check her texts and call log at random. We are going to register he for her own facebook page for Christmas (odd gift, but she's been dying for one), and we are setting the privacy options and both of us will be her "friends" so we can monitor the goings-on.

Is that going overboard? Am I veering too far from my own parents' lenient ways? I think with technology things are a little different...
I was allowed to shut and lock my door from a very early age, about 8 or so.
I had a diary that was well hidden and to my knowledge never read.
I got a cell phone at 15 and my mom only read my text messages twice.
When I got myspace at 15 my mom had to be my friend and wanted my log in as well, she's stayed my friend since then (I no longer use myspace, I use facebook now) but when I was 16 we moved and I decided to make a facebook because no one was using myspace anymore and she just never asked for my facebook login, so her having my login lasted about a year but she's always stayed my friend.
Uhm I had access to my OWN laptop at 16 and to my knowledge my mom never checked my stuff on it, I got my current laptop last midway senior year and she's never even touched it.
I was allowed to pretty much roam free as long as I had my phone with me.

I can't think of anything more that has to do with privacy but that was how it was when I was that age where I was starting to use all that stuff.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
Well chances are once she understands the type of people to add of not she won't have to worry. You can set your privacy to only accept people who are your friends to message you. But to be honest i have never had random people PM me.
I never really had that issue either.
I never encountered creepy people on myspace or facebook.

Yahoo pool is where all the weirdos hang out..
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:38 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,995,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
However your daughters can hide posts from you so it doesn't always work out well . The problem is if you go to far and pushy with it your kids will find ways to lock 'mom' out. Remember we young ones are much more adapt at the latest tech than mom and dad. Hell my parents can barely log into the Internet .
Heh. No.
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:49 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Heh. No.
Actually Julia, there is a feature that unless you can see that persons profile from THEIR view, then you can't see the status update.

You can type the status and select certain people that you don't want to see it.

My grandfather cannot see ANY of my status/posts. Mostly because I am not as close with him and I don't want him to see the language and content of some of my posts but you can do it to where its just post by post setting who you don't want to see it.

So unless you can log onto her profile and see it from her view then you can't see it.

Like I could type up a status, select the drop down menu, type in the persons name who I don't want to see the status, and then post and they can't see it, they aren't even notified that it was posted.

It IS there, it can happen.



Let me add you can set it to where its an ALL THE TIME thing, where they can't see anything you post and there is where it can happen as needed.
My grandfather is all the time, as needed is used rarely.
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,383,697 times
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So I just looked and you have different settings.
Public
Friends
Only Me
Custom
And even then you can only post to certain groups by selecting people in that group.
I have mine to custom where I have my status messages to where only my friends can see them and everything is hidden from my grandfather.

So technically Julia, if one of your kids WANTED to hide a post they could.
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Old 12-20-2011, 04:35 AM
 
Location: Maine
2,271 posts, read 5,542,155 times
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DD has a lock on her door and is allowed to use it freely -- she needs to be able to hide from her little brother, lol.

She has her own laptop. We put some parental controls on it. Anyway, she is really pretty good about asking if something is appropriate...
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:22 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,621,371 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Guess what?

All the old Boomers are on Facebook cluing each other in on what you "young ones" are doing. Maybe your parents can barely log onto the internet but hahahaha.. We're not all as dumb as you may think.

Oh believe me i know plenty of older people into tech. But in general they don't tend to catch on as fast as we do because it's much more a bigger part to our lives than it is to them. My one brother is 34 and he can't understand why i spend as much time online not making 'real' connections to people. Because in my mind my fb friends are as real as my friends i see everyday =D. I'm not saying monitoring is a bad thing but i think that in the case of julias one daughter it's a bit much. And given my own expierience with friends parents doing the same it often blows up in their face without them even knowing about it.
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:24 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,621,371 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
So I just looked and you have different settings.
Public
Friends
Only Me
Custom
And even then you can only post to certain groups by selecting people in that group.
I have mine to custom where I have my status messages to where only my friends can see them and everything is hidden from my grandfather.

So technically Julia, if one of your kids WANTED to hide a post they could.
^that .
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