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Old 12-19-2011, 04:45 PM
 
Location: earth?
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I know this is kind of a dumb question, but I am struggling to understand why any kid or teen would WANT to be "bad?"

This question occurred to me after I read the thread about how much privacy to give a kid . . .it appears from reading that thread that if you do not monitor your kids 24/7, they will grow into evil monsters . . .and my question is "WHY WOULD THAT BE THE CASE?"

WHY would a kid prefer to do things that are morally wrong or just dumb (one poster said a teen was basically a prostitute - that she was soliciting men on a FB page, while her mom thought she wan an angel) . . .

I was a teen . . .I know teens do dumb stuff and like to experiment with some stuff . . .that is not the question.

I guess I thought that most people had consciences . . .but according to what I am reading, if you do not spy on your kids, and basically whip them into shape, they will turn out to be horrible people.

I "disagree" with this premise - I had a lot of freedom as a kid and a teen and I pretty much monitored myself and never got into serious trouble . . .and turned out to be a decent person . . .my parents also did not teach me values, per se -but I seemed to have picked some up from church or something - I don't know, maybe somewhat innate, as I always have had a strong conscience.

I guess I believe that kids will become what they will become, almost regardless of parents . . . not really sure about that, though . . .

Last edited by imcurious; 12-19-2011 at 05:18 PM..
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
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Quote:
I guess I believe that kids will become what they will become, almost regardless of parents . . . not really sure about that, though . . .
Parents will influence every aspect of a child's life.

If a parent is never there / walks out, the child will be influenced by this action, both male and female children. Call it "daddy or mommy issues" or learning to not take responsibility for your actions, or whatever.

If a parent is present, but no involved, this will influence how the child perceives the role of the parent.

If a parent plays best friend instead of a parent, this will influence the child in many cases to push boundaries -- what can he/she really get away with before the hammer comes down on their behavior?

I strongly disagree that a child will be what a child will be regardless of the parent. In fact, studies have shown that father-less households have a higher rate of children turning to crime than households with fathers.

I don't believe that children will only behave if they are spied on, but I do believe it is the responsibility of the parents to be involved and in the know of what their child is up to.

Kids won't learn if they don't make mistakes, but how will they know they've made a mistake if no one brings it to their attention?
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:10 PM
 
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Never spied on my kids. Knock wood, they still seem to have developed a moral conscience by their teenage years. I'm not sure if we can take credit, but surely modeling acceptable behavior must filter down, eventually.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:22 PM
 
Location: earth?
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My premise is that even if you COULD become a prostitute, WHY would you want to? In the "Privacy thread" there seems to be the thinking that IF YOU DON'T WATCH them, they will turn into evil monsters.

I only have myself to go by, but my parents did not watch me - and I had a conscience. I was not taught any values, overtly . . .still turned out to be a moral person. I guess I COULD be in the gutter, but WHY would I want to do that?

I disagree that parents have such allmighty influence on the way kids turn out.

Last edited by imcurious; 12-19-2011 at 05:30 PM..
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:29 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
My premise is that even if you COULD become a prostitute, WHY would you want to?

Money...
gifts...
attention.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:31 PM
 
Location: earth?
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Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Money...
gifts...
attention.
Are you saying that it would seem desirable to become a prostitute if you had the chance? Is this something you would have done if your parents weren't breathing down your neck?
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:37 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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No, I was just answering your question as to WHY someone would.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:46 PM
 
Location: nc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I guess I believe that kids will become what they will become, almost regardless of parents . . . not really sure about that, though . . .
I didn't used to believe this, but after having two kids turn out so differently, I now believe this to be true.

My oldest is by a former relationship and my youngest I had with my husband. Oldest DS never really spent any time with his bio father. "Dad" never really wanted anything to do with him. So basically both the kids were raised by me and DH and have always been treated the same. DH never treated DS any differently just because his is his stepfather instead of bio father. But both kids are as opposite as they could possibly be.

It's the old question of nature vs. nurture. I believe it's nature all the way.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 5,947,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
My premise is that even if you COULD become a prostitute, WHY would you want to? In the "Privacy thread" there seems to be the thinking that IF YOU DON'T WATCH them, they will turn into evil monsters.

I only have myself to go by, but my parents did not watch me - and I had a conscience. I was not taught any values, overtly . . .still turned out to be a moral person. I guess I COULD be in the gutter, but WHY would I want to do that?

I disagree that parents have such allmighty influence on the way kids turn out.
The actions, or lack there of, of parents have influence. It may or may not be 100% in every single case, but it is an overwhelming majority. Disagree if you'd like, but it is what it is.

Now WHY would someone choose to live a life of poor decisions?

This goes back into the psychology behind child rearing. If a child is seeking out attention due to the lack of proper attention from one or both parents, that child may make decisions that will get them attention. It goes back to the simple concept that negative attention is still attention.

If a child grows up with no moral compass due to poor actions of a parent, or little to no guidance by a parent, then what society would consider as "bad" might just be "normal" in the eyes of a child because the child doesn't know differently. Or, if seeking out attention to some degree, the "bad" behavior gets more of a rise than good behavior, the adrenilan junkie in the child chooses the bad behavior.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
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Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
I didn't used to believe this, but after having two kids turn out so differently, I now believe this to be true.

My oldest is by a former relationship and my youngest I had with my husband. Oldest DS never really spent any time with his bio father. "Dad" never really wanted anything to do with him. So basically both the kids were raised by me and DH and have always been treated the same. DH never treated DS any differently just because his is his stepfather instead of bio father. But both kids are as opposite as they could possibly be.

It's the old question of nature vs. nurture. I believe it's nature all the way.
Psychologicall speaking, the differences in your kids could have been very well influenced by the relationship status of step parent vs biological parent. The child that grew up in a step parent home did grow up with understanding that his real father walked out. This could change every aspect of how he thought and developed mentally.

Yes, nature will run its course as we all grown and develop (it never stops, we are constantly evolving), but how we react psycologically depends on us as individuals. My sister and I had identical upbringings. We both suffered the same losses and struggles as young children, teenagers and young adults. We were both affected psychologically, but in completely different ways. The root issues for both of us still stem back to the same events, but how we evolved from those events is the difference.
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