U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 12-20-2011, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Vermont
5,439 posts, read 14,343,841 times
Reputation: 2609

Advertisements

trying to keep this as simple as possible but provide enough details...we have an 17 month old boy, very much a "mama's boy" and i am concerned that my wife isn't getting enough time away from him.

we are moving somewhere where we have no friends or family which makes the situation that much more difficult.

i work at from home 9 hours a day starting @ 11am and also need to incorporate getting out to exercise myself (this is usually alone, because I need it to be strenuous or I will go crazy). for some reason we can't seem to find a routine. I should be getting out first thing in the morning so I have time to help her out or relieve her later, but I feel obligated to help my wife with him and then feel guilty when i go out.

if I take him, i need to keep him awake,--usually if I take him hiking or in the stroller, he falls asleep and this messes up his nap schedule. So it really needs to be something more engaging.

Finally, mom also almost always wants to come with us so we all go out together, but he seems to be such a mama's boy that he whines and acts up for her when we are together, yet he is almost always well behaved when it's me(Dad) alone.

so we are at this point where nobody is getting out, nobody is getting any kind of rest or break from a very active and high energy baby.

back "home", a simple solution is I take the baby over to grandmothers, where he is happy to be entertained and stays awake,uses up a lot of energy. New environment is novel and stimulating so he doesn't fall asleep. Mom stays home and takes a shower and relaxes and when I come home he's ready for his nap.

In addition, my wife has friends there, so when friends come over, they will help out with the baby, that means guilt free time for me to go get my exercise that I need to be balanced and tolerate 9 hours of sitting in front of the computer.

sorry for the ramble, but does anyone have any ideas about how to create a more balanced life for the 3 of us?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-20-2011, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 428,330 times
Reputation: 506
I recall the early baby/toddler years being difficult to juggle time. By the way, Most kids whine more for Mom, he isn't necessarily a Mama's boy. Even now, with my kids at 11 & 13, scheduling a work out can be difficult unless I do it early in the morning, which I dislike! Something that helped us out was finding a mothers morning out program. Twice a week I would drop off the kids for three or four hours! It was great to have that time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-20-2011, 06:11 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,363 posts, read 50,609,566 times
Reputation: 60288
I agree that at only 17 months, calling him a Mama's boy is a bit much. Most toddlers that age of any sex are attached more to their mothers at that time than anyone else.

Take him to a park or some other outdoor venue where he can explore the world and run around. TALK TO HIM constantly--not silly baby talk, but in a normal voice and even about subjects he can't possibly understand. This will make him smarter in the long run. This is the time when his little brain is absorbing like a sponge far more than you know.

READ to him. This is probably the number one best thing a parent can possibly do for his or her child after providing food, water, shelter and clothing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-20-2011, 10:46 PM
 
Location: Northern California
970 posts, read 1,746,899 times
Reputation: 1390
If you want to give mom a break, can't you take him hiking or in the stroller when you want him to take a nap (since you said it makes him fall asleep)? That way she gets a break and you get the exercise you want.

Also at 17 months he is still little. It's normal for him to be attached to mom. He has plenty of time to become more independent in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-21-2011, 07:37 AM
 
2,495 posts, read 3,453,893 times
Reputation: 4838
I can relate to your situation OP..well sort of. My wife and I moved away from family to further our careers. We have a much younger child and both have full time jobs. The wife's job is flexible enough that she is home 2 out of the 5 working days.

Here are my suggestions...
  • Get out early...I go to the gym at 5am in the morning 3 days a week and the wife does the same on alternate days. You'd both be very relieved or energized after that...
  • Addressing Mama's boy issue - I've taken over bathing my child. That is our special bonding time, outside of going on strolls, jogging, feeding etc. Its really solidified our bond.
  • Adjusting to my child's routine was the most difficult but we sat down together (the wife and I) and came up with a system that works for us.
  • Weekends - i spend the greater part of the morning taking care of the home...exterior/interior care...and then i take charge of my child..giving the wife time to do her thing. Sundays is usually my relaxation time...but i grab my kid and we watch football together. Mom uses the opportunity to do grocery shopping etc and at times we join her..if the little one is up to it.
  • Our new friends in the area complain that we've gone MIA since the birth of our child, but quite frankly we couldnt care less. Being a parent is the biggest responsibility ever...
Hope you can take something away from my post. Organization + communication is key. You both have to draw out a plan that best suits the both of you and execute that plan.

All the best
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-21-2011, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,902,322 times
Reputation: 1896
Welcome to my life and it is still that way after 9 years! LOL!
The difference is that my children are in school now and there is obviously SOME time to do things alone.

I have never lived near my family since becoming a parent. We live the closest we have ever lived to them now and we are still 7 hours away... My husband travels all of the time and did so when our girls were babies too. I would say that at least if there is an emergency, your wife has you at home ? For the most part.
Maybe when you move she can find a mom's group and meet other people who are in the same situation. just having a support network will be helpful to her and to you.

Unfortunately, my husband & I have never hired a babysitter,so we get out once every 6 mos. or so when we visit family or they come here. That is our own doing because we hesitate, we know we need to put more effort into that.
So, I would say that if you are both feeling you need that time away, find a babysitter and again, if she finds a mom's group, that will be helpful in finding a sitter as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-21-2011, 08:04 AM
 
2,495 posts, read 3,453,893 times
Reputation: 4838
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Welcome to my life and it is still that way after 9 years! LOL!
The difference is that my children are in school now and there is obviously SOME time to do things alone.

I have never lived near my family since becoming a parent. We live the closest we have ever lived to them now and we are still 7 hours away... My husband travels all of the time and did so when our girls were babies too. I would say that at least if there is an emergency, your wife has you at home ? For the most part.
Maybe when you move she can find a mom's group and meet other people who are in the same situation. just having a support network will be helpful to her and to you.

Unfortunately, my husband & I have never hired a babysitter,so we get out once every 6 mos. or so when we visit family or they come here. That is our own doing because we hesitate, we know we need to put more effort into that.
So, I would say that if you are both feeling you need that time away, find a babysitter and again, if she finds a mom's group, that will be helpful in finding a sitter as well.
Thats just crazy. How do you guys remain sane? Our child goes to daycare when we are both working but we still find time to get out on the weekends or holidays. You guys should consider getting a sitter every now and then...6 months? wow!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top