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Old 12-25-2011, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,508 posts, read 3,244,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AsianRice View Post
That's not my philosophy. Perhaps yours but not mine. I'm not going to punish them every time they do something wrong. I am going to spank them when necessary.
But why pain?
Why the more serious the infraction then you get pain as a consequence?
Why would you inflict pain on anyone?
It hurts.... a lot. Stings like hell. Why would you do that to a person?

Why not teach them WHY it's wrong and then give a more realistic punishment like grounding or taking something away. You don't get spanked once you hit about 10 or so and you sure aren't spanked for committing crimes so why even do it at all?

I don't get the reasoning behind why pain is a good punishment tool.
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Old 12-25-2011, 02:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
Texas Mother Given 5 Years Probation for Spanking Her Daughter | Parents News Now, by Holly Lebowitz Rossi


Wow. I may have to change my thoughts on spanking. I think this is way overboard what are your thoughts?
I'm not a fan of spanking as I simply don't understand what it teaches kids except that getting physical when one doesn't get their way is acceptable. I can say I was both spanked and hit and I don't go around doing that to people who make me mad.

From what I always understood, the law always seemed to teeter around drawing the line at leaving physical marks on kids, and it sounds like the mother did. But what were the circumstances behind it? Had she just spanked the kid recently and the grandmother saw it? Or had the marks been there awhile? If the latter was the case, then maybe the grandmother needs to learn how to butt out and not only let her own daughter take care of her kids herself but discipline them herself as well.

It's amazing to me how many people are willing to say "do this, don't do that" about raising kids. Was the judge going to go over there and handle the woman's kids herself if the woman couldn't??? If she's incapable of parenting then send the kids someplace where they can get adequate parenting. Otherwise butt out!
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Old 12-27-2011, 09:39 AM
 
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From the article, several things weren't clear. Was there a history with the woman and domestic disturbances? Was the grandmother concerned about other things and used that as a reason to bring the child to the hospital? Also, 2 seems rather young and if the mom is leaving red marks, they may indicate an out of control mom. Dunno--seems to be lots of what ifs there.

As to spanking, I'm not a fan of it but I've spanked on occasion. My parents spanked on occasion and I'm not some terrible sociopath. I remember as a teen mouthing off to my mother in an extremely disrespectful manner in the car. Things had been building up for a bit and I was really getting on her nerves. The poor woman was recovering from a mascetomy and had some other stressful things going on in her life. My mom was never a smacker but I remember her reaching across the seat and smacking me across the face. The shock of it was worse than the pain and did I ever get the message. Still remember it to this day and I think it hurt my mom more than it hurt me. I remember knocking off the behavior ASAP and watching my frickin' mouth.

Sorry but timeouts, taking away things, and other modern parenting techniques sometimes just don't work. I know that most kids get sassy with their parents or have that attitude--all part of hormones. What I do think though is perhaps 20-30 years ago, kids wouldn't get away with some of the stuff I see nowdays with kids lipping off. Last week, my 11 year old was lipping off with some really disrespectful things to me. I'm not much of a spanker but after things escalating with me telling her nicely to be respectful, etc and things continuing to spiral downhill with her, I walked over to her desk and firmly grasped her arm, applied pressure, looked at her in the eye and tapped her cheek (not even a hard smack). That quickly stopped the whole situation. When she started getting ready to lip off again, I just walked over to her chair, knelt down and said in a low voice, "You don't want to start this again." She didn't.

Call me a bully and that is fine. It sure stopped the behavior and while I was doing it, I told her, "I don't like spanking, hitting or anything physical." I think that was the first time in 2 years she got a physical punishment. At times, things escalate so far out of control that all the talking, timeouts, taking away things simply don't work. A bit of physical input whether a smack, grasping their arm, etc works wonders.
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Old 12-27-2011, 09:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
As to spanking, I'm not a fan of it but I've spanked on occasion. My parents spanked on occasion and I'm not some terrible sociopath.
Cuz THAT is what we are going for, raising our kids to not be terrible sociopaths.

Quote:
Sorry but timeouts, taking away things, and other modern parenting techniques sometimes just don't work. I know that most kids get sassy with their parents or have that attitude--all part of hormones. What I do think though is perhaps 20-30 years ago, kids wouldn't get away with some of the stuff I see nowdays with kids lipping off. Last week, my 11 year old was lipping off with some really disrespectful things to me. I'm not much of a spanker but after things escalating with me telling her nicely to be respectful, etc and things continuing to spiral downhill with her, I walked over to her desk and firmly grasped her arm, applied pressure, looked at her in the eye and tapped her cheek (not even a hard smack). That quickly stopped the whole situation. When she started getting ready to lip off again, I just walked over to her chair, knelt down and said in a low voice, "You don't want to start this again." She didn't.
I wonder if your daughter doesn't respect you BECAUSE you are a bully to her.
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Old 12-27-2011, 11:29 AM
 
7,508 posts, read 2,109,996 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
But why pain?
Why the more serious the infraction then you get pain as a consequence?
Why would you inflict pain on anyone?
It hurts.... a lot. Stings like hell. Why would you do that to a person?

Why not teach them WHY it's wrong and then give a more realistic punishment like grounding or taking something away. You don't get spanked once you hit about 10 or so and you sure aren't spanked for committing crimes so why even do it at all?

I don't get the reasoning behind why pain is a good punishment tool.
Pain? It comes with consequences. My culture runs deep in me, so I am influence by their philosophy. Of course, I do not abuse them so I understand that part. If they disrespect or disobey their elders, the result is punishment.
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Old 12-27-2011, 11:46 AM
 
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Quote:
I wonder if your daughter doesn't respect you BECAUSE you are a bully to her.

This is really over-the-top. Suggesting this woman is a bully to her daughter based on the facts she related is beyond ridiculous. I suppose there are some people out there who believe we ought to be able to discipline every child 100% of the time without raising our voices, without touching the child, and without ever causing any conflict.

I think there is plenty to be said for trying to discipline your child without ever raising a hand to them. I'm all in favor of educating parents in that direction. However, at the end of the day anyone who refuses to concede these methods work for every child lives in a dream world. Its not been true in the past. Its not true now. It won't be true in the future.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
This is really over-the-top. Suggesting this woman is a bully
SHE used that word. It seems a valid point that one might not engender respect that way.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:11 PM
 
1,330 posts, read 753,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
SHE used that word. It seems a valid point that one might not engender respect that way.
Actually I fending off the inevitable attack I saw coming from overly emotional people like yourself who don't condone good old fashioned discipline in any form and are quick to call others names when you don't agree with them. And glad you took my bait, it always livens up the boards, especially when we get into spanking debates. You brought a smile to my face. Keep them personal attacks coming, I love it!! ((gets out popcorn))

Come on hun, you don't know me, you don't know my daughter. We just got back from a wonderful shopping spree, nice mother and daugther lunch. She talks about everything with me. To make ignorant blanket statements like you did makes you look just........ignorant.

Each parent has the right to parent how they see fit. Some spank, others never do. Some like me spank once in a blue moon. If the child is loved, has a secure loving home environment, who gives you the right to choose?
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:14 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,947,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
Actually I fending off the inevitable attack I saw coming from overly emotional people like yourself who don't condone good old fashioned discipline in any form and are quick to call others names when you don't agree with them.
I thought it was safe to use the word as a short hand because you used it yourself. I did not mean to attack you.

If you read my other posts, you will know that I take discipline very, very seriously. So any form is pure nonsense.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:23 PM
 
1,330 posts, read 753,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I thought it was safe to use the word as a short hand because you used it yourself. I did not mean to attack you.

If you read my other posts, you will know that I take discipline very, very seriously. So any form is pure nonsense.
Good for you. I on the other hand see spanking as a last resort punishment to rarely be used. Different parenting styles for different people.

Obviously hun, you and I have very different views about many topics. You were making some very judgmental posts on nursing homes in another thread and I made the mistake of responding to you. This is another issue where I think that we will never see eye to eye. Call me a bad parent---them are fighting words dear. Don't go there.
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