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Old 12-22-2011, 08:16 PM
 
4,267 posts, read 5,157,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by califdad View Post
I have been reading through some posts and found some possible explanation / answers, but I thought I should still post this.

My sister-in-law has a 22 month old daughter. She is pretty active. A few times a day she gets into this mode where she starts demanding things like chocolates, ice cream or just to go out, all at one time. Sometimes she wakes up at night at odd-times and demands for these things and/or milk. Most of the time she sleeps well at night. She also watches a lot of TV and even when there is a song playing on the TV, she demands playing another song on the cellphone, simultaneously. Her mom tried scolding, spanking and ignoring. Ignoring seems to have helped a bit, but temporarily.

Based on some posts that I read so far, I think we need to find other ways to discipline her and have patience. Does anyone have any inputs on how we can discipline her?
The first thing that I would do is make sure that she is getting enough rest and enough to eat. In addition to meals, put a tray of healthy snacks out so she can eat throughout the day. Many young children will get so engrossed in play that it just doesn't occur to them to stop and eat. She could be craving sweets because her body knows that they are a source for quick energy. Make sure she gets a bedtime snack with protein. She may be waking because she's hungry. If she does wake up and ask for food, give her a glass of milk or a quick snack and put her back to sleep. I don't think it's that uncommon for her to still get hungry in the middle of the night at that age.

Check out the book, "Your Two Year Old" from the library and read up on development. Knowing what is normal and knowing what is going on developmentally can be extremely helpful in understanding how to deal with behavior. I would not punish her for any of the things you mentioned. Be patient. Model appropriate behavior. Turn off the TV and play with her.
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Old 12-22-2011, 10:13 PM
 
4,502 posts, read 11,695,180 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
Has anyone ever told her "no". No explanation, no compromise, just plain "no"?

LOL!! Great response!!! Many parents these days seem so afraid to say "no" to their children. It's always "compromise" or "after we do this, you can do that". Nonsense. Children need to hear NO sometimes and they need to understand that 1. they're not always going to get their way and 2. it's not "cute" or "precocious" to be downright rude to adults (or other people) and making "demands".

I remember my daughter tried some nonsense like this when she was about 3. She decided she wanted something at a store. I told her no. She threw herself on the floor and started a tantrum. What did I do? I grabbed her by the ankle and just dragged her up the aisle we were in and continued on with what I was doing. She got up, brushed herself off, apologized, was extremely embarassed, and never EVER did that again.

Last edited by omigawd; 12-22-2011 at 10:31 PM..
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Old 12-22-2011, 10:31 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,569,915 times
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I have a feeling this child has heard "No" a lot. And it just escalated everything. No is not always the best way to deal with a 2 year old, who is hungry, or bored, or wanting attention.

I once worked with a child who had been so neglected, he was not potty trained, could barely talk, and ate food like a dog. The Mom did not know how to deal with him, so she just let him watch tv all the time. He was five when I started working with him.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:10 PM
 
15,339 posts, read 16,930,433 times
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With young children, the best discipline is proactive positive parenting. Diverting them to acceptable things works much better than simply trying to stop a behavior. Substitute the good things for the bad things. It really works.

1. Model what you want your child to do. This is the most important teaching tool you have. Do as I say is just not as effective as do as I do.
2. State your rules in positive rather than negative ways. Please walk is more effective than stop running. (At this age, kids do not hear the directive in the same way that adults do).
3. Assume goodness. Find out the reason for behaviors. They are there to meet particular needs. If your child is jumping on the bed, perhaps he needs time to jump on a trampoline. If you don't have one, you can set up another place to jump - old couch pillows are good for this, for example.
4. Get attention - you may need to get down to her level or to touch her on the arm.
5. Give choices between acceptable behaviors. Keep it simple at this age - two or three choices is enough, but giving choices teaches children how to make good choices. So, *do you want to have juice or milk, works well.
6. Give him warnings of transitions. Remember that adults don't like to stop in the middle of things, why should kids like it any better. You can say things like *when you are finished with the puzzle, it will be time to go* or *when you finish 20 swings on the swing, we will be going home.*
7. Use time outs to get emotions under control, not as punishment. When you are calm, you can come out and join us again.
8. Explain. Don't be long winded, but give simple explanations of why you want her to do things.
9. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't give a lot of warnings. Give ONE and then act.
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Old 12-23-2011, 12:44 AM
 
834 posts, read 2,205,940 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by califdad View Post
I have been reading through some posts and found some possible explanation / answers, but I thought I should still post this.

My sister-in-law has a 22 month old daughter. She is pretty active. A few times a day she gets into this mode where she starts demanding things like chocolates, ice cream or just to go out, all at one time. Sometimes she wakes up at night at odd-times and demands for these things and/or milk. Most of the time she sleeps well at night. She also watches a lot of TV and even when there is a song playing on the TV, she demands playing another song on the cellphone, simultaneously. Her mom tried scolding, spanking and ignoring. Ignoring seems to have helped a bit, but temporarily.

Based on some posts that I read so far, I think we need to find other ways to discipline her and have patience. Does anyone have any inputs on how we can discipline her?
Kids need structure. You cannot give them everything they ask for. Sometimes they don't know how to ask and you need to figure out if perhaps asking for all this food really means she needs water, or perhaps she needs to go to sleep.

In my house treats like ice cream and chocolates are not every day foods for my kid....they are saved for great behavior, good manners or for special ocassions/vacations. TV also falls under that category...I don't recall my daughter watching too much TV before turning 2. If there is no other choice in reducing TV time, try to encourage sitting with the child and talking about what is happening in the shows. Pay attention to her attention needs and request that she's more verbal using good manners when asking for things. In my house I would ask my child to ask me again nicely (to use the "magic word" of please). Often times they want attention from parents or caretakers.
Try to adjust her schedules to have play time - actively, some TV, some games/play or books indoors. If some of these changes are not accepted by your niece, encourage your SIL to have a timeout spot - ideally away from everybody else, where there are no toys or doors around. Use if/then statements to talk about what you would like done and her reward/consequences.
Like any other person, kids may resist to changes in routine but it's important that parents, and other care takers are consistent.
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,316 posts, read 4,836,217 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Just using this as a jumping off point because it inspired me:

One of my favorite responses was: Sweetly saying, "You sound sooooooo tired."

Ohhhhhhh, they quickly regained composure because they didn't want to take a nap!
Ohhh, I will be using this one in the future!
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:46 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,102,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by califdad View Post
I have been reading through some posts and found some possible explanation / answers, but I thought I should still post this.

My sister-in-law has a 22 month old daughter. She is pretty active. A few times a day she gets into this mode where she starts demanding things like chocolates, ice cream or just to go out, all at one time. Sometimes she wakes up at night at odd-times and demands for these things and/or milk. Most of the time she sleeps well at night. She also watches a lot of TV and even when there is a song playing on the TV, she demands playing another song on the cellphone, simultaneously. Her mom tried scolding, spanking and ignoring. Ignoring seems to have helped a bit, but temporarily.

Based on some posts that I read so far, I think we need to find other ways to discipline her and have patience. Does anyone have any inputs on how we can discipline her?
This is your sister-in-law's child, correct? Your niece? Has her mother asked you for advice about how to discipline her daughter? You say, "I think we need to find other ways to discipline her and have patience"--who is "we"? If your sister-in-law doesn't want to hear or follow your advice, nothing will change, and there's nothing you can do about that.
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Old 12-23-2011, 08:11 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,269,666 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by califdad View Post
I have been reading through some posts and found some possible explanation / answers, but I thought I should still post this.

My sister-in-law has a 22 month old daughter. She is pretty active. A few times a day she gets into this mode where she starts demanding things like chocolates, ice cream or just to go out, all at one time. Sometimes she wakes up at night at odd-times and demands for these things and/or milk. Most of the time she sleeps well at night. She also watches a lot of TV and even when there is a song playing on the TV, she demands playing another song on the cellphone, simultaneously. Her mom tried scolding, spanking and ignoring. Ignoring seems to have helped a bit, but temporarily.

Based on some posts that I read so far, I think we need to find other ways to discipline her and have patience. Does anyone have any inputs on how we can discipline her?
Discipline is not a word that is the equivalent to punish. Discipline means teach. What do you want to teach?

Demanding things is easy. No. When she pitches a fit, you calmly tell her that it looks like she needs to calm down. She can be in her room until she calms down.

For bed time, return her to her bed, rinse, repeat ad nauseum until she gets the message that she is expected to stay there. Or if a closed half door is possible, so much the better.

Discipline is a three part issue:

- Understanding what it is I want to teach.

- Setting effective limits.

- Developing problem solving skills and eliminating barriers to cooperation.

http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Lif...4649315&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits...4649377&sr=1-2

Amazon.com: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (9780380811960): Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish: Books

It sounds like the 2yo is confused due to inconsistent limit setting with a hefty dose of barriers to cooperation thrown in. She might find the last two books the most helpful. They are both very easy reads.
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:20 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,296,520 times
Reputation: 30265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
Ohhh, I will be using this one in the future!
Just be aware that it only works if done consistently. You have to put them down for a nap if you say that. It's only after they have experienced that for a while that they start making the connection that their behavior is what causes them to have to take that nap. THEN they start calming down when they hear "You sound soooooo tired." It takes time to establish the ground work for this, but it works!
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:26 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,269,666 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I have a feeling this child has heard "No" a lot. And it just escalated everything. No is not always the best way to deal with a 2 year old, who is hungry, or bored, or wanting attention.
This is a good point. See chapter on cereal in

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-...4653957&sr=8-1
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