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Old 12-29-2011, 02:03 PM
 
Location: here
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For the most part, I'm not interested in getting parenting advice from a non-parent. There have been a couple of exceptions in this forum, but over all, no thanks.
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Old 12-29-2011, 02:20 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,377,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
For the most part, I'm not interested in getting parenting advice from a non-parent. There have been a couple of exceptions in this forum, but over all, no thanks.
I go by the quality of advice and its bearing to the topic at hand. I've read some posts from non-parents here that offer wonderful, smart advice and I'm impressed by the poster and make a point to read their responses. And I've read posts that are nothing more than details of a poster's personal life that add nothing to the discussion at hand IMHO.

I am very interested in the former and not at all interested in the latter. (Thankfully I know how to scroll past the posts I don't want to read. I'd like to thank the inventor of the little arrow thingy.)

Also not too crazy about the "I will never" posts from non-parents. Probably because I said "I will never" before I had children. If I could go back in time I'd kick myself in the bum for being such a dummkopf.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 12-29-2011 at 02:36 PM..
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Old 12-29-2011, 02:45 PM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,819,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
If I see someone whose kids are doing well, I tend to listen to that parent MORE. I wonder when parenting became a competition sport.
Sometimes you just need to hear the voice of experience - someone who has been there, done that and knows first hand what you're dealing with. It's nice to have a little commiseration from your fellow troops in the trenches.

At the same time, people who don't have kids might have a simpler, more clear cut (and non-competitive) perspective on your parenting problems. You find yourself wondering "Now, why didn't I think of that?"
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Old 12-29-2011, 02:46 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,246,618 times
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[quote=springfieldva;22314564]Sometimes you just need to hear the voice of experience - someone who has been there, done that and knows first hand what you're dealing with. It's nice to have a little commiseration from your fellow troops in the trenches.
/quote]

Commiseration and advice are two completely different things.
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:14 PM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,951,795 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
Sometimes you just need to hear the voice of experience - someone who has been there, done that and knows first hand what you're dealing with. It's nice to have a little commiseration from your fellow troops in the trenches.

At the same time, people who don't have kids might have a simpler, more clear cut (and non-competitive) perspective on your parenting problems. You find yourself wondering "Now, why didn't I think of that?"
Not to mention - some of yous might want to put on some steel toes here - that parents often fail or refuse to research things the further along they go. People who are about to become parents are more likely to read on the most recent updates to effective parenting than people who have been parents for a year, who are more likely to do so than those who have been parents for three years, etc. As your confidence grows, so does your complacency.

To be fair, though, being busy has a lot to do with it too. Easier to assume you know what you're doing, or go with the first solution you can think of, than to look up what those arrogant little "professionals" say
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Maine at last
399 posts, read 720,771 times
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Non-parents tend to be pretty liberal. Afterall they haven't been in the trenches with the kid(s) 24/7. If they were it may perhaps change their entire outlook. I never took advice from anyone because I knew by instinct I was doing a pretty good job of it myself. Sometimes I would listen to my parents but again-very liberal as they were now grandparents. Any aunt, cousin, friend, etc.. who ever tried to give me advice on my 3 kids were obviously not experiencing all that goes along with having a child.
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,229,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Not to mention - some of yous might want to put on some steel toes here - that parents often fail or refuse to research things the further along they go. People who are about to become parents are more likely to read on the most recent updates to effective parenting than people who have been parents for a year, who are more likely to do so than those who have been parents for three years, etc. As your confidence grows, so does your complacency.

To be fair, though, being busy has a lot to do with it too. Easier to assume you know what you're doing, or go with the first solution you can think of, than to look up what those arrogant little "professionals" say
Wow. While this may be true of some people, I think you're using a REALLY broad brush here. Some of the more experienced parents here do pipe up with criticisms of blindly following research, IMO, because they also have real-world experience that first time parents of a one-year old do not. They've seen the recommendations from research flip-flop over time. Blindly ignoring or blindly following research probably isn't the most thoughtful approach to parenting, IMO, again. (disclaimer: clinical psych researcher's opinion). That's why it's useful to have a variety of opinions.

To be fair, though, the OP wasn't offering advice as a soon-to-parent who has been researching, but as a non-parent who does not seem to have researched, from what I've read thus far.
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Old 12-29-2011, 04:31 PM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,951,795 times
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Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
Wow. While this may be true of some people, I think you're using a REALLY broad brush here. Some of the more experienced parents here do pipe up with criticisms of blindly following research, IMO, because they also have real-world experience that first time parents of a one-year old do not. Blindly ignoring or blindly following research probably isn't the most thoughtful approach to parenting, IMO, again. (disclaimer: clinical psych researcher's opinion). That's why it's useful to have a variety of opinions.

To be fair, though, the OP wasn't offering advice as a soon-to-parent who has been researching, but as a non-parent who does not seem to have researched, from what I've read thus far.
Well that's why I use the phrase "more likely". There are exceptions everywhere. But if you told me that just as many older parents (not referring to age, of course) stay apprised of the newest information in parenting as newer parents, I couldn't force myself to believe you.
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Old 12-29-2011, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,229,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Well that's why I use the phrase "more likely". There are exceptions everywhere. But if you told me that just as many older parents (not referring to age, of course) stay apprised of the newest information in parenting as newer parents, I couldn't force myself to believe you.
I think either assumption would be just that: an assumption. And you know what they say about those...
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Old 12-29-2011, 05:18 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,782,510 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Well that's why I use the phrase "more likely". There are exceptions everywhere. But if you told me that just as many older parents (not referring to age, of course) stay apprised of the newest information in parenting as newer parents, I couldn't force myself to believe you.
So, you're talking newer vs older parents, not parents vs non-parents.
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