U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-01-2012, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Dallas
93 posts, read 94,291 times
Reputation: 106

Advertisements

Thank you all. And thank you for those links, Hopes - one group is pretty close to me It has been a rough week, hopefully it will turn around.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-01-2012, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,179 posts, read 9,113,598 times
Reputation: 9523
Oh, I know your feelings; I have shared them. I kicked an abusive husband out after 5 years and raised 2 kids without anyone to help - at first. My brother came to 'help' but all he wanted was a free ride; so I had no one again. Then a good friend stepped up and moved in to help while he was going to school. I had good day care and horrendous day care. The kids got sick and I had to stay home from work. My ex started stalking us and threatening us so I had to move and hide. It was an up and down battle; good times, then suddenly the bottom would fall out again and I would panic.

You are enough. You can do this.

It is hard but you just need to sit down, take deep breaths, and seize on whatever joys you can. Things will get better! They will! You will have more trials and troubles - but you'll get through those too. That little face smiling up at you - you are her world, and that's an awesome responsibility, and scary. But you will get through - and she will help you, just like my boys did.

Happy New Year. Focus on the blessings... Yeah, I know that sounds trite (it did to me!) but it is true...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 07:30 PM
 
144 posts, read 244,044 times
Reputation: 162
you are a brave one, to be a single mom, move away from family, and try to go to grad school. man!!!

Id suggest putting off grad school till your child is in school all day. This will give you time to get things together and time to pay down some of the student loans you already have.

Secondly, you need support. get to know friends and neighbors.

Lastly, If deadbeat father doesnt want to be a part of the babies life, I suggest some sort of action to get him to pay child support so that at least you have some financial support.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Dallas
93 posts, read 94,291 times
Reputation: 106
Wow, granny, I can't imagine having the fear of an abusive, controlling ex. I'm contemplating child support, but I am so afraid of my ex trying to use my daughter as a pon. Shortly after she was born he said he wants 50/50 custody or to sign his rights away. Since he got a new girlfriend (who has a kid), he has been pretending to be father of the year. When I brought my daughter to the ER with a fever he ignored my calls and texts. I'd rather struggle than force my daughter to spend every summer and every other holiday with him when she's older :/

Last edited by JustJulia; 01-04-2012 at 05:26 AM.. Reason: removed name
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2012, 04:21 PM
 
2,495 posts, read 3,448,372 times
Reputation: 4838
Excellent responses to the OP. Speechless.... Hang in there dimps and please hid the advice of the sage posters. Some have spoken from experience and the other words of encouragement are genuine. This too will pass. All the best!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2012, 05:10 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,233 posts, read 15,024,326 times
Reputation: 20847
Quote:
Originally Posted by dimps88 View Post
Wow, granny, I can't imagine having the fear of an abusive, controlling ex. I'm contemplating child support, but I am so afraid of my ex trying to use my daughter as a pon. Shortly after she was born he said he wants 50/50 custody or to sign his rights away. Since he got a new girlfriend (who has a kid), he has been pretending to be father of the year. When I brought my daughter to the ER with a fever he ignored my calls and texts. I'd rather struggle than force my daughter to spend every summer and every other holiday with him when she's older :/
Finally getting child support was the smartest decision I made. I had your same fears ~ but finally decided that IF Dad wanted to be part of his life - that might have been a good thing for my son.

I knew that there was no way he was going to get 50/50 custody.

Anyway, the child support helped GREATLY with daycare and now . . well, teen-agers are expensive!

Last edited by JustJulia; 01-04-2012 at 05:27 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2012, 05:05 AM
 
144 posts, read 244,044 times
Reputation: 162
Quote:
Originally Posted by dimps88 View Post
I'm contemplating child support, but I am so afraid of my ex trying to use my daughter as a pon. Shortly after she was born he said he wants 50/50 custody or to sign his rights away. Since he got a new girlfriend (who has a kid), he has been pretending to be father of the year. When I brought my daughter to the ER with a fever he ignored my calls and texts. I'd rather struggle than force my daughter to spend every summer and every other holiday with him when she's older :/
You may consider the child support anyway. When your daughter gets older say 18. your ex may try to become a part of her life and get to know her after all those years of you doing all the work of raising her and paying for everything. Get Him to Pay.

Last edited by JustJulia; 01-04-2012 at 05:27 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,673,685 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by raggy491 View Post
You may consider the child support anyway. When your daughter gets older say 18. your ex may try to become a part of her life and get to know her after all those years of you doing all the work of raising her and paying for everything. Get Him to Pay.
I believe we can leave that to the discretion (and respect the choice) of the adult daughter to decide if she wants to get involved with "her" Dad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2012, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,673,685 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by dimps88 View Post
I'm a single mother to a perfect 11 month old girl. We just moved across the county, back to where I lived when I dated her father - who isn't supportive in any sense of the word. My daughter and i moved away from my family on the east coast for a better job and grad school.
I'm a strong person and I can handle a lot, but weeks like these - I'm just not enough. I don't know how to do this alone. There's no one for me to talk to, there's no one to lean on. My daughter had a fever for 4 days and has pneumonia - even as a nurse I was scared to death and couldn't hold it all together - I've broke down into tears nearly every day.
I love my daughter so much and I'd go through hell and back for her but I just - I don't know how to do this alone.
Do you have "any" support system at the moment? Someone you can fall back on in times as these?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2012, 09:21 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by dimps88 View Post
I'm contemplating child support, but I am so afraid of my ex trying to use my daughter as a pon. Shortly after she was born he said he wants 50/50 custody or to sign his rights away. Since he got a new girlfriend (who has a kid), he has been pretending to be father of the year. When I brought my daughter to the ER with a fever he ignored my calls and texts. I'd rather struggle than force my daughter to spend every summer and every other holiday with him when she's older :/
It sounds like you are in limbo now?

Find some legal aid. Talk to a lawyer who can explain your rights and his rights so you can come to an informed decision on what you should do.

(And start documenting everything NOW. Keep a journal. If you have a daughter in the hospital and the father is ignoring it keep a record!)

Good luck to you. Personally I think you are trying to do too much. With the bar you've set for yourself very few parents would be "enough". I'd leave grad school for when things are more stable. You are young. There is time but there won't be if you burn yourself out trying to be superwoman. (Who doesn't exist.)

Last edited by JustJulia; 01-04-2012 at 05:30 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top