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Old 01-04-2012, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Northglenn, CO
521 posts, read 696,298 times
Reputation: 1141

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
So what is your point? Obviously I touched a nerve. My original comment on this thread was about me not buying her a name brand item and many of you took offense. When I said that I buy her nice clothes and she "fits in," I'm talking about buying her things she wants (always with coupons) and she looks nice when she goes to school. I'm not talking about lavish purchases. She has nice age appropriate things from Kohls and other stores that give you good value for your money.

Where did I say that I'm in a financial mess? We do live modestly but we are quite comfortable in our lifestyle, even if I'm not rushing off to the store to buy iPhones, Uggs boots, or Coach purses (another big thing here with the girls). Our spending habits have stayed the same mostly throughout this recession. Are you assuming that we had a lavish lifestyle before the melt down? We didn't. My hsband and I have always been savers, investors and have always tried imparting the importance of saving and that other good stuff to our kids. However, as I've said before, this recession weighs heavily on my mind and I've known many folks that haven't been fortunate.

You assume a lot, and things that I don't recall saying.
First, I don't think anyone is offended you bought your kid knock-off boots. That's pretty funny.

If you aren't the poster who said you make 30% of what was made in the past, I apologize for the comment. If you are that poster, and you still give to charity, why?

I'm not assuming anything. Please learn the meaning of that saying. What I was doing was asking questions. Someone said they make 30% of what they did before and that's why they buy knock-off gifts. I thought that same person said they give quite a bit to charity. If so, that's just plain stupid, if not and I'm mincing posts, I apologize.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,594 posts, read 2,561,769 times
Reputation: 4942
My parents always said, "If you want it, save your money until you can afford to buy it."
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:21 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,556,642 times
Reputation: 32259
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It seems to me that at this age the parent should be helping the child discern which social pressures are for the good (join SADD, join the chess club with me...) and which ones are not (You're only cool if you wear the latest fashions down to really everyone smokes what are you a nerd?)...
Absolutely.

I also talked with my kids about the type of friends they wanted. Did they want friends who were going to pick on them and make fun of them because of what they wore and what they owned? Or did they want friends who liked them for themselves.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:24 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 35,204,377 times
Reputation: 42392
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiScree View Post
If you aren't the poster who said you make 30% of what was made in the past, I apologize for the comment.
Yes, that was someone else.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Northglenn, CO
521 posts, read 696,298 times
Reputation: 1141
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Yes, that was someone else.
My bad.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Northglenn, CO
521 posts, read 696,298 times
Reputation: 1141
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
I'm not the poster who is making 30% of what they made in the past. Reread the thread before blasting me, multiquoting my posts, and taking things quite literally. I'm just trying to rely my experiences with my daughter and some frustrations I am feeling with kids' attitudes about material things today. Didn't know that I would touch such a nerve with my silly Uggs boots example.

In any case, going to bow out of this thread before I get a forum infraction for any further comments I make. I also don't mince my words and this will just go around and around with some of us talking past one another.

Have a great day.
Again, no nerve hit with the Ugg boots. LOL

I see how I minced the posts; you were quoted in the one post I read about the family having less, and again, I apologize. What's really funny, after reading all of our posts, is we agree on all the important stuff, and isn't that all that matters?

LOL. . .forum infraction.

You have a great day as well.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:41 AM
 
15,847 posts, read 18,642,378 times
Reputation: 25637
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
My nephew who is 15 didnt get anything for xmas. He lives with his uncle but his mom has custody. HIs mom (my sister) is addicted to pain pills and blows all of her $ on that. She also has a 5 yo daughter. She got her stuff on xmas but not my nephew reasoning that since he was older he would understand. What kid understands not having one gift to unwrap xmas morning. I just found out and yesterday took him on an all out shopping spree. I got him about $400 in clothes and a case for his phone. When I tell you this kid was shocked thats an understatement. He was so happy to know that someone actually cared about him. It brought tears to my eyes. Mind you all I got was clothes and a case for the phone his basketball coach got him and he was estatic. I wanted to get him a game system or something but I knew his mom would just steal it and sell it. Sad.
Your post makes me cry. How heartbreaking. I am thankful that you love this young man, and show him caring. This is the reason we need to help our children understand the true value of anything. It is not the material thing, it is the Gesture of love that is what a "gift" is imo

For those mom's wrestling w/ other mom's making them feel less than....remember you are the one making the decisions for your child, everything else is just opinions. Everyone has a different perspective, from their own life experiences. I am so glad not to be going through raising small children these days.

My kids were loved, were safe warm, and knew they were loved. WE often didn't have much more than money for them to buy each other dollar store gifts for Christmas. But, these are the moments they remember today, in their late 20's-late 30's. They don't remember the Atari that Mom spent money on (at that time a big deal)or the Jordon's that GMa sent.

They remember when we couldn't afford the "traditional turkey and trimmings" and Mom invented "our new tradition", cultural Christmas dinners.

I was in College, raising 4 Son's....We would make mexican food, or chinese food, with whatever we had in the cupboards. They still love to do that.Keep gifting reasonable and age appropriate, otherwise you really are doing a disservice to your child.
Too much "entitlement" these days in our young people. I honestly believe some parents today are making this worse, this sense of "entitlement" It is often a cruel world, and entitled young people are ill prepared for the reality they may face as young adults.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:42 AM
 
3,647 posts, read 9,365,023 times
Reputation: 5428
My kids wear uniforms to school. BUT they are allowed to wear any shoes they want (which puts a LOT of focus on them) as well as backpacks, plus name brands (if they carry items that fit within the dress code)... my dd feels it more than my son. He wears shoes from Walmart, backpack too. My daughter's shoes are from Payless, but her backpack is an expensive stylish one that her grandfather bought her for her birthday. While they don't 'need' these things to fit in, it sure helps them feel better. As long as they appreciate it (which they do THIS year, as now they have few things - kids outgrow clothes and shoes fast!) I'm happy with it.

One of my best (and favorite) examples... last year, we took them to the state fair and spent an UNGODLY amount of money on games, food, rides, valet parking, etc. This year, we couldn't afford the gas to get there. We attended a local fair a few weeks beforehand. We split a turkey leg, funnel cake and a couple sodas and let the kids play a couple games. Total cost was under $25. The kids had a GREAT time, thanking me profusely for the fabulous day. The year before, they complained for weeks because there was one game they wanted to play wasn't open and we didn't go for a second day. BIG difference in attitude and gratefulness when they focus on what they GET instead of what they DON'T!
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,916,460 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
You assume waaaay too much about my daughter and my spending habits. I will say it again--she gets many things that she does want. She has nice clothes. We do mother and daugther shopping sprees at stores I absolutely depise but are trendy for the tweens. She "fits" in and is dressed very well at Middle School. Santa was good to her and she got many gifts that she wanted and now wears/carries happily to school. I got her a name brand purse that she adores and I got on sale for example. She is actually happy now with her new boots, one black and one purple pair and is wearing those every day. Did she get a pair of Uggs boots in addition to her extensive wish list? No she didn't but we compromised and got a bunch of goodies for or under the cost of Uggs boots. I don't ever recall telling her that they were a "waste" of money as you mentioned. We actually went to look for some but found what we wanted in Kohls instead. As to the iPhone, thanks for your shopping advice but I don't have one, my husband doesn't have one. Nor am I getting her a "free" one and then sign up for a data plan over the year. She is under our plan, can talk with her friends. If she doesn't have the latest, shiney gadget, so be it. If she is traumatized at not having an iPhone, tough.

I would advise you to read some later threads about people being on the verge of losing everything. These are tough times and kids don't need to have every single gadget or thing on their wish list to be happy. I really do feel that kids are entitled these days and aren't grateful for what they have. Each year my husband's company sponsers a program where the employees buy underprivleged kids a gift they want during the holidays. My husband shelled out $100 bucks or so on a gift for one little boy. These kids get NOTHING. Many of these kids write thank you notes back to the company and it breaks your heart. It really makes you think and I'm so damned grateful that my husband has a job when so many folks are out of work right now.

Sorry that I touched a nerve mentioning Uggs or iPhones---I should have left my comments generic to not offend anyone. If you buy your kids this stuff, great. More power to you. Just make sure that your kids aren't teasing the other kids who may not have the latest and greatest stuff. And that they are GRATEFUL for what they do have. This was the whole point of the thread.
Here's a little different scenario with the UGGS trend...
I have always (since high school) been fairly brand conscious and as an adult now realize which are better, which are not. Expensive doesn't always equate quality.
I buy certain handbags because they last longer and it makes more sense to me to buy something that lasts vs. a new handbag every season because the other one is falling apart.....
With that said, I try very,very hard to NOT instill this in my kids. My 9yr old has UGGS, we bought them formher and honestly, I don't know if she even knows they are UGGS because I just refer to them as her boots...
So, I have a close family member who has constantly criticized me for being so brand aware and is always making snide remarks...
Over the holidays we saw them and the very 1st thing she said was " Susie (not real name) got a Vera Bradley bag " and I said " oh, very pretty". Then she says and "jonnie is wearing a Shaun White polo shirt." ? I don't have boys so I a, not familiar with this brand....
Okay I thought, kind of funny throwing around the brand names but whatever...
Then when they were getting ready to leave, she asked her daughter to put on her UGGS. This really threw me, so I said " oh wow, she got UGGS too"? And she said " well, they aren't REAL ones, we just call them that".
So I made a snide remark about being pretty conscious about brands ourself this year and that I find it all a bit hypocritical.
I don't care who's kid is wearing what, but as I said, I don't go around shouting out that my daughter has on UGGS or that she is wearing JCrew or Lauren, she has NO idea most of the time where her clothes come from unless she is with me and she wants to shop, which is very rarely!
I can't stand all of the " keeping up", I buy the brands I like, that I feel is good quality and that's it. I certainly don't go around telling others what I am wearing or what my kids are wearing.
Thankfully, my daughter very rarely asks for certain things and she is fine with whatever she gets.
She rcvd an ipod touch from Santa this year and a new wii game, my 6 yr old who is NOT into clothes at all and is happy with her puma cotton lounge pants , got some car track set she wanted and a few DS games.....

I think alot ofmthe problem with kids wanting and wanting is that their parents want and want and they do it in front of them. Why would an adult who claims they could care less about brand names, call a pair of boots UGGS when they aren't? It's all a socio-economic status symbol to me if you are going to go around " name dropping" like that.
Or is it just like calling a tissue; Kleenex when it is just a generic brand? Lol, I don't know, but the whole thing just sounds so hypocritical and it worked my nerves...

As for the OP, it sounds as though you may have spent possibly the same amount of money on all of the gifts, that you would have for a pair of UGGS, so, if she really wanted UGGS, get them for her, but make it clear that is all she is getting..... So many people want to make it about the quantity of gifts vs. quality. UGGS are high quality boots, they last for several seasons and they do the job, keep your feet warm!
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Old 01-04-2012, 12:01 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,658,800 times
Reputation: 10484
It isn't that it HAS to be name brand it's about your DD asking for something specific for Christmas and you giving her something else. Get her the cheep boots when you are back to school shopping, Christmas is about getting what you want, not what you need. There is nothing wrong with shopping with your DD and her asking for Uggs and you pointing out that she can get the uggs or 8 other things and letting her decide but when it comes down to a Christmas present, why would you intentionally disappoint your child?

And if it matters, my DD has never asked for Uggs, nor would she because she thinks they are ugly and uncomfortable...and I agree.
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