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Old 01-06-2012, 05:34 AM
 
897 posts, read 2,094,622 times
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DS 17 has a friend(neighbor) who tends to have parties at his house. There is alcohol snuck in etc..... Parents are there but the teens are sneaky. SO the mom went OT to a bowl game with other child. Dad was home but didn't monitor very closely and my neighbor called to tell me. DS was there but I didn 't realize it was that many people. Long story short- mom comes home- we talk and i tell her things I knew- some from this neighbor- so he calls me MAD that I told her and said that his name was associated with it.... And I told him she wanted to know since her husband hasn't told her everything. I told my SIL who knows this neighbor and she said it's really none of his business -other than the disrespect of loud music and trash in his yard... The mom and I are mad b/c of the open house party law which i am sure most of you know about-parents are liable if alcohol is in your house ...FINALLY they have stopped all teens from being at their house for now.....what is your opinion of the nosy neighbor?
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Old 01-06-2012, 05:51 AM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,733,501 times
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My opinion is that the nosey neighbor did the right thing in this situation. Remember when neighbors used to watch out for each other, help guide the neighborhood kids in the right direction? Heard of the phrase "It takes a village?"

The mom is wrong at the wrong person. She needs to be mad at her son for allowing his friends to come over with alcohol and to be mad at him for bringing in alcohol. She should count her blessings that she found out from "nosey" neighbor rather than from police showing up at her doorsteps. She shouldnt be kicking out kids because she is mad, she should be kicking them out because they are putting her at risk for being fined and put in jail.

The "nosey" neighbor deserves a thank you IMHO
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Old 01-06-2012, 05:58 AM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,782,209 times
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Tough to get the facts straight here:

Neighbor's son had a party while Mom was out of town, and Dad didn't supervise. A different neighbor told you about the party, and you passed on the info to the Mom of the host, and let her know your source, who is upset you broke what he felt was a confidence? Not sure what the SIL has to do with anything?

Who do you consider nosy? The neighbor who is mad you outed as your confidential source?

Teen parties where alcohol is consumed frequently turn out badly, not just for the teens and the homeowners, but also for neighbors, the parents of the attendees and anybody who might be on the road afterwards. There should be no assumption of privacy. I don't think the "nosy" neighbor was out of line at all, nor do I think you did anything wrong by letting the mother know.

The only ones in the wrong were the teens, and to a degree, the Dad who wasn't keeping an eye on things. A crime was being committed. I think the real parenting issue is whether or not neighbors have the duty to let parents know what there kids are up to. In this case, I think they do.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:08 AM
 
897 posts, read 2,094,622 times
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The Mom is not mad at the nosy neighbor- she said the exact thing"it takes a village" the nosy neighbor is mad at ME for telling her some of the things that he has observed.... Mom and I are ont he same page- it's the Dad/teen who don't seem to get it......
SIL and I are cousin s with nosy neighbor .... and he is very into other's business....
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:34 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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I don't understand why the nosy neighbor would be mad at you, but some people are gossips who just like to start trouble from the shadows. You could apologize to him from the standpoint that you did not realize your telling the mom would upset him (why did he tell you, if not to pass it along?), and you might gently ask him to tell you in the future when something is a secret.
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:44 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,175 posts, read 14,249,488 times
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I don't understand nosy neighbor's (NN) anger at you either. Unless.......... NN wanted to have something on the partyhouse (PH) parents and you telling took away any "hold" NN might have had.

Mom of partyhouse should be counting her lucky stars that no kid was injured on the way home from one of her kid's parties. I'd be contacting the parents of the other kids attending to let them know their children were in possession of alcohol and brought it to MY house. Liability issues big time.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Arizona
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IMO, if the nosy neighbor didn't want the parents to know it was them calling either a. he shouldn't have called or told you in the first place or b. he should have called the police and requested anonymity.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:31 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hlsess View Post
The Mom is not mad at the nosy neighbor- she said the exact thing"it takes a village" the nosy neighbor is mad at ME for telling her some of the things that he has observed.... Mom and I are ont he same page- it's the Dad/teen who don't seem to get it......
SIL and I are cousin s with nosy neighbor .... and he is very into other's business....
It's illegal for parents to allow their child to have alcoholic parties and provide alcohol to underage kids -- especially if any of those kids would be driving after drinking.

I wouldn't call that other one a nosy neighbor -- he probably should have called the police. He might be afraid the teens will retaliate against him.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:40 AM
 
452 posts, read 699,333 times
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The neighbor was not nosey if there was loud music and trash in his yard. This was infact an invasion of their privacy. The parents should be apologizing for the actions they took-the father for not saying anything when it was happening and the SIL for getting upset since she should be upset at the husband and son. Teens should have some monitoring/guidance we know how our children act but not how other kids act and no holds bar when there is a group. Any party involving alcohol even adults in this day an age people are sueing for liability when they leave a party drunk and get involved in any altercation (accident or doing something stupid)and it goes back to the homeowner where the party was given even if they did not supply the alcohol that the person drank.
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:50 AM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,490,118 times
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Odd situation all around, but the neighbor is most likely mad as he wanted to remain anonymous out of fear of being the "bad guy" in the eyes of the father and the teen son. He contacted you to intervene because he knew your kid was at the party and hence you had a vested interest and line on information about what was going on. He most likely was trying to make a point without having to make it himself. I understand why he would be perturbed, but overall everyone seems to be working towards doing the right thing.

If I was you and talking to the mom, I would have left the neighbors name out of it and relayed the information in a way that wouldn't implicate anyone. Some people are nosey, but they want to be nosey in private.
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