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Old 01-10-2012, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Round Rock, Texas
10,061 posts, read 9,305,978 times
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I've always called my step-parents by their first names. For me, "Mom" and "Dad" was reserved for biological parents, despite being divorced. My stepmother was never offended because she understood that I had a mother. My actions showed my respect for her as my father's wife.
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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I was very touched when my grandbaby's mom taught her to say "stepdaddy" for her new husband at the age of two. I have to admit there was a fear of my son "losing" his daddy identity when she got married. I think if a parent is gone from the picture such as a deadbeat parent, it's fine. When the other parent is still in the picture and has a relationship with the child, then stepdad/mom would be the right thing to do.
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Old 01-10-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Chicago
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Same thing as everyone. I have two step parents. I will refer to my step mom as mom at some functions, but for the most part I call her barbara.

We went to a neighborhood Christmas party where everyone was calling her my mom and I referred to her as such since it isn't a big deal.

However, my step dad it isn't the same. I would never call him dad nor would I refer to him as dad.
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:24 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Sometimes the bio parent interferes too. It can hurt when your kid calls someone else Mom or Dad.
The children's feelings are more important than the parents' feelings.

Parents are adults and they should act accordingly. If they are bothered by it, they need to take a serious look at themselves.

If a child feels a step is a mom/dad, that child is blessed. It should always be the child's decision, whatever decision the child makes.

And I've known step-parents who don't even have their gender bio in the picture who say, "Don't call me dad/mom, I'm not your dad/mom."

Cruel. Cruel. Cruel.
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:47 PM
 
15,743 posts, read 13,167,427 times
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My mom was always "Mom" and my stepmom was "Ma". A small but distinct way of making sure in my own head at least that they were both close to me but not the same.
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Old 01-10-2012, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York
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Whe it becomes ok with the child and the step parent.
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Old 01-10-2012, 08:32 PM
 
99 posts, read 102,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
It's only ever ok when the kid decides that's the name they want to call the step-parent by.

A parent or step-parent should NEVER be the one to insist this name be used.
What about if it involves a baby?
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Old 01-10-2012, 08:50 PM
 
99 posts, read 102,966 times
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Most responses here deal w/ if the child is just that a child and has some form of a relationship w/ the bio parent, how about in the case of the child being under the age of 2 before language has developed?
What's the feeling if the bio parent and step parent refer to themselves as Mom/Dad to the infant/toddler?
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Old 01-11-2012, 07:38 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,966,446 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docmac22 View Post
Most responses here deal w/ if the child is just that a child and has some form of a relationship w/ the bio parent, how about in the case of the child being under the age of 2 before language has developed?
What's the feeling if the bio parent and step parent refer to themselves as Mom/Dad to the infant/toddler?
Good question. I think it would depend on the family. I am not in that situation so it's hard to say definitively, "This is what I would do," but I can see the value in viewing an adopted step-parent as Mom or Dad. If, for example, bio-Dad is in the picture and calling step-Dad "Dad" will be hurtful, then maybe "Papa" or an affectionate nickname.

I have a mom and a dad; I also call my husband's parents Mom and Dad. I had a long-time boyfriend before I married my husband, and I called his mother Mom as well, and my high school friend's mother was also Mom. It's just a term of endearment. A child can have many mothers and fathers. My cousin was adopted at six; she calls both fathers "Dad." A child with two lesbian mothers will probably call them both "Mom," unless they decide something else is better.

It's really up to the family and what fits their scenario best. If bio-Dad doesn't like that step-Dad is called "Daddy," hopefully there's a solution. I hope that most families decide those things based on everybody's feelings, as well as what is best for this child.
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:12 AM
 
99 posts, read 102,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Good question. I think it would depend on the family. I am not in that situation so it's hard to say definitively, "This is what I would do," but I can see the value in viewing an adopted step-parent as Mom or Dad. If, for example, bio-Dad is in the picture and calling step-Dad "Dad" will be hurtful, then maybe "Papa" or an affectionate nickname.

I have a mom and a dad; I also call my husband's parents Mom and Dad. I had a long-time boyfriend before I married my husband, and I called his mother Mom as well, and my high school friend's mother was also Mom. It's just a term of endearment. A child can have many mothers and fathers. My cousin was adopted at six; she calls both fathers "Dad." A child with two lesbian mothers will probably call them both "Mom," unless they decide something else is better.

It's really up to the family and what fits their scenario best. If bio-Dad doesn't like that step-Dad is called "Daddy," hopefully there's a solution. I hope that most families decide those things based on everybody's feelings, as well as what is best for this child.
We are of the opinion that it's none of the bio parents business how the household is ran seeing as how it's not their household. We use the title "Dad" for the bio father, and Im called Daddy it's just what my wife started doing, at first was a bit taken back cause I put myself in Bio dad's shoes but quickly realized what happens in my home is none of his business. My wife's position is if I'm going to do most of the rearing and be putting in all the time and bio dad will be basically in her words a 3 day a month "Babysitter" then why shouldn't the baby also address me as Daddy.

I saw her point and the she told Bio dad that he's addressed as "Dad" in our household and Daddy will be reserved as a term of endearment for the one putting in all the time.
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