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Old 01-11-2012, 04:00 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039

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Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
Hmm, our sons are 23 and 27. We live in Atlanta, not New York. Our sons degrees are not in finance either. I explicitly said that one of our sons had a job I think online poker is a popular way for young men to make additonal money nowadays. Our kids have no desire to move out, where it seems the guy in that post wants to leave. What in the world would I get out of being dishonest?

Anyway we do not want our sons living on the streets. We were thinking of offering to rent them an apartment to get on their feet, then slowly require them to start paying their own way. As far as cutting off cable and internet, they make their own money and would be able to pay for their own service. My wife and I refuse to compromise our comforts to squeeze our sons out of the house. We are not going to turn off our electricity, cut off cable and internet, remove doors from our home, live with an empty fridge, and live in a home where we play other passive aggressive games. We are aging and trying to enjoy our retirement.

We are good parents with kids who just need an extra push. They are college graduates, did well in school, and can be helpful at times. We just need our home back and we need to do this without ruining our relationship. The physical attacks stopped about five years ago after my wife and I signed up for self-defense classes. We want to enjoy our golden years without our sons inviting themselves on our vacations, using our vehicles without our permission, and interrupting our dinner parties with their foul-mouthed, drunk and high friends coming by.

We are incapable of being cold and shunning. My wife and I are in counseling about this and feel we are making some progress. I just wanted some advice on how to get my kids out without destroying our relationship. These are our only kids and we love them very much. Cutting our relationship ties is not an option. They will have families and we want to be a part of our future grandchildrens' lives.
DO NOT rent them an apartment! Quit enabling them! You are allowing them to take advantage of you. Only you can stop it. The longer you let it go on, the worse it will get, and the worse off your relationship with them will be. Give them 30 days in writing. period. They'll find somewhere to stay other than on the street.

 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,678,000 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
Hmm, our sons are 23 and 27. We live in Atlanta, not New York. Our sons degrees are not in finance either. I explicitly said that one of our sons had a job I think online poker is a popular way for young men to make additonal money nowadays. Our kids have no desire to move out, where it seems the guy in that post wants to leave. What in the world would I get out of being dishonest?

Anyway we do not want our sons living on the streets. We were thinking of offering to rent them an apartment to get on their feet, then slowly require them to start paying their own way. As far as cutting off cable and internet, they make their own money and would be able to pay for their own service. My wife and I refuse to compromise our comforts to squeeze our sons out of the house. We are not going to turn off our electricity, cut off cable and internet, remove doors from our home, live with an empty fridge, and live in a home where we play other passive aggressive games. We are aging and trying to enjoy our retirement.

We are good parents with kids who just need an extra push. They are college graduates, did well in school, and can be helpful at times. We just need our home back and we need to do this without ruining our relationship. The physical attacks stopped about five years ago after my wife and I signed up for self-defense classes. We want to enjoy our golden years without our sons inviting themselves on our vacations, using our vehicles without our permission, and interrupting our dinner parties with their foul-mouthed, drunk and high friends coming by.

We are incapable of being cold and shunning. My wife and I are in counseling about this and feel we are making some progress. I just wanted some advice on how to get my kids out without destroying our relationship. These are our only kids and we love them very much. Cutting our relationship ties is not an option. They will have families and we want to be a part of our future grandchildrens' lives.


I don't believe you. I know no parent who tolerates foul-mouthed friends of sons and is not calling the cops.

Do you live in some special LOTR world? Are the sons orcs/ogres Did some evil witch cast a spell?
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:00 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,376,861 times
Reputation: 1070
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Maybe you all are ok with a Jerry Springer episode for a family, but I have higher standards.

So your son hits you and you do what exactly??? And how would your husband react?
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:04 PM
 
67 posts, read 183,026 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post


I don't believe you. I know no parent who tolerates foul-mouthed friends of sons and is not calling the cops.

Do you live in some special LOTR world? Are the sons orcs/ogres Did some evil witch cast a spell?
We don't tolerate them. We have kicked them out of our house multiple times.

This is not a joke. Our kids are ruining our lives.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:05 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
Reputation: 33920
Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
Hmm, our sons are 23 and 27. We live in Atlanta, not New York. Our sons degrees are not in finance either. I explicitly said that one of our sons had a job I think online poker is a popular way for young men to make additonal money nowadays. Our kids have no desire to move out, where it seems the guy in that post wants to leave. What in the world would I get out of being dishonest?

Anyway we do not want our sons living on the streets. We were thinking of offering to rent them an apartment to get on their feet, then slowly require them to start paying their own way. As far as cutting off cable and internet, they make their own money and would be able to pay for their own service. My wife and I refuse to compromise our comforts to squeeze our sons out of the house. We are not going to turn off our electricity, cut off cable and internet, remove doors from our home, live with an empty fridge, and live in a home where we play other passive aggressive games. We are aging and trying to enjoy our retirement.

We are good parents with kids who just need an extra push. They are college graduates, did well in school, and can be helpful at times. We just need our home back and we need to do this without ruining our relationship. The physical attacks stopped about five years ago after my wife and I signed up for self-defense classes. We want to enjoy our golden years without our sons inviting themselves on our vacations, using our vehicles without our permission, and interrupting our dinner parties with their foul-mouthed, drunk and high friends coming by.

We are incapable of being cold and shunning. My wife and I are in counseling about this and feel we are making some progress. I just wanted some advice on how to get my kids out without destroying our relationship. These are our only kids and we love them very much. Cutting our relationship ties is not an option. They will have families and we want to be a part of our future grandchildrens' lives.
Honestly, although I understand your hesitation to take a tough stance, you haven't posted anything to lead us to believe doing less will make any difference with your sons. They are taking advantage, and you are allowing it.

Unless you decide the acceptable outcome, that ball is in their court.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:05 PM
 
3,647 posts, read 9,309,275 times
Reputation: 5427
Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
We are incapable of being cold and shunning. My wife and I are in counseling about this and feel we are making some progress. I just wanted some advice on how to get my kids out without destroying our relationship. These are our only kids and we love them very much. Cutting our relationship ties is not an option. They will have families and we want to be a part of our future grandchildrens' lives.
You will be part of your future grandchildren's lives... chances are, they'll be living with you too. 27 year old boys who still live at home, don't attract a quality kind of woman. They attract the same type of trash they are and their future spouses will expect you to do as they say as well. This isn't a temporary stop in your life... it didn't happen suddenly and I suspect it's not going to end soon.

You're enabling them. You raised them to be selfish and entitled and you're reaping that, and so are they. You do not want them out, or you would do whatever was necessary to help them become functioning members of society, rather than overgrown leeches. They have no impetus to move out. They have free room and board, a comfortable home, free cable, free internet... I'll bet those are nice rooms too, with all the latest electronics, nice furniture, access to free laundry (and laundry service, housekeeping, etc as well)... why would they leave?

If you really want them to go, then do something. Quit making excuses.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:06 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,678,000 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
We don't tolerate them. We have kicked them out of our house multiple times.

This is not a joke. Our kids are ruining our lives.
Then take legal action with the cops, attorneys, throw them into the street. Get a restraining order. A quarrantine zone.

This is parental abuse.

My father "disowned" me for negligible offences with the well water ritual. He's big on that drama. You are way too lenient.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:07 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
Reputation: 30256
Wow. Can't believe I wandered into this thread.

A teen hitting a parent is NOT the result of natural hormones. It's a direct result of poor parenting. Period.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:08 PM
 
67 posts, read 183,026 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
DO NOT rent them an apartment! Quit enabling them! You are allowing them to take advantage of you. Only you can stop it. The longer you let it go on, the worse it will get, and the worse off your relationship with them will be. Give them 30 days in writing. period. They'll find somewhere to stay other than on the street.
We will not play mean games. We do not do that to our family members.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 04:09 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
So your son hits you and you do what exactly??? And how would your husband react?
Healthy families don't hit each other. Period. It's not normal behavior.

If a parent has a child hit them, that parent messed up a long time ago.
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