U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 01-11-2012, 08:25 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
Reputation: 45815

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
My wife and I have two sons, 23 and 27, who refuse to leave our house. Both are college graduates with marketable degrees, but they refuse to get real jobs. Both have earned quite a bit playing online poker and just laugh in our faces and tell us to shut the hell up when we tell them that gaming is not a way to earn a sustainable living.

We let the 27 year old move back in with us after graduating from a top school here in Georgia to help him establish himself. My other son had just started college and was living in the dorms. The son living with us had a part time job at Starbucks that he quit because he was "tired of making drinks all day." He had already started playing online poker, so he was able to supplement the income he had been making at Starbucks. We told him that if he was going to support himself by gambling that he needed to find a new place to live. He threw a huge tantrum, got in our faces, cursed us out, and dared us to kick him out. He and I got then got into a physical fight, before my wife jumped in and helped me pin him down until he calmed. He stormed out of the room and was gone the next day. Two days later I returned home from work to find him back in my house. He started sobbing saying that he was sorry and missed home. He promised to pay extra in rent, be more respectful, and move out within 6 months. I accepted. 6 years later he is still with us.

My other son moved directly into my house after school with no job. We told him that he had 4 months to find a job or else we would need for him to leave. He supposedly got a job at a local mall, but my wife and I found out that he had started successfully playing online poker and had been lying to us the whole time. My wife and I gave this son the same ultimatum we gave the older one, stop gambling or get out. He promised to stop gambling and find a job, which he told us he did but we do not believe. We believe he goes to his friends' homes to play when he tells us that he is at work.

My wife and I are at our wits in and cannot get our sons out of our house. On top of everything, they do not clean up behind themselves, they bring young "ladies" back to our house making all kinds of noise into the night, drink excessively and tear our belongings up, and sometimes come in from partying when my wife and I are getting ready for work.

We don't want to strain our relationships by getting the authorities involved, as we love our sons and have plenty of decent times. We are also getting older and may need to rely on our sons for help if our physical conditions warrant. But it is time for them to go. My wife and I are getting ready to retire and we do not need to spend our retirement dealing with this mess. How do we get them out in a non-confrontational manner?
Bingo. Here is your problem in a nutshell. You keep seeking the easy way out. Sorry, but raising children involves having a backbone. It means being unpopular. It means your children sometimes hating you. It means laying down the law and then enforcing it. You haven't apparently done any of these things while your children were young, so now you have a huge problem on your hands.

Playing online poker? That's easy. Turn off the internet or change the password to your WiFi.

Having spend the night company? That's easy. Walk into their bedrooms while they're entertaining.

Wake them up at 6 a.m. to mow the grass. Have a list of things to do.

Don't buy groceries. Simply go out to eat with the wife.

Convert their bedrooms into a library and a sewing room. Take out the mattress and box springs.

And that's just a partial list. I think you know what to do, having read these.

 
Old 01-11-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,594 posts, read 2,535,980 times
Reputation: 4937
Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
My wife and I have two sons, 23 and 27, who refuse to leave our house.
Quote:
Both have earned quite a bit playing online poker and just laugh in our faces and tell us to shut the hell up when we tell them that gaming is not a way to earn a sustainable living.
Quote:
He threw a huge tantrum, got in our faces, cursed us out, and dared us to kick him out. He and I got then got into a physical fight, before my wife jumped in and helped me pin him down until he calmed. He stormed out of the room and was gone the next day.
Quote:
My wife and I are at our wits in and cannot get our sons out of our house.
Quote:
We don't want to strain our relationships by getting the authorities involved,
Are you serious? You got into a physical altercation with your son, and you're worried about "straining our relationships"? You're long past that stage! They are adults now, not kids. If they do not leave YOUR property which you own, then it's time to get the authorities involved, especially when violence is occurring. If they refuse to comply, they will be charged and punished like adults. It's time to man-up and be a parent.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 08:40 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,614,142 times
Reputation: 5534
1.buy 2 suitcases
2.put kids belongings in suitcases
3.stick suitcases outside door
4.change locks.
5.smile as your kids bang on the door.


No but seriously you have to stop being doormats and give them a firm time frame when you expect them out. Be it 3 months or 6 tell them it's time to move on.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,481 posts, read 3,171,240 times
Reputation: 2377
Passive aggressive works in some cases but heres the deal the damn cops will tell the boys they have rights and you have to follow the law so once the kids are given that heads up your gonna have to go the legal route anyways so go there first and get the jump on this .. you can get a judgement and removal order in 30 days since these are childless MEN ..
HOWEVER you can shut off the internet for 30 days and eat out .. just do not fall into the trap of but mommmmmmm we're starving .... flat out
 
Old 01-11-2012, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,620,437 times
Reputation: 46995
OP please tell us you have had your eyes opened by our replies.

Please tell us you will contact a lawyer and find out he RIGHT way to do this.

Please tell us what you are going to do.

Please don't tell us you won't do anything.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,620,437 times
Reputation: 46995
OP now scroll down to Similar Threads and read about others in the same situation.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 09:30 AM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,726,986 times
Reputation: 1645
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I don't think you can legally kick someone out of his residence without notice. I believe you have to go through the legal channels of eviction.
It isn't his residence and they have given them months. They have every right to kick their sons out, especially after dealing with violence.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 09:33 AM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,376,861 times
Reputation: 1070
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
It isn't his residence and they have given them months. They have every right to kick their sons out, especially after dealing with violence.

LEGALLY no they cant ask them to leave without at least 30 days notice in writting. If they call the police they will tell them the same. If you get mail there you live there and have to be evicted.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,614,142 times
Reputation: 5534
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I don't think you can legally kick someone out of his residence without notice. I believe you have to go through the legal channels of eviction.

Only if you have them on a lease otherwise legally they are not entitled to that protection.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 2,094,316 times
Reputation: 1529
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
It isn't his residence and they have given them months. They have every right to kick their sons out, especially after dealing with violence.
Actually it is his/their residence because they allowed him to move back in, so they have to legally evict them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top