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Old 01-11-2012, 10:15 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
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Goat: Obviously there's been a breakdown in this family. But when two adult sons laugh in their parents' faces and tell them to "shut the hell up" they are beyond counseling. People with that attitude do not sit and listen to a counselor. They don't even GO to the counselor. My guess is these two guys think they know everything and their parents are clueless dullards. (I'd also bet that they do not pay rent. They said they would to get what they wanted - back into the house - but stopped. I've seen it in other families.)

 
Old 01-11-2012, 11:24 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,613,675 times
Reputation: 20198
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
I thought verbal agreements were recognized by the court?

If the sons were paying rent, I guess what you say is true, but most judges are going to look at this situation with disgust for the sons. Sure, the sons could dig their heels, but if they are violent (and they have a history of violence) the parents are well within their rights to make them leave.
If verbal agreements were valid in this situation, then the kids would have the right to stay there indefinitely, because the verbal agreement, originally, was "yes, you can live here."

And again, in order to change that, there would need to be a new agreement made. And since the sons refuse to leave on their own, the "new agreement" would need to be dictated to the sons by the court system.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 2,094,316 times
Reputation: 1529
Don't play any games with your son's, i.e. taking doors off, playing loud music etc...just go and get the paperwork started for eviction, plain and simple. No need to stoop to their level, just get it done.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:14 PM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,135,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
Don't play any games with your son's, i.e. taking doors off, playing loud music etc...just go and get the paperwork started for eviction, plain and simple. No need to stoop to their level, just get it done.
^^^^^This and if this has become physical then file a report with the police and get a restraining order. Show them you mean business by doing things the legal way.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:19 PM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,498,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Goat: Obviously there's been a breakdown in this family. But when two adult sons laugh in their parents' faces and tell them to "shut the hell up" they are beyond counseling. People with that attitude do not sit and listen to a counselor. They don't even GO to the counselor. My guess is these two guys think they know everything and their parents are clueless dullards. (I'd also bet that they do not pay rent. They said they would to get what they wanted - back into the house - but stopped. I've seen it in other families.)
I don't disagree, I couldn't fathom getting to a point where my relationship with my kids was that hostile. Perhaps that's why I feel you should "give it one last try to fix it". Still though, you bring up a great point. Probably the best thing to do is get them out of the house all legal beagle like and then make an attempt to start repairing things.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:19 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMrsX View Post
^^^^^This and if this has become physical then file a report with the police and get a restraining order. Show them you mean business by doing things the legal way.
In my house the door removal and music would not be playing games. It would be the sign that Momma is really p***** and you better think twice and get your act together because it's going to get worse before it gets better.

(Though I am extremely grateful that all of this is just theory on my part. )
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:27 PM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,135,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
In my house the door removal and music would not be playing games. It would be the sign that Momma is really p***** and you better think twice and get your act together because it's going to get worse before it gets better.

(Though I am extremely grateful that all of this is just theory on my part. )
So true! But in this case I think the parents have been too soft on the upbringing of these children that as adults I fear they may retaliate in a way that may cause physical harm to them.

I tell you right now that if my boys ever came home and pulled 1/2 of the bs that these adult children have they be crapping my heels for weeks to come.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,054,517 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atl85 View Post
My wife and I have two sons, 23 and 27, who refuse to leave our house. Both are college graduates with marketable degrees, but they refuse to get real jobs. Both have earned quite a bit playing online poker and just laugh in our faces and tell us to shut the hell up when we tell them that gaming is not a way to earn a sustainable living.

We let the 27 year old move back in with us after graduating from a top school here in Georgia to help him establish himself. My other son had just started college and was living in the dorms. The son living with us had a part time job at Starbucks that he quit because he was "tired of making drinks all day." He had already started playing online poker, so he was able to supplement the income he had been making at Starbucks. We told him that if he was going to support himself by gambling that he needed to find a new place to live. He threw a huge tantrum, got in our faces, cursed us out, and dared us to kick him out. He and I got then got into a physical fight, before my wife jumped in and helped me pin him down until he calmed. He stormed out of the room and was gone the next day. Two days later I returned home from work to find him back in my house. He started sobbing saying that he was sorry and missed home. He promised to pay extra in rent, be more respectful, and move out within 6 months. I accepted. 6 years later he is still with us.

My other son moved directly into my house after school with no job. We told him that he had 4 months to find a job or else we would need for him to leave. He supposedly got a job at a local mall, but my wife and I found out that he had started successfully playing online poker and had been lying to us the whole time. My wife and I gave this son the same ultimatum we gave the older one, stop gambling or get out. He promised to stop gambling and find a job, which he told us he did but we do not believe. We believe he goes to his friends' homes to play when he tells us that he is at work.

My wife and I are at our wits in and cannot get our sons out of our house. On top of everything, they do not clean up behind themselves, they bring young "ladies" back to our house making all kinds of noise into the night, drink excessively and tear our belongings up, and sometimes come in from partying when my wife and I are getting ready for work.

We don't want to strain our relationships by getting the authorities involved, as we love our sons and have plenty of decent times. We are also getting older and may need to rely on our sons for help if our physical conditions warrant. But it is time for them to go. My wife and I are getting ready to retire and we do not need to spend our retirement dealing with this mess. How do we get them out in a non-confrontational manner?

OHMYGOD.

Your last hope at this point is some serious family counseling.

The level of dysfunction going on in your family is astounding.

Sadly, I highly doubt you could get your sons into a therapist office

Your next best bet is to make an appt for you and your spouse ASAP.

It is not to late to learn how to administer tough love.

And believe me, your kids are in sore need of it.

You have dropped the ball prior to now and are reaping what you have sown.

PLEASE, for their sakes and yours, get some professional help.
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:36 PM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,135,776 times
Reputation: 1941
Quote:
We don't want to strain our relationships by getting the authorities involved, as we love our sons and have plenty of decent times. We are also getting older and may need to rely on our sons for help if our physical conditions warrant
What gets me is this last sentence from the OP. Really? Do you really believe that your sons will want to take care of you if you were physically unable to take care of yourselves? Look at how they treat you now that you are capable and you expect them to take care of you when you can't take care of yourself? I find it hard to believe that these adult children would ever change and find it in their heart to take care of you and your wife. I think you and your wife may need to consider other options.


Love Mountains I agree this couple needs help and needs help quickly!
 
Old 01-11-2012, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,179 posts, read 9,115,151 times
Reputation: 9523
OP, if you honestly think that these spoiled selfish brats are ever going to take care of you and your wife, be prepared to join the ranks of the "elder abused".

When my son was 14, he was 'feeling his oats' and drew back his fist to strike me. I grabbed his arm and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. When his father came home from work, he told the boy - "You think you are an adult now and can hit women? Into the backyard..." where HE proceeded to beat the crap out of him. He even let the boy have the first punch. Needless to say, our son apologized to both of us AND his brother and sister - none of the kids in our family including our foster children ever raised their hand to us again - that story bcame a family legend.

Being 'nice' to these kids hoping they will care for you is extremely selfish and foolish. No one has the right to expect that their children take care of them. No. One. If they do it at all, it should be because they want to - because they respect and love and revere their parents and don't want to see them do without or suffer. Your kids are 'way past that... they are so completely self-involved that they think (KNOW) that you owe them, and will, for the rest of their lives. They don't care about you, they don't respect you, and they will do as they please because you let them. And the more you let them get away with this, the more they will push the envelope.

Get an attorney, find out your rights, and stop worrying about hurting the little shmucks' feelings. They don't care about hurting yours, taking advantage of you, and attempting to physically beat you and your wife down. Guess what the next step is? Unless you or your wife want to be the guest of honor at a funeral, you need to get these pusillanimous pipsqueaks out - NOW.
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