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Oh please, people. A 14 yr old boy doesn't have to learn that at home to do it. Most 14 yr old boys are little a-holes just by virtue of being 14 and male. Good thing that kid's father showed him consequences.
My friend's kid (usually a decent well-liked kid, but has bouts of a-holery) tried that crap. Friend told him to go ahead, and then he'll have to deal with his dad when he gets home. 14 yr old a-hole didn't do it, but he still had to deal with his dad because friend told his dad what transpired. Dad basically told 14 yr old a-hole that if he doesn't respect his own mother, he damn well better respect his dad's wife. Of course, dad is a man and not a wimp, and knows his first allegiance is to his SPOUSE.
Oh please, people. A 14 yr old boy doesn't have to learn that at home to do it. Most 14 yr old boys are little a-holes just by virtue of being 14 and male. Good thing that kid's father showed him consequences.
My friend's kid (usually a decent well-liked kid, but has bouts of a-holery) tried that crap. Friend told him to go ahead, and then he'll have to deal with his dad when he gets home. 14 yr old a-hole didn't do it, but he still had to deal with his dad because friend told his dad what transpired. Dad basically told 14 yr old a-hole that if he doesn't respect his own mother, he damn well better respect his dad's wife. Of course, dad is a man and not a wimp, and knows his first allegiance is to his SPOUSE.
Ideally, respect and non-violence would be on-going lessons throughout childhood so it wouldn't come to that during the teen years. A parent who has to use violence against their own child does not have that kid's respect and most likely never will. Someday that 14 yo will be 17 and will be bigger and stronger than mom and dad; and has now learned that punching is the way they solve problems in that family. That doesn't leave mom and dad in a good position, does it?
Ideally, respect and non-violence would be on-going lessons throughout childhood so it wouldn't come to that during the teen years. A parent who has to use violence against their own child does not have that kid's respect and most likely never will. Someday that 14 yo will be 17 and will be bigger and stronger than mom and dad; and has now learned that punching is the way they solve problems in that family. That doesn't leave mom and dad in a good position, does it?
Well, duh. Now which 14 yr old are you talking about?
OP, your sons are never going to take care of you in your dotage with the way things are now. But you can take care of you now and help them to learn some lessons - finally. First is: they don't own the house, they don't get to set the rules. They bring back girls and have noisy sex all night? Are you people out of your freakin' minds? Why would you let this go on in YOUR house? You barge into their room and order the girl out.
Second, stop giving ultimatums you are unwilling to enforce. You give ultimatums of "you must have a job" - ya rite. Why would you tell son #2 that when he already knows you won't enforce it with son #1? You are pushovers and patsies and you have taught your sons to disrespect everything you say because you have no spines and won't stand up for your own rights. You cower in your own house, like 2 little mice.
Their rooms are pigstyes? They make a mess in the kitchen and don't clean it? Oh hell no. They are out. Do you like living the way you are? Do you like being intimidated by your sons for whatever will happen in the future? They won't take care of you, they will let you rot so they can get their inheritance faster. They are leaches and worse. Kick them out now. 30 day notice my aunt fannie - 2 days to get their rooms clean. Dirty dishes, laundry on the floor of the bathroom just once and OUT! Call a locksmith. In fact, call the locksmith now and tell them the new rules are that they come home while the doors are unlocked and no overnight guests. If the doors are locked, they do not get a key to the new locks, then they can sleep wherever they want - lawn, garage, car.
OMG, what a mess you have made and now you're living with it. Grow a spine.
Well, duh. Now which 14 yr old are you talking about?
SC Granny's, or the one in your example. What difference does it make? I'm stunned that several posters think it is ok to beat up your own child. Granny didn't say she hit him once in self defense, or that she slapped him... she beat the crap out of him, and then her husband did the same. A parent could get arrested for that, and a child removed from the home and placed in foster care. I'm surprised so many people seem to think it is not only acceptable, but "good parenting."
SC Granny's, or the one in your example. What difference does it make? I'm stunned that several posters think it is ok to beat up your own child. Granny didn't say she hit him once in self defense, or that she slapped him... she beat the crap out of him, and then her husband did the same. A parent could get arrested for that, and a child removed from the home and placed in foster care. I'm surprised so many people seem to think it is not only acceptable, but "good parenting."
I agree with this. As a child who got more than just a spanking from my mother, I do not believe it is ok to beat your child into submission. There are many forms of discipline out there than can have a lasting and more positive effect for both the parent and child. But that is a whole 'nother topic.
I do wonder on how these children were raised and disciplined that they as adults have no respect for their parents?
I do agree with SCgranny's second half of the post though because I do not believe these adult children will ever change unless they get some sort of counseling and even that I do not believe these adult children would consider doing.
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Being 'nice' to these kids hoping they will care for you is extremely selfish and foolish. No one has the right to expect that their children take care of them. No. One.If they do it at all, it should be because they want to - because they respect and love and revere their parents and don't want to see them do without or suffer. Your kids are 'way past that... they are so completely self-involved that they think (KNOW) that you owe them, and will, for the rest of their lives. They don't care about you, they don't respect you, and they will do as they please because you let them. And the more you let them get away with this, the more they will push the envelope.
Get an attorney, find out your rights, and stop worrying about hurting the little shmucks' feelings. They don't care about hurting yours, taking advantage of you, and attempting to physically beat you and your wife down. Guess what the next step is? Unless you or your wife want to be the guest of honor at a funeral, you need to get these pusillanimous pipsqueaks out - NOW.
child abuse. He could have been removed from your home for that. Beating your child earns you no respect. The last paragraph I agree with, though. At this point, they are not going to take care of you (OP) in your old age. Don't count on that for a moment. Nothing you can do now will make the relationship any worse than it already is.
Oh, please. If the boy raised his hand to strike her, then her actions was self-defense. And the little brat got a lesson that Mom is a lot tougher than he thought. Bet he won't do that again.
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