Would you do what this frustrated mother did? (method, average, friends)

[eastwesteastagain]

I don't think I'd use this strategy myself; whether or not it would be effective is a big question. I am also not a fan of humiliating people. The action urge associated with shame is to hide or avoid. I could see someone making the argument that making the kid wear the sign is an opposite action - that is, not allowing him to hide the behavior. But another big part of what is required to effectively deal with shame is making a commitment not to engage in the behavior again and making repairs to the people you've hurt with the behavior (apologies, etc). I don't see the sign as addressing those components. It is also possible that shame is not what this kid was feeling.

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime

Good for her. I would have sent the kid to the show, "Beyond scared straight", but this is very good form of punishment. Who cares if it is humiliating to the kid? The kid humiliated himself by acting so poorly.

A good form of punishment perhaps, but a poor form of discipline. And I dare say it's lazy parenting - YEP! It's just wearing the disguise of active parenting ("She's standing out there with him!") So what? She's still just standing there!

If she really wants to show that she's taking responsibility for her son, she should put a sign on HERSELF that says "And I let him get that way".

[glass_of_merlot]

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

A good form of punishment perhaps, but a poor form of discipline. And I dare say it's lazy parenting - YEP! It's just wearing the disguise of active parenting ("She's standing out there with him!") So what? She's still just standing there!

If she really wants to show that she's taking responsibility for her son, she should put a sign on HERSELF that says "And I let him get that way".

How do you know she let him get that way?

[DewDropInn]

Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot

How do you know she let him get that way?

I always wonder about that attitude/opinion.

At my age I've seen more than one person with great parents, who did everything they could and everything they were "supposed" to do, be a total screw-up. I'd never blame the parents without knowing the situation.

[num1baby]

Originally Posted by DewDropInn

I always wonder about that attitude/opinion.

At my age I've seen more than one person with great parents, who did everything they could and everything they were "supposed" to do, be a total screw-up. I'd never blame the parents without knowing the situation.

I agree. I guess they way I see it is at least these parents are doing something to try to stop this behavior and not just sitting back and letting it get worse.

[lauramc27]

She said he broke the law again and they only gave him a few hours of community service. Sounds like she is trying to keep her son from going down a very bad road, so good for her. If that were my child and this wasn't the first time breaking the law, I might consider this.

[Bluesmama]

Originally Posted by num1baby

I have seen this a few times in the past. Parents making their kids wear signs because of selling drugs, stealing, bad grades, etc.

I am not sure how I feel about it. If the parents have tried everything they can think of to fix the situation, and this is a last ditch effort to change the behavior, I am strangely happy that they are doing it. To me, it means that they parents are really trying and not just giving up on their kids.

If this is just an easy out, then to me it is the same as any lazy parenting.

I like this post. Well-said.

[NEOhioBound]

Good for her I say. She is showing that she wants better for her son, that she hasn't given up and that she wants him to see how his actions are going to destroy him if he doesn't change

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by DewDropInn

I'd never blame the parents without knowing the situation.

I'd never put all the blame on the kid without knowing the situation either, though, which is the point. That's what everyone is supposed to assume when they see the sign, when more often than not there are a number of things their parent(s) did wrong too. But it's okay, she doesn't have to wear the sign I suggested; a good fraction of the parents who see her out there with her son like that are going to drawn that conclusion anyway.

If that were me, and I had the guts to put my son out there with a sign like that, I'd have the guts to take some of the blame in a similar fashion, even if I truly believed I did all I could to prevent it. It can only help! For one, it reminds parents that they should take more responsibility more quickly. Prevention over punishment, ALWAYS. Second, it fosters the notion in the child that he and the parent are in it together as a team. There's another reason kids go astray, they simply aren't close enough with their parents. And third, it'd keep me reminded that punishing your child after they do something wrong is not enough. Generally, you should take part of the blame as their parent. Passing it all to your kid is characteristic of a bad parent, sorry.

ETA: Fourth, anytime a kid feels like he can get some sympathy from an onlooker, it diminishes the chance of this punishment working. If both are wearing the sign, the kid is just as embarrassed but he cannot expect people to see him as a victim (which apparently has been happening in their situation).

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

3. Once you're known by so many people to be a certain type of person, is there really much point in changing? Even if this kid straightens up completely, his reputation may never recover, and that'll be made apparent to him soon.

I totally agree with this. Reform can become a more difficult uphill battle once society has negative opinions of a person.