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I think what the OP is trying to convey here is that he wishes he had the "small" things in life. The simple happy childhood type things.
I don't know any person who would enjoy what the OP was saying.
I sure wouldn't want to go to a gang infested high school, I would have wanted and did have the county fair type life.
And I think it's ridiculous to attack him so much.
"Rich posh suburb"???
I grew up in the burbs but it was a normal suburb, not rich and posh, just average and nice. My mom always had the peace of mind that when I went to ****** Days(edited to not show the name of my town) when it came into town for the weekend that if I was there till it closed or later that I was safe, which was 11pm or midnight.
I think he's just saying, don't let your kids miss out on being a kid, you can find cheap suburbs.
Everyone my mom's age and older talks about how this is the way there were raised, biking to the county fair, being independent at a young age, everyone knowing everyone, I don't see why you guys **** on the idea when someone young mentions it.
We moved our kids out of the city and across the state when they were ages 10 and 4. Not to a "rich posh suburb" either - to the rural outskirts of a very small town. Everybody knows everybody here, the schools are small, the teachers knew them by name, and they missed out on going to the gang infested high school back in the city (yes, it IS gang infested, worse now). There was room to hike and roam and untrafficked roads to bike safely. Fresh water lakes to swim in. A real drive-in movie theater only two miles away.
We visited the city for some "culture" throughout their lives - museums, zoos, historical areas. My oldest daughter lamented living in a "boring place" when she was in her mid teens (before she was 17 and got her first car anyway), but she now owns an old renovated farm house on acreage out in the country - in an even more remote area. She and her husband had a dose of urban life (he was also raised in the country) for three years, and they hated it.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 01-15-2012 at 12:57 PM..
I was never exposed to other cultures. I was 12 before I met someone who wasn't a white middle-class suburbanite.
I very rarely got to go to museums, zoos, theaters, etc. I got to go to ONE of those things every few years. It was so rare that I can remember those experiences vividly.
We had no public transportation. The nearest bus was miles away, only ran for a few hours each day and if you didn't catch the first bus of the day, you wouldn't get to any destination farther than 5 miles away before having to turn back to get back to your stop before the buses stopped running for the day.
Many of my friends lived too far away to ride my bike, so I had to depend on my mom to drive me to see them.
I could go on, but I think you get the point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
I grew up small town, in apartments but in suburby towns.
I was ALWAYS going to museums, the zoo, operyland, chattanooga, all the big attractions in Nashville, I was ALWAYS traveling. I have been to nearly 30 states, canada, I can navigate an air port blind folded.
I experienced MORE living in a smaller town than I do now.
How nice for you.
The point is, no place has EVERYTHING, and no one is exposed to everything.
I was raised in a suburb. It really wasn't even a suburb, just a suburb-like area of the one city, kind of a big farm town. We rarely left that area of town. I took the bus once on a field trip. We didn't have a subway. I didn't have a corner store I could walk to. Almost everyone was white. I had no concept of what the rest of my city was even like until I was an adult, and had to venture out for work. I'd say I was sheltered. Fortunately we traveled a bit so I did get some exposure to bigger cities and urban areas, but it isn't like living there.
I'm not saying one is better than the other, just different, and both lack certain things; and visiting to go to a museum isn't like living in the inner city.
I grew up small town, in apartments but in suburby towns.
I was ALWAYS going to museums, the zoo, operyland, chattanooga, all the big attractions in Nashville, I was ALWAYS traveling. I have been to nearly 30 states, canada, I can navigate an air port blind folded.
I experienced MORE living in a smaller town than I do now.
I don't know any person who would enjoy what the OP was saying.
The OP is from the Chicago suburbs. I'm pretty confident in stating anyone who grew up in the Cabrini-Green housing project in Chicago would think it was paradise.
I lived in a near suburb of Chicago most of my life, an area filled with tight lots, lots of pollution, low quality of living and close minded people. The funny thing is...I never noticed it until I went away to college. I used to think that the way I lived was "normal", I thought having metal on your doors was something that everybody had to do...and that kids across America had to be in by Sunset, because things were just to dangerous at night. It is only now that I realize how much I missed out on in my childhood, through my experiences at college. It wasn't until I met other people, that I realized how different my childhood had been.
When my roommate first told me the stories about how he was able to walk to the movie theatre after dark...I was shocked, never in my life had I heard of parents letting kids do such a thing. He followed it up with stories about the county fair, riding his bike to the other side of town, going to HS football games and not having to be patted down for weapons. I soon heard very similar stories from others I met, and thats when it hit me...I missed out on so much in life by living in an urban area. Sure, I learned the values of diversity and how to watch my back...but I never could walk to my friends house alone, go to the county fair or hang with friends for that extra hour after the sun fell. While I struggled to find friends at my gang infested High School, my roommate was enjoying his first kiss, while a kid in my chem class was lighting papers on fire, my roommate was learning the foundations of organic chemistry in his AP class. It hurts just thinking about it.
So whats my point to this? My message is for parents to reevaluate the communities your children are living in. If you live in an urban area, look around and make sure this is where you want your kids to grow up. It might be, or it might not...but make sure the conversation happens, so your child doesn't end up pondering what could have been years later.
Thanks
(I will be happy to make follow up comments, and answer any questions you might have)
Lost,
Thanks for posting this. I'm sorry you lived in an area like you did. It is wonderful though, that you were able to go to college and meet others who lived very different lives. It's amazing, isn't it, how you can live in the same country...even the same state or town and have such vastly different enviornments. Your parents are blessed to have you IMHO.
Yes, once you get away from home and go elsewhere, you find out more about others lived. Me? I was raised in UBER-SAFE USA! LOL Hearing how you lived...bars on the doors, in by dark, etc. oh man! I have had people ask me how I can live in a small town, very little to do, no big arcades for the kids, limited "outside" entertainment options, etc. It's SAFE. My kids can walk down the street safely, do not have to be in by dark. We have no bars on the windows. There are no pat downs or any form of "security" at the school. We have about 6 police officers and there are only a couple of them on duty at once. Some people say boring, I say...safe, peaceful, friendly, homey...nice.
You feel that you lost out because your parents couldn't afford to raise you in a posh, insulated suburb or exurb that was high-income, well-groomed and well-policed with all of the upper-middle-class amenities? What crumbs they were! If only they had worked harder, and been more affluent, you could have had a more comfortable and leisurely life, instead of the more common one that most people in America live.
Actually, if your parents had been wealthier, you could have had a more insulated lifestyle in Chicago, gone to a private school, had a car to drive to your friends' houses, or to some high-end recreation after school... Yes, your parents really did you wrong, son.
I think this is harsh and also not what the OP said. There was nothing in his post about income - perhaps his parents were rich yet chose to live in the city for other reasons. This thread is not about wealth, as you seem to think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
My kids were largely brought up in that type of idyllic town you wish you had had. It was wonderful for the reasons you mentioned.
But, they were far from anything cultural, museums, theater, concerts, even sporting events. They never learned how to navigate mass transit. They had little experience prior to high school with any families different from theirs.
Chicago may not have provided you with a big backyard, but surely there must have been positives for you.
Good post, Mattie. I hope the OP reads this and reflects back on the positives in his experiences - as there are many.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305
No one's childhood has everything. You didn't "miss out." You had different experiences than other people. you had "wonderful parents" who raised you in a neighborhood where they had roots. And, hey, the affluent suburbs are home to some pretty closed minded people too.
Same as with Mattie's post. You made some good points I hope the OP pays attention to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
different is not always better.
I traveled my whole life as father was career Army officer. I longed for cousins and family reuinons, and a home town. When I met people with the upbringing i so envied they told me tales of miserable family relations, forced get togethers and small minded people in their towns. They couldn't wait to get away. They envied me my travels, souvenirs of far away places and experiences they could never have.
We all seem to think the grass is greener. What is important is that you had a great family with love. Where that is really doesn't matter.
Absolutely NK. Something that young college students everywhere need to look at as they hear about, experience the larger world. Focus on what you DID have, what you DO have. Learn from those who had differences in upbringing; but don't automatically assume you were deprived.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick
I totally missed out being raised somewhere other than Paris, or Venice, Rome, Mykonos..I missed SO hard not being raised in the African jungles where they have like - wild animals and stuff. I mean wtf all I get is raccoons and the rare lost bear that comes down the mountain? Okay so we had a red-tailed hawk land in the squirrel nest two days ago. Big woop. It wasn't a PARROT, ya know? I missed out on that hard.
So you're older and more worldly and more appreciative of what you did have. I don't see the need to denigrate some young kid whose eyes have just been opened to a whole new way of seeing things. He's still in the "Wow!" stage and that's not a bad thing.
OP, I was raised in the suburbs of NYC - but my family had the means to expose me to other ways of living - family in the country to visit for extended periods and my grandmother took us to the city for cultural events. The thing is that no one location will give you all the experiences - and no one location is all disadvantageous. You have some special experiences only inner city can give; and now you have the opportunity to get the experiences you didn't have before. Don't compare you growing up to someone raised in the country or even suburbs - they are probably envious of the experiences and opportunities you had. Take what you have and expand upon it by incorporating the new.
I think this is harsh and also not what the OP said. There was nothing in his post about income - perhaps his parents were rich yet chose to live in the city for other reasons. This thread is not about wealth, as you seem to think.
Good post, Mattie. I hope the OP reads this and reflects back on the positives in his experiences - as there are many.
Same as with Mattie's post. You made some good points I hope the OP pays attention to.
Absolutely NK. Something that young college students everywhere need to look at as they hear about, experience the larger world. Focus on what you DID have, what you DO have. Learn from those who had differences in upbringing; but don't automatically assume you were deprived.
So you're older and more worldly and more appreciative of what you did have. I don't see the need to denigrate some young kid whose eyes have just been opened to a whole new way of seeing things. He's still in the "Wow!" stage and that's not a bad thing.
OP, I was raised in the suburbs of NYC - but my family had the means to expose me to other ways of living - family in the country to visit for extended periods and my grandmother took us to the city for cultural events. The thing is that no one location will give you all the experiences - and no one location is all disadvantageous. You have some special experiences only inner city can give; and now you have the opportunity to get the experiences you didn't have before. Don't compare you growing up to someone raised in the country or even suburbs - they are probably envious of the experiences and opportunities you had. Take what you have and expand upon it by incorporating the new.
I agree Annie. Not for one minute did I think that the OP was angry because of where they were raised. I remember that WOW feeling! Since I was raised in the country, on a farm, having chores, growing and canning food, making just about everything from scratch, leaving doors, cars and outbuildings unlocked, it was a REAL wow for me.
Like you, I had family who lived differently than we did and we visited with them occasionally. Those visits though, still didn't give me the whole picture, like talking to people who lived their whole lives in a city environment.
I had that wow feeling myself. Except my WOW was concerning the fact that he/she was talking about being raised in the suburbs of Chicago. First thing I thought was "Wow. He's lucky he didn't grow up in the projects or in parts of the South Side." (MUCH poorer, more crime ridden areas.)
I grew up small town, in apartments but in suburby towns.
I was ALWAYS going to museums, the zoo, operyland, chattanooga, all the big attractions in Nashville, I was ALWAYS traveling. I have been to nearly 30 states, canada, I can navigate an air port blind folded.
If your parents could afford to take you in the car, or on the plane to places distant from the suburb that you grew up in... that's wonderful. Irrelevant, though, to assessing the quality of life in that suburb itself, unless it speaks to the necessity of travelling far away from it in order to find anything entertaining to do with the kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
I experienced MORE living in a smaller town than I do now.
As you say above, your most memorable childhood entertainment, cultural, and educational opportunities came from vacations where your parents took you away from the suburb where you were living. Doesn't sound like it was that perfect.
Most suburbs designed for urban commuter families have the fatal flaw of expecting the homeowners to commute for every little thing... they have to jump in the car and drive 5 miles to the nearest big box mall with a grocery store just to get a quart of milk. Nothing to see around you but hundreds of streets of cookie-cutter houses. The only unusual buildings are the occasional elementary or high school building. Perhaps a church close to the highway, by the gas station. And there's plenty of not-so-ideal recreational activity going on in the suburbs too. There are messy divorces, alcohol and drug addiction, abuse, runaways, suicide, homicide, crime and corruption, those aren't limited to the Big City by any means. The cities may have a worse gang issue, but the wife-swapping organizations aren't as prolific there either... And as for those county fairs everyone keeps mentioning... they are losing money nowadays for the most part, and are closing up for good. Ottawa's went kaput a couple of years ago, after being in existence for about a century. Suburban kids prefer to sit at home and play video games nowadays, I suppose.
I can appreciate that some people in America really had the Norman Rockwell-kind of childhood. Most of the time, unfortunately, I think it's just fantasizing about an America that never existed for very many people. It's too bad the OP issued an open call to parents to have a "conversation" about raising junior in a more remote suburb so that junior has less resentment towards Ma and Pa for their lifestyle later on. Most parents don't have the bucks for that.
..but make sure the conversation happens, so your child doesn't end up pondering what could have been years later.
Thanks
(I will be happy to make follow up comments, and answer any questions you might have)
I do have a question:
Who is supposed to have this "conversation"?
Mom and Dad with each other? The parent with their child.?
"Hey, Junior. I don't want you to grow up all upset with the fact that we have a security door, so maybe you can tell me where you want to live?"
Is that the conversation?
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