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Old 01-17-2012, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,705,989 times
Reputation: 11309

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Momma - Actually I do know one person who did exactly that, and many, who do not do those things enough.

I know of a man who had a 14 year old who was out of control. He was sexually active with older girls,(not old enough to be of concern to the police - 16-17, out of school with babies!) brushes with the law for "minor offenses", such as breaking and entering an abandoned building, throwing a snow ball at a passing car, carrying a controlled substance on to school grounds etc.

This was a nice man. Well educated and well connected. He was an attorney and, I think that if the boy's father had NOT been so wealthy, he would have been arrested. (BTW I do NOT think that this would have been a good outcome)

I suggested that he send him to a therapeutic boarding school. He didn't want to because he didn't want to take his son away from his friends!
The man blamed these very friends for the son's behavior!

(I of course did not, I have always thought that people seek others who are the same as them. I also pointed out to this man, that these were only the times this kid was caught!)

The boy treated his father like a "human ATM machine." When he wanted money, he was nice-ish. Otherwise he was vulgar surely and mean.

This man's greatest fear "That if I come down on him, I will lose my son" I had to bite my tongue because it was obvious that that ship had sailed a long time ago.

The boy went to college, flunked out (he was very smart) transferred to a community college, flunked out, asked his father for his inheritance, he gave him ten thousand dollars, went out to California, drifted to Seattle, and calls when he needs money. If his father is reluctant to send it he calls him names! He also fathered a child in Seatle and his credit is ruined. The father knows this because they have the same name and he receives calls from creditors for the son.

This man and his wife are NOT raising there younger kids this way.

I LOVE my children! I do not want this to happen to them!

It is not ONLY ABOUT DISCIPLINE it is also about doing things together as a family, enriching activities, family trips (and yes you do have to go!) museum visits, helping out around the house - all of the above!
Scary story.

Let me tell you where the train wreck starts. The moment parents go to school blaming the teacher for poor grades.

The game of acceptance starts right there. My son needs proper guidance. The teacher is not doing his/her job. It's rocket science to decipher that the brains aren't assimilating the details owing to one million reasons happening at home
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:35 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,602 posts, read 21,797,274 times
Reputation: 44463
Quote:
Originally Posted by ja1myn View Post
Children are a reflection of how they are raised. Also, what may be considered disrespectful to you, may not be disrespectful to other parents.

Very true! However there are things that are disrespectful - every where!

Like interrupting, demanding, walking out of the room while your parent is speaking, using profanity, going into your parents room and taking something without asking (and no, I do not enter their rooms without knocking take their stuff and break or lose it, etc)

Let's STOP SPLITTING HAIRS!

If a teacher would regard it as disrespectful, you should.

Want to set the bar higher? Your business.

Setting it lower? Societies business.
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,229,321 times
Reputation: 2387
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
My mistake, I was distracted. I am not permissive. I am not authoritarian.
I AM authoritative.

Sorry for the confusion. It was my mistake.
No apology needed.

I'm authoritative as well. A lot of posters on this board are, too. There are a lot of different ways to fit into that parenting style classification, though.

Last edited by JustJulia; 01-17-2012 at 04:43 PM..
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:43 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Momma - Actually I do know one person who did exactly that, and many, who do not do those things enough.

I know of a man who had a 14 year old who was out of control. He was sexually active with older girls,(not old enough to be of concern to the police - 16-17, out of school with babies!) brushes with the law for "minor offenses", such as breaking and entering an abandoned building, throwing a snow ball at a passing car, carrying a controlled substance on to school grounds etc.

This was a nice man. Well educated and well connected. He was an attorney and, I think that if the boy's father had NOT been so wealthy, he would have been arrested. (BTW I do NOT think that this would have been a good outcome)

I suggested that he send him to a therapeutic boarding school. He didn't want to because he didn't want to take his son away from his friends!
The man blamed these very friends for the son's behavior!

(I of course did not, I have always thought that people seek others who are the same as them. I also pointed out to this man, that these were only the times this kid was caught!)

The boy treated his father like a "human ATM machine." When he wanted money, he was nice-ish. Otherwise he was vulgar surely and mean.

This man's greatest fear "That if I come down on him, I will lose my son" I had to bite my tongue because it was obvious that that ship had sailed a long time ago.

The boy went to college, flunked out (he was very smart) transferred to a community college, flunked out, asked his father for his inheritance, he gave him ten thousand dollars, went out to California, drifted to Seattle, and calls when he needs money. If his father is reluctant to send it he calls him names! He also fathered a child in Seatle and his credit is ruined. The father knows this because they have the same name and he receives calls from creditors for the son.

This man and his wife are NOT raising there younger kids this way.

I LOVE my children! I do not want this to happen to them!

It is not ONLY ABOUT DISCIPLINE it is also about doing things together as a family, enriching activities, family trips (and yes you do have to go!) museum visits, helping out around the house - all of the above!
What about the rest of them? After all if all kids are "messed up" and it is all because parents have abdicated their authority over their kids where are the rest of these messed up kids?

I don't see many kids like this in my life. I know a few but not many. Most teens I come into contact with (my kids are teens) are nice kids with goals, hope and dreams. I don't buy into the "kids today are messed up" line of thinking.

BTW-why wouldn't I want to go on family trips? We have traveled with our kids all over the US, and Canada as well as South America, Europe and the Caribbean. That doesn't mean we haven't taken a few trips without the kids.
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,705,989 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
What about the rest of them? After all if all kids are "messed up" and it is all because parents have abdicated their authority over their kids where are the rest of these messed up kids?

I don't see many kids like this in my life. I know a few but not many. Most teens I come into contact with (my kids are teens) are nice kids with goals, hope and dreams. I don't buy into the "kids today are messed up" line of thinking.

BTW-why wouldn't I want to go on family trips? We have traveled with our kids all over the US, and Canada as well as South America, Europe and the Caribbean. That doesn't mean we haven't taken a few trips without the kids.
You need to come out of the woods more often, momma bear

Ok, seriously, you didn't get to come across the Occupy Wall Street train wreck youth. All I have to say is - kudos to the wonderful parents who raised them

Wonderful kiddies still living at home well into the 20s and 30s.

Online poker, anyone?
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:13 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,369,225 times
Reputation: 1944
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Having no friends, depression, isolation, financial ruination, despair, criminal activity, inability to form lasting relationships with others, lack of creativity,substance abuse, possibly incarceration.

I love my children way too much to want any of this for them.
You're children are lucky to have you as a mother.

However, what you described above is a very common thing to see amongst adults?
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:17 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
You need to come out of the woods more often, momma bear

Ok, seriously, you didn't get to come across the Occupy Wall Street train wreck youth. All I have to say is - kudos to the wonderful parents who raised them

Wonderful kiddies still living at home well into the 20s and 30s.

Online poker, anyone?
Oh for goodness' sake, Ant. I'm sure all the old farts who were around during the free love hippy days said the same thing. And who raised them? Some of the most authoritarian and NON permissive parents in existence.

And, you're too young to be such an old fart. Honestly.

As for the arts and artists corrupting the youth of today, they're writing/singing/making movies about stuff that's already happening - it's a very rare occurrence indeed that they're actually influencing it.

Although they'd love to think that's what they're doing, they aren't. They're merely another vehicle through which humanity documents it's history. And just about everyone can tell the difference between real life and stories. Even kids.
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:27 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
You need to come out of the woods more often, momma bear

Ok, seriously, you didn't get to come across the Occupy Wall Street train wreck youth. All I have to say is - kudos to the wonderful parents who raised them

Wonderful kiddies still living at home well into the 20s and 30s.

Online poker, anyone?
Why don't you just call me a liar?

I know young adults that have graduated from college who are having problems finding professional jobs, but that is a function of the job market. Most of them have kept the job they had in college. The slow job market here in FL is more of a problem than kids that are "messed up". Trust me, they want to move out and get a start on their lives.
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:51 PM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,959,157 times
Reputation: 14414
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Very true! However there are things that are disrespectful - every where!

Like interrupting, demanding, walking out of the room while your parent is speaking, using profanity, going into your parents room and taking something without asking (and no, I do not enter their rooms without knocking take their stuff and break or lose it, etc)

Let's STOP SPLITTING HAIRS!

If a teacher would regard it as disrespectful, you should.

Want to set the bar higher? Your business.

Setting it lower? Societies business.
Once again, you hit the nail on the head--very well stated

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
What about the rest of them? After all if all kids are "messed up" and it is all because parents have abdicated their authority over their kids where are the rest of these messed up kids?

I don't see many kids like this in my life. I know a few but not many. Most teens I come into contact with (my kids are teens) are nice kids with goals, hope and dreams. I don't buy into the "kids today are messed up" line of thinking.

BTW-why wouldn't I want to go on family trips? We have traveled with our kids all over the US, and Canada as well as South America, Europe and the Caribbean. That doesn't mean we haven't taken a few trips without the kids.
This post makes me realize how out of touch some are; just because YOU don't see or know kids that are out of control doesn't mean everything's peachy. I know many good, kind, respectful, successful kids that were raised right; I also know some fu#ked up kids that were from the start a handful that the parents never disciplined.
And just because you think you know what your kids are up to doesn't mean you actually do. I know many parents personally that are totally unaware of what their own kids are posting on Facebook, etc. Drinking, partying, raunchy activities....unless you're monitoring them 24/7 you've got no idea
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:59 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
Reputation: 31056
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Once again, you hit the nail on the head--very well stated



This post makes me realize how out of touch some are; just because YOU don't see or know kids that are out of control doesn't mean everything's peachy. I know many good, kind, respectful, successful kids that were raised right; I also know some fu#ked up kids that were from the start a handful that the parents never disciplined.
And just because you think you know what your kids are up to doesn't mean you actually do. I know many parents personally that are totally unaware of what their own kids are posting on Facebook, etc. Drinking, partying, raunchy activities....unless you're monitoring them 24/7 you've got no idea
Conversely, just because you know some kids with some issues doesn't mean it is a bigger problem now than it was 10, 20, 50 years ago.
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