U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:24 AM
 
Location: here
24,483 posts, read 28,837,213 times
Reputation: 31077

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Wow. I expected to come back to one or two posts....not 8 pages.

I agree with you that society cannot validate our personal choices. Either we are happy with them or we are not. I asked the question because I see, over and over, SAHM's who want society to recognize them and I don't get it. Dads and working moms don't ask for recognition for what they do as parents. The only people I'm worried about acknowledging what I do at home are my family. Theirs is the only opinion that matters as home is where our private lives happen.

When I was home with my step son, I never thought that anyone owed me recognition for that. I just wanted dh to appreciate the clean house he came home to and the meals I cooked and the kids to appreciate the more laid back lifestyle we had because I was home. But I keep running into SAHM's who want the world to pat them on the back as if SAH is some special kind of parenting...I don't get it. To quote dh "WM's do what SAHM's do in 40 fewer hours per week". All of us spend the majority of our time home and home is the center of our lives. Why does spending 40 more hours at home change anything? All it did for me, when I was home, was make it easier to get the chores done and I had more leisure time. I don't get why anyone would think that a decision to make life easier on yourself and your family should be applauded by anyone other than your family.

And, to put things in context, my dil is one of these SAHM's who thinks she deserves a pat on the back for SAH. I think she's lucky they can afford for her to be home and not sure why she'd think that anyone should pat her on the back for being lucky enough not to need to work. It would be nice not to work. It was nice not to work when I've had the opportunity not to work. I always thought that not having to work was it's own reward. I didn't do it for society so I never expected society to recognize me for staying home. I did it because circumstances demanded I do it and, later, worked part time because I was lucky enough to be able to afford to. Other than that, I have been unemployed and, while the stress of job hunting isn't nice, not having to work for a long stretch was. It was nice to have time to keep the house clean, to finish projects, to shop bargains, to get rested, to read a book.... I felt lucky (we still had dh's income to fall back on, and we had savings, so we could weather a long stretch of unemployment for one of us. I realizes others who are unemployed might not feel lucky to have the time off. This is just how it worked for me.)
Who? Where? What specifically do you keep seeing?

Maybe your dil doesn't want the world to recognize what she does. maybe she just wants her own family members to realize how hard it is to take care of 5 kids all day "some" of them quite obviously do not.

You've said it over and over and over again - working moms do everything SAHMs do. They DO NOT. I'm not saying one is easier or one is better. They are different. Instead of making snacks and lunches and cleaning up the messes and doing the dishes, and having kids walk dirt into the house all day, and drag toys out and leave them, etc. a WM comes home to a clean house at the end of the day. Your DIL probably runs her a$$ off all day, and you probably treat her like she sits on it. THAT is your issue.

rkb0305

Last edited by Kibbiekat; 01-19-2012 at 09:25 AM.. Reason: typo

 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,694,624 times
Reputation: 19417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Who? Where? What specifically do you keep seeing?

Maybe your dil doesn't want the world to recognize what she does. maybe she just wants her own family members to realize how hard it is to take care of 5 kids all day "some" of them quite obviously do not.

You've said it over and over and over again - working moms do everything SAHMs do. They DO NOT. I'm not saying one is easier or one is better. They are different. Instead of making snacks and lunches and cleaning up the messes and doing the dishes, and having kids walk dirt into the house all day, and drag toys out and leave them, etc. a WM comes home to a clean house at the end of the day. Your DIL probably runs her a$$ off all day, and you probably treat her like she sits on it. THAT is your issue.

rkb0305
It's just my personal opinion here, but I think it's a whole lot more of an "internal conscience conflict" here, coupled with some serious jealousy/envy. Good grief, it is what it IS. Some moms work, some stay at home. If you don't want to stay home with the kids, go to work. If you don't need or want to work outside the home, stay at home.

If you're living off of the system and/or your kids are going hungry or are dependent on the rest of society to support them, you ought to go to work. If you don't need the money in order to survive, stay home so that a job is available for someone who DOES need to work. Wow, what could be more simple?

It's funny....the older I get, the more I realize that the most defensive folks are the ones who are the most judgemental.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:48 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,433,667 times
Reputation: 22278
Anyone who lets others (society, the media) define their individual value and worth is going to live life as a very unhappy person, indeed.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,694,624 times
Reputation: 19417
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Anyone who lets others (society, the media) define their individual value and worth is going to live life as a very unhappy person, indeed.
Exactly! Can't rep you again, yet..... Who cares who's saying what? I mean, I do have an opinion when it comes to parents who choose to live on welfare instead of working to support their own children. However, if a parent chooses to be a homemaker, while the other one works, who freakin' cares? If it's what the family wants, or what works best for that family, it's their business, not someone else's.

If there isn't some sort of envy/jealousy going on, why would a person even feel the need to think about what someone else is doing?....much less have an opinion on it!? Why would you make it your business, how someone else is choosing to live their life?
 
Old 01-19-2012, 10:24 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,267,286 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
You've said it over and over and over again - working moms do everything SAHMs do. They DO NOT.
Things that I don't do or struggle to do now that I WOH:
- Supplement education when needed, which for my son is a lot (Gifted / LD).
- Get them into the extra curricular activities that they would like.
- Go to the library to get new reading material as often as they would like. They go once every other week at school and are only allowed to take out one book!
- Visit museums like EVER anymore
- Read together as often.
- Cook together.
- Go into the classroom to teach science.
- Go into the school for many of the parent events.




Quote:
They are different. Instead of making snacks and lunches and cleaning up the messes and doing the dishes, and having kids walk dirt into the house all day, and drag toys out and leave them, etc. a WM comes home to a clean house at the end of the day. Your DIL probably runs her a$$ off all day, and you probably treat her like she sits on it. THAT is your issue.

rkb0305
This is WAY true. Living in the house makes it messy. Our house has no one in it to mess it up.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 10:25 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,511,890 times
Reputation: 5024
For goodness sakes, who cares what other people think?

I think there's a real lack of maturity if you allow other people to influence the way you feel about what you do every day. As long as it works for you, what does it matter?
 
Old 01-19-2012, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,314 posts, read 4,833,815 times
Reputation: 2981
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Things that I don't do or struggle to do now that I WOH:
- Supplement education when needed, which for my son is a lot (Gifted / LD).
- Get them into the extra curricular activities that they would like.
- Go to the library to get new reading material as often as they would like. They go once every other week at school and are only allowed to take out one book!
- Visit museums like EVER anymore
- Read together as often.
- Cook together.
- Go into the classroom to teach science.
- Go into the school for many of the parent events.






This is WAY true. Living in the house makes it messy. Our house has no one in it to mess it up.
I know it's not on topic but a 1 book limit is insane!
 
Old 01-19-2012, 10:33 AM
 
11,617 posts, read 19,777,687 times
Reputation: 12056
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Some moms work, some stay at home. If you don't want to stay home with the kids, go to work. If you don't need or want to work outside the home, stay at home.
Right! And if you want to change what you are doing, you can. Choosing one thing for a certain number of years does not mean you cannot change course at some point. I truly do not understand why people get so worked up over this.

It is up to the adults in the family to decide how the adult roles should be filled. There is more than one (or even two) ways that this can be done. As long as the family is functioning well, supporting itself, and the members of the family are happy why would ANYONE ELSE CARE?
 
Old 01-19-2012, 12:14 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,482,964 times
Reputation: 4430
Interesting how this topic so often comes up yet the most obvious thing rarely gets brought up.

When someone is ragging on another about their choice it almost always is due to a feeling that is not realized or acknowledge. This can be lack of confidence in their own choice being the right one, jealousy over not having made that other choice, anger they are not getting what they thought they were with their choice, guilt due to second guessing their choice or sadness for not having a choice.

It does not matter one bit what choice it is - it is how confident, satisfied, happy and content in the choice you made that makes the difference.

If the things above are not in the right place, only you can change it by actions taken, not by venting about others choices. Life is most often what you make of it.....
 
Old 01-19-2012, 12:29 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,433,667 times
Reputation: 22278
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
Interesting how this topic so often comes up yet the most obvious thing rarely gets brought up.

When someone is ragging on another about their choice it almost always is due to a feeling that is not realized or acknowledge. This can be lack of confidence in their own choice being the right one, jealousy over not having made that other choice, anger they are not getting what they thought they were with their choice, guilt due to second guessing their choice or sadness for not having a choice.

It does not matter one bit what choice it is - it is how confident, satisfied, happy and content in the choice you made that makes the difference.

If the things above are not in the right place, only you can change it by actions taken, not by venting about others choices. Life is most often what you make of it.....
Absolutely. Great observation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top