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Old 01-20-2012, 09:58 AM
 
20,018 posts, read 10,680,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.

Can anyone explain this?
I support all parents who take the time to teach values and morality to their kids. If they have to work I support that. If they can stay at home, I support that.

There is no owners manual for parenting and nothing irritates me more than people who judge other parents.

 
Old 01-20-2012, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,705,191 times
Reputation: 19417
Quote:
Originally Posted by PullMyFinger View Post
I support all parents who take the time to teach values and morality to their kids. If they have to work I support that. If they can stay at home, I support that.

There is no owners manual for parenting and nothing irritates me more than people who judge other parents.
What I don't understand is where she's coming up with the notion that SAHMs think that society should hold them above all other moms!....or that society DOES hold SAHMs above working moms! If society DID hold SAHMs in such high esteem, they wouldn't constantly be having to DEFEND their choice!
 
Old 01-20-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,416 posts, read 1,176,775 times
Reputation: 3289
Default sheesh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
No, I'm looking to understand why some SAHM's are this way. It doesn't seem logical to me and it appears that they are tearing down others, solely, for the purpose of building themselves, up from the outside looking in. Their mantra seems self edifying. What I'm really trying to do is figure out how to deal with the ones I'm related to.

In the past, SAH did revolve around housework. That's WHY moms SAH. That and the fact they had little control over when they got pregnant and how many kids they had. Moms never stayed home for the kids, in the past. That concept is new to the last half century. Life didn't used to revolve around the kids. It revolved around the work to be done. Moms (actually wives not just moms) stayed home because someone had to hold down the fort and there was enough work to fill the day from before sun up to after sun down. Today, we live lives of leisure compared to women in the past even with full time jobs. Our foremothers worked their fingers to the bone. I don't know how they did all they did. I guess when you don't have a choice you just do it.

Housework should be part of SAH simply because a SAHM is the one home to do it. Housework was what SAH revolved around for centuries. Now we have modern conveniences to do 90% of that work for us. So, you're right that SAH doesn't revolve around housework as it can't really revolve around something that takes so little time these days given all the time SAHM's have at home. So now SAH, appears, for some, to revolve around the kids. Which is something SAH never did before. Mom didn't have time for that back in my grandmother's day. So I'm puzzled as to why some SAHM's are so convinced that life MUST be that way now...to the point they'll say things like "Why bother having kids if you're just going to put them in daycare?". Given that today's working mom spends more time with her kids than a 1970's SAHM, that attitude doesn't seem logical. It seems self serving.
Insecure people tear others down to build themselves up.

I was a Stay at home mom, and am now a stay at home wife. I did not stay home to do house work. I had and still have a maid to do that. I stayed home for my son and my husband. Some moms have to try so hard and so long to have a child that they cannot fathom putting them into daycare.

There are all kinds of people in the world, including Engineers, and teachers who work long hard hours and enjoy what they do, and there are other people in the world , including Engineers and teachers, who do not like their jobs, complain, and tear down other life choices to make themselves feel better about their choices. This also includes some stay at home moms--I would suspect a young mom staying home with five kids would be somewhat stressed and feel that she needed some recognition. Hopefully her parents and husband would give her that.

Get over it Ivory. Why is it a crusade for you to rag on SAHM's. are you unhappy with your choices of marriage, career, and kids??? Everything can be changed if you wish.
 
Old 01-20-2012, 10:36 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,516,363 times
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Oh who cares. Why is the OP letting this bother her if she feels secure in her decisions?

Who cares?!

Sorry just had to get that in one more time.
 
Old 01-20-2012, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,416 posts, read 1,176,775 times
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Default exactly

Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
Oh who cares. Why is the OP letting this bother her if she feels secure in her decisions?

Who cares?!

Sorry just had to get that in one more time.

exactly
 
Old 01-20-2012, 01:04 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,478,329 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
When you start questioning why other women had kids because they made a choice you don't like, you need to get off your high horse.
Well, the one you're riding looks to be about 19 hands high and could plow a 40 acre field in one afternoon.
 
Old 01-20-2012, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,705,191 times
Reputation: 19417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yes, I'm judgemental about people who are judgemental. How anyone thinks they are high and mighty enough to question whether someone else should have had kids is beyond me. That takes arrogance to the nth degree. I'm not the one with the problem.

Unfortunately, statements like that are made because the person making them wants to feel superior. So yes, it's self edifying BS. When you start questioning why other women had kids because they made a choice you don't like, you need to get off your high horse.
How anyone thinks they are high and mighty enough to question whether or not someone should have kids and not work outside the home, is beyond me. How anyone thinks they know just how much or how little work is involved in keeping up someone else's house and home, is beyond me.

It's pure arrogance that causes someone to say, "I can work a full day and still do everything YOU spend all day doing". Many moms/wives who stay at home DO get taken for granted. Hell, I got taken for granted when I was working full time AND keeping up the house. THAT is the one of the reasons I QUIT working outside the home, full time! I am one of those moms who DOES have a full-time job IN the home, as do a whole lot of other mothers who stay at home! Do I deserve a pat on the back? Yeah I do! Every mom who works her tail off, whether it be at work and home or simply at home, deserves a pat on the back.

Why can't we simply just pat each other on the back, instead of constantly comparing and judging?
 
Old 01-20-2012, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,821,951 times
Reputation: 14503
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
Oh who cares. Why is the OP letting this bother her if she feels secure in her decisions?

Who cares?!

Sorry just had to get that in one more time.
Back to the OP...I'm asking because I have to deal with a relative who is like this. This has nothing to do with security WRT my choices. I'm trying to understand the variety of SAHM who think they deserve special accolades for being SAHM's. This relative thinks that society should pat her on the back for staying home. If I weren't related to her, I'd just laugh and walk away because it's pretty silly when you think of it.

I hate to cut her kids out of our lives but there comes a point when you cut your losses and just axe people like her. Unfortunately, nothing here has helped me either understand her or to deal with her. I don't need people like her in my life.
 
Old 01-20-2012, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,821,951 times
Reputation: 14503
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
How anyone thinks they are high and mighty enough to question whether or not someone should have kids and not work outside the home, is beyond me. How anyone thinks they know just how much or how little work is involved in keeping up someone else's house and home, is beyond me.

It's pure arrogance that causes someone to say, "I can work a full day and still do everything YOU spend all day doing". Many moms/wives who stay at home DO get taken for granted. Hell, I got taken for granted when I was working full time AND keeping up the house. THAT is the one of the reasons I QUIT working outside the home, full time! I am one of those moms who DOES have a full-time job IN the home, as do a whole lot of other mothers who stay at home! Do I deserve a pat on the back? Yeah I do! Every mom who works her tail off, whether it be at work and home or simply at home, deserves a pat on the back.

Why can't we simply just pat each other on the back, instead of constantly comparing and judging?
Actually, we all know what it takes to keep up a house/home. We all do it. Unfortunately, even working doesn't obsolve us of having to keep up our homes. Fortunately, we get to choose the standard we like.

Research, however, puts housework at about 21 hours per week. Not surprisingly, mom does the pigs share whether she works or not. Dh's of WM's do about 7 more hours per week than dh's of SAHM's. Which makes me really glad I was born in a time when modern conveniences take care of 90% of the work women used to have to do. That is something to celebrate. I don't think I could handle working like my grandmother did.

Why does anyone deserve a pat on the back here? I don't think I'm owed one for being a WM. My paycheck is my thanks for working and my home and family my thanks for what I do at home. Why do I need a pat on the back from someone else? Or why would I pat someone else on the back for their life? The people I pat on the back are the ones who improve my life. I really don't care what goes on in your house and you shouldn't care what goes on in mine. These are personal choices and should be kept personal. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with a relative who doesn't think that way. I hate to write her and her kids off but I've read nothing here that helps the situation one iota and I'm at a loss for how to deal with a SAHM who thinks society should pat her on the back for being a SAHM. I have no idea what make her so arrogant but I don't need people like her in my life.
 
Old 01-20-2012, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,237,905 times
Reputation: 2387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Back to the OP...I'm asking because I have to deal with a relative who is like this. This has nothing to do with security WRT my choices. I'm trying to understand the variety of SAHM who think they deserve special accolades for being SAHM's. This relative thinks that society should pat her on the back for staying home. If I weren't related to her, I'd just laugh and walk away because it's pretty silly when you think of it.
Since your relative is the one you are having this difficulty with, why not just ask her?
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