Parenting choices and respect (ideas, adult, leave, outgrow)
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Have you considered that you may unintentionally belittle her decision to stay home? If your conversations with her sound anything like your threads, my guess is that you've insulted her whether you're aware of it or not. So perhaps she's trying to justify her position to you because you've hurt her feelings?
Back to the OP...I'm asking because I have to deal with a relative who is like this. This has nothing to do with security WRT my choices. I'm trying to understand the variety of SAHM who think they deserve special accolades for being SAHM's. This relative thinks that society should pat her on the back for staying home. If I weren't related to her, I'd just laugh and walk away because it's pretty silly when you think of it.
I hate to cut her kids out of our lives but there comes a point when you cut your losses and just axe people like her. Unfortunately, nothing here has helped me either understand her or to deal with her. I don't need people like her in my life.
Ivory, have you tried giving her a pat on the back? You say that is what she wants. I would do that for family members.
Actually, we all know what it takes to keep up a house/home. We all do it. Unfortunately, even working doesn't obsolve us of having to keep up our homes.
Thanks GOD it does. I finally allowed a friend of mine to convince me to hire a house keeper. Best money I spend.
Why does anyone deserve a pat on the back here?I don't think I'm owed one for being a WM. My paycheck is my thanks for working and my home and family my thanks for what I do at home. Why do I need a pat on the back from someone else? Or why would I pat someone else on the back for their life? The people I pat on the back are the ones who improve my life. I really don't care what goes on in your house and you shouldn't care what goes on in mine. These are personal choices and should be kept personal. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with a relative who doesn't think that way. I hate to write her and her kids off but I've read nothing here that helps the situation one iota and I'm at a loss for how to deal with a SAHM who thinks society should pat her on the back for being a SAHM. I have no idea what make her so arrogant but I don't need people like her in my life.
Ok, Ivory, come on now. You yourself think you as a teacher deserve more respect than you get. You're not content with your "my paycheck is my thanks" philosophy.
In that regard, you're just like everybody else who feels undervalued. It's very difficult to have a discussion if you're just going to be disingenuous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler The solution would be to do what they have done in other countries. Make teaching an elite, selective and desired career choice. In Asia, teacher is a deeply respected title. One that is earned and paid accordingly. Their teachers work fewer hours than US teachers, have more time for collaboration, tutoring and planning and do not take the public beating our teachers do.
I do agree that unhappy teachers don't help but most teachers don't take their unhappiness into the classroom. It is in our classrooms where we get to do what we really want to do. Most of us save our complaints for when we're in the company of adults or on boards like this one where we can hide behind screen names.
If my teachers were unhappy, I didn't know it. I don't think most of our students can tell who is happy with their career choice or who isn't. You see, the classroom is our element. Our real struggles, with the career, are outside the classroom. The blame we get, the stress, the disrespect, etc, etc, etc...
Just swap teacher for Mom. You sound just like the people you're complaining about.
Back to the OP...I'm asking because I have to deal with a relative who is like this. This has nothing to do with security WRT my choices. I'm trying to understand the variety of SAHM who think they deserve special accolades for being SAHM's. This relative thinks that society should pat her on the back for staying home. If I weren't related to her, I'd just laugh and walk away because it's pretty silly when you think of it.
I hate to cut her kids out of our lives but there comes a point when you cut your losses and just axe people like her. Unfortunately, nothing here has helped me either understand her or to deal with her. I don't need people like her in my life.
But thats the thing Ivory, you should have just walked away and not let it eat you to the point I feel that you have a skewed view of SAHMs. Your one experience or many (it does not matter) should not become this whole tirade against SAHMs. IMO I think you and this relative are too much alike in personality and will continue to clash.
I will admit that there are yummy mummy clubs that think this way but these are cliques formed by friends and acquaintances who have been this way since they walked out the womb. It has nothing to do with them as a SAHM, its just the way they are. I do not participate in groups or people like that because they measure life by the size of wallets, houses, cars and whether or not little Petey potty trained and can play Chopin by the age of 8 months. You are who you associate with and you do not have to associate with those types of people if you do not wish. Also those type of clubs and SAHMS are truly the minority, they do not speak for the majority of SAHMs here or IRL. That is a fact.
Its like Vicki Gunvalson from the Real Housewives of Orange County or Kate Goesling becoming the spokespersons for WM and saying all women are like me! No they are not and most women will never aspire or want to be like that. These women do not represent all of America or the world for that matter.
I think you need to take a deep breath and take a step back, evaluate what you can do to make your relationship with your DIL better instead of looking down at her and judging her for just being who she is. I do not think it has anything to do with being a SAHM and more of the case you just do not like her, point blank.
Ok, Ivory, come on now. You yourself think you as a teacher deserve more respect than you get. You're not content with your "my paycheck is my thanks" philosophy.
In that regard, you're just like everybody else who feels undervalued. It's very difficult to have a discussion if you're just going to be disingenuous.
Just swap teacher for Mom. You sound just like the people you're complaining about.
Awesome post! The bolded is why I try to treat my loved ones well, even if they are less that perfect.
Back to the OP...I'm asking because I have to deal with a relative who is like this. This has nothing to do with security WRT my choices. I'm trying to understand the variety of SAHM who think they deserve special accolades for being SAHM's. This relative thinks that society should pat her on the back for staying home. If I weren't related to her, I'd just laugh and walk away because it's pretty silly when you think of it.
I hate to cut her kids out of our lives but there comes a point when you cut your losses and just axe people like her. Unfortunately, nothing here has helped me either understand her or to deal with her. I don't need people like her in my life.
If you would cut her out of your life for something like this, then you are just looking for a reason to do so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain
Since your relative is the one you are having this difficulty with, why not just ask her?
Fantastic idea!
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976
Have you considered that you may unintentionally belittle her decision to stay home? If your conversations with her sound anything like your threads, my guess is that you've insulted her whether you're aware of it or not. So perhaps she's trying to justify her position to you because you've hurt her feelings?
Exactly what I think is going on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan
Ivory, have you tried giving her a pat on the back? You say that is what she wants. I would do that for family members.
Ya, it really shouldn't be that hard. If it is too hard to say it, then just ignore it. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
Another day, another failure to acknowledge my posts. Ivory must have me on the ignore list.
Ivory, have you tried giving her a pat on the back? You say that is what she wants. I would do that for family members.
The problem with that is she hasn't done anything worthy of being patted on the back. I'm not going to pat her on the back for being a SAHM. To do that I'd have to agree with her that WM's are hurting their kids and lack maternal instinct. THAT is not happening. I'd rather never speak to her again and that sounds like the real solution here. I don't think anyone would mind if we stopped inviting her to family functions. I, for one, am tired of her self edifying crap and that's all it is because at the end of the day, our kids turn out the same and that's all that really matters.
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Give the lady what she wants.
I don't think I'm owed one for being a WM. My paycheck is my thanks for working and my home and family my thanks for what I do at home. Why do I need a pat on the back from someone else? Or why would I pat someone else on the back for their life? The people I pat on the back are the ones who improve my life. I really don't care what goes on in your house and you shouldn't care what goes on in mine. These are personal choices and should be kept personal. Unfortunately, I'm dealing with a relative who doesn't think that way. I hate to write her and her kids off but I've read nothing here that helps the situation one iota and I'm at a loss for how to deal with a SAHM who thinks society should pat her on the back for being a SAHM. I have no idea what make her so arrogant but I don't need people like her in my life.
